


Until I'm Bleeding

by xcaellachx



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Amnesia, Anal Sex, Angst, Eating Disorders, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Face Punching, Homophobic Language, Klaine Break-Up, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Violence, Music, Songs, Top Blaine, Top Kurt Hummel, klaine endgame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 06:52:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 48,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4294875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xcaellachx/pseuds/xcaellachx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Could you truly forget yourself, all the elements that make you the person you are? Could you forget the person you love? What Blaine can't remember might cost him everything and it's apparent he doesn't care. A/U college years. Canon Klaine through the end of season 2.</p><p>This was written in 2012, so it won't include anything past season 2.</p><p>In this AU, Mr. Schue was not the glee teacher at McKinley. He met them all when they joined the singing group in college. The Warblers in the story, again, just happened to end up at the same college. Klaine is canon up thru the end of season 2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Forever

Kurt Hummel loved his life. Sitting in the Templeton Memorial Auditorium or Mem-Aud as the students called it, he was enjoying his favorite part about college. Velocity. The singing slash choral group met here every day to rehearse, learn music, and to just be around other musically minded people. This was the first meeting of the new school year, though classes wouldn’t start for another two weeks. The competition season started early in the year, so they began meeting in August to start warming up their voices after the long summer hiatus. A lot of the students had classes through summer quarter, but some didn’t, so it was nice to see familiar faces again.

“I think she’s going to cry again,” came the low, gentle tone of his boyfriend, Blaine Anderson, in his ear.

“Undoubtedly,” Kurt agreed in a whisper.

Rachel and Finn were on the outs again and Rachel was singing a song to him. Again. Hoping to make up with him. Again. This time it was a Bruno Mars song, “It Will Rain”, a song Kurt actually liked. The lyrics were beautiful and he could understand the sentiment behind it.

 

_If you ever leave me, baby,_

_Leave some morphine at my door_

_Cause it would take a whole lot of medication_

_To realize what we used to have,_

_We don't have it anymore._

_There's no religion that could save me_

_No matter how long my knees are on the floor, oh_

_So keep in mind all the sacrifices I'm making_

_To keep you by my side_

_And keep you from walking out the door._

At this point, Blaine turned his head and began singing along softly in Kurt’s ear, his beautiful tone doing the song much more justice than Rachel’s. He picked up Blaine’s hand and kissed it softly as he paid more attention to his boyfriend of over four years instead of the soloist. Blaine’s golden eyes shone as he sang quietly. His eyes were Kurt’s favorite feature. They practically glowed when he was happy, as he was now. He had black curly hair that he’d stopped gelling once they were out of high school and black eyebrows that were shaped like triangles. Kurt loved to trace his hand over them when they laid in bed at night. Or his lips. Blaine had a mouth that was unbelievable, his upper lip had a dimple in it that begged to be nibbled. The sound of his beautiful tenor filled Kurt's ears and he sighed in happiness.

_Cause there'll be no sunlight_

_if I lose you, baby_

_There'll be no clear skies_

_if I lose you, baby_

_Just like the clouds,_

_my eyes will do the same if you walk away_

_Every day, it will rain, rain, rain_

_I'll never be your mother's favorite_

_ah ,Your daddy can't even look me in the eye_

_Oooh if I were in their shoes, I'd be doing the same thing_

_Saying there goes my little girl_

_walking with that troublesome guy_

_But they're just afraid of something they can't understand_

_Oooh well little darling watch me change their minds_

_Yeah for you I'll try, I'll try, I'll try, I'll try_

_I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding_

_If that'll make it right_

Kurt felt tears prickle in his eyes as he listened to the emotion Blaine was putting into the song. Luckily they were sitting far enough away from the stage to avoid interrupting the performance. Kurt clutched Blaine’s hand to his chest and closed his eyes.

_Cause there'll be no sunlight_

_if I lose you, baby_

_There'll be no clear skies_

_if I lose you, baby_

_Just like the clouds,_

_my eyes will do the same if you walk away_

_Every day, it will rain, rain, rain_

_Ooooh Don't just say_

_goodbye, don't just say, goodbye_

_I'll pick up these broken pieces 'til I'm bleeding_

_If that'll make it right_

_Cause there'll be no sunlight_

_if I lose you, baby_

_There'll be no clear skies_

_if I lose you, baby_

_Just like the clouds,_

_my eyes will do the same if you walk away_

_Every day, it will rain, rain, rain, rain..._

 

As the song ended, someone handed Rachel a box of tissues, which she used quite noisily.

“Finn,” she sniffed. “I agree with every sentiment in this hit single, except when he says that her parents don’t like him. I happen to know that your parents love me, so please disregard those lyrics. On the other hand, please know,” she continued, her voice cracking, tears streaming down her face. “Please know that I love you and I will try to not be such a perfectionist. It’s just that…”

“Okay, Rachel. That’s good enough for now. You and Finn can discuss your issues later,” Will Schuester said. As director of Velocity, he had to make sure the drama was kept to a minimum and that they all stayed on task. Most of the time, though, it was a democratic group.

Blaine squeezed Kurt’s hand as Will gave the “let’s stay on topic” chat. “I feel like begging you to stay with me,” he said, smiling warmly.

“I know, same here,” Kurt agreed. “It is true though, at least for me. If you left me, it would seem like every day was a cloudy, rainy day.”

“Yeah, well, if you left me, I would definitely need some heavy drugs to make it through. But, we don’t have to worry about that, do we?” Blaine smiled and leaned over to plant a kiss on Kurt’s cheek.

“Nope,” Kurt said with a happy grin.

There was nothing in this world perfect except for their relationship. Kurt and Blaine had been dating since their junior year of high school and here they were about to enter their junior year of college. The days of Dalton Academy and then McKinley High had given their relationship a solid foundation, and Kurt knew there would be nothing that could come between them. They weren’t perfect by any stretch. Kurt was a bit anal about things and Blaine was a bit of a know-it-all, but together, they were able to work everything out. They shared a small one bedroom apartment off State Street where they’d lived since the end of freshman year. It was cheaper to rent the apartment than to pay for a dorm room.

Rachel and Finn were now hugging in a corner while Mike and Tina got up to do a duet. Finn technically wasn’t a part of the group because he didn’t attend Ohio University, but Mr. Schue didn’t have a problem letting him come to the rehearsals. Everyone else was a student.

Lauren Zises chose that moment to throw a wadded up piece of paper at Puck, who thought it was Sam, and smacked him on the back of his head from two seats over. Sam, then, reached over to hit him back and ended up hitting Trent, who gave out a yelp. The former Warbler was the pacifist of the group and always tried to keep the peace. And never succeeded.

“Finn, Rachel, if you are going to make out, please do it somewhere else and on someone else’s time,” Mr. Schue said sternly.

“Wanky,” Santana quipped, causing her girlfriend, Brittany, to giggle.

Brittany would probably win the “Most Changed” award when they went back to McKinley for their high school reunion some day. She was studying for a degree in political science, which she showed an amazing aptitude for. It would surprise none of them if she eventually became a senator. Santana was studying early childhood education, which had shocked the crap out of everyone around.

Kurt was studying fashion merchandising and styling with a minor in drama, simply because he couldn’t stay away from the stage. Rachel and Blaine were pursuing their dreams, both majoring in musical theory. Rachel was minoring in drama, like Kurt and Blaine’s minor was history.

Blaine’s friends from Dalton Academy were going to be seniors this year. Wes and David shared an apartment in the same building as Kurt and Blaine and the foursome got together frequently to hang out.

Puck was another surprise, studying mathematics, hoping to get a teaching degree so he could go back and teach geometry in high school.

Kurt turned from his thoughts and listened to Mike and Tina sing L-O-V-E which Kurt could swear they’d done before. But during these first meetings, it was all about getting your voice back into singing shape. When they were done, everyone applauded and began to trickle out of the auditorium. Mr. Schue told them to start thinking about a pop hit they could each solo on for later in the week.

“Now, we aren’t meeting tomorrow, they are cleaning the carpets in here. So work on your numbers and we’ll get started on Wednesday. It was good to see all of you. Have a good afternoon,” he said, dismissing them.

“Come on, man of mine,” Blaine said, pulling Kurt from his chair. “We have a date with destiny.”

“Funny, I didn’t see destiny in my schedule when I checked my phone this morning,” Kurt teased.

“You are my destiny, dummy,” Blaine said, wrapping his arm around the thinner man’s waist. “Especially in those jeans.”

“Wanky, fancy boys. Better run off and find a corner,” Santana told them.

“Like you’re one to talk,” Kurt said, staring pointedly at Santana’s pinky finger wrapped around Brittany’s pinky.

“Whatever. With us it’s hot, with you two, it’s just repulsive,” she responded, scrunching her nose up.

“We could say the same,” Blaine shot back. They all laughed at that, knowing it was true for the most part. That was why they all got along so well.

Kurt and Blaine left Mem-Aud and drove back to their apartment.

“Did you get the last of the books you needed,” Kurt asked.

“I did, finally. It took forever to get that book on Beethoven that I need. But after paying out the ass to get a rush on it, it finally got here. You?”

Kurt nodded. “Yeah, I’m all set and ready to go. I’m going to miss summer,” he mused.

“I know, baby. But you know what fall means right?” Blaine asked, his eyebrows up in the air.

“Fall means scarves,” Kurt said, a dreamy smile on his face. “And I have some new ones I bought from those vintage shops we found last month. I can’t wait. Okay, summer can be over now.”

Blaine chuckled. Nothing pleased him more than a pleased Kurt. Putting that smile on his face, even if it’s just to point something out, was worth everything in the world to him.

“Hey, did I tell you Cooper called?” Blaine asked, remembering the early morning call from his older brother.

“No! How is he? Any plans to come visit?” Kurt asked, excited. He got along very well with Cooper Anderson, who was seven years older than they were. He wished it was the same with Blaine’s parents, but they still didn’t like the whole ‘gay son’ thing. They accepted it and tolerated Kurt, but it was never going to be an amiable relationship.

“Next month. He’s going to stay for a couple weeks before his new job starts,” Blaine told him, referring to Cooper’s new IT job.

“Excellent! That’s great. Now, what did we really have planned for today?” Kurt asked, referring back to the ‘destiny’ comment earlier.

Blaine was pulling the car into their parking spot at the apartment complex. He didn’t say anything until he pulled the keys out of the ignition. He then reached over and pulled Kurt’s head close to his and whispered against his lips.

“I told you. You are my destiny. And I need to bury myself in my destiny.”

His hot breath fanned across Kurt’s mouth, making him lean in to kiss Blaine softly.

Blaine sighed happily and settled in for a long, wet kiss. He never tired of exploring his boyfriends mouth with his tongue. He always tasted of the orange tic-tac’s he kept in his pocket. The sweet flavor mixed with the delicious natural taste of Kurt, never ceased to make Blaine’s pants get tighter in the front.

“What the hell are we still doing here?” Kurt muttered.

“Good question. Let’s get upstairs,” Blaine rasped, his voice thick with desire.

Within minutes they were in their bedroom, stripping each other’s clothes off between languid kisses and caresses. Stumbling naked to the bed, Blaine crawled on top of Kurt, making sure their pelvises rubbed up against each other. That never ceased to get a moan out of Kurt. Blaine pushed his hips to brush against Kurt’s cock again, smiling against Kurt’s mouth as he moaned.

“I love those noises you make, baby,” Blaine murmured in Kurt’s ear, before circling the shell with his tongue.

“All for you,” Kurt whispered, dragging Blaine’s mouth back to his. He felt hungry for Blaine, like he hadn’t eaten in years. “I need you, Blaine, please.”

“Okay, anything you need,” Blaine assured him, running his hand down Kurt’s flat stomach to the hard cock that was straining against him. He circled his hand around him and began stroking it firmly.

“Yes. God, yes, Blaine. I want you inside me,” Kurt rasped, his hand smacking out blindly beside him as he searched for the nightstand drawer.

Blaine chuckled and leaned over Kurt’s wriggling body to grab the lube out of the drawer. The movement caused his wet cock to drag across Kurt’s torso, making them both gasp.

“Ready now, Blaine,” Kurt moaned.

“Me too, baby,” Blaine said, quickly dousing his fingers in lube. He gently eased one inside Kurt, watching his face for the signals he clearly gave when he was ready for more. Feeling Kurt’s tight flesh surrounding one of his fingers, than two, made his toes curl. He would never get tired of the feel of his boyfriend’s body. Slowly pushing a third finger in, he made sure Kurt was stretched enough. Just as he was about to pull his fingers out, Kurt grabbed his arm.

“Now, Blaine, please,” he practically begged, not understanding why he felt so desperate for his man. He always loved being intimate with him, but something made him need Blaine in this moment like he’d never needed him before.

Seeing Kurt’s urgency, Blaine lined himself up and pushed inside him slowly. No matter the urgency, he would not rush anything for fear of hurting Kurt, though Kurt had told him plenty of times he liked a little bit of pain.

Kurt cried out as Blaine filled him completely. This was what he needed. The fullness, the stretch that came with Blaine’s cock inside him.

Blaine started thrusting into him in sure, even strokes, loving the look on Kurt’s face as he came near the edge. The love and hunger for the man beneath him overwhelmed him and he leaned his face down into the soft area between Kurt’s neck and shoulder. Kurt answered by wrapping his long legs around Blaine’s waist and holding onto his shoulders tightly.

“I love you,” Blaine whispered.

“Love you too,” Kurt answered before biting Blaine’s shoulder. “Harder, please.”

Blaine lost himself as he sat back up and rocked his hips against Kurt harder and harder, pounding into him until Kurt began to keen, the noise high pitched and beautiful to Blaine’s ears. He reached down and pumped Kurt’s full cock until he came, shooting white all over his stomach. Blaine growled lightly at the sight. It never failed to curl his toes to see Kurt come. The sight and smell of their love overcame his control and he yelled Kurt’s name as he thrust into him and came inside Kurt.

He was moaning with each gasp of air as he rested down against Kurt again. There had been something intense in this session of lovemaking. Pulling out, he leaned over Kurt, pushing his hand through Kurt’s damp hair and kissed his forehead, his eyelids, nose and finally the perfect pink lips that parted softly below his.

Kurt smiled against him and turned his head into Blaine, snuggling closer. Blaine usually liked to be the spoon, but this time he surrounded Kurt with his body, pulling him tight to his chest.

“That was wonderful, Blaine, I love you,” Kurt murmured, already half asleep.

“I love you too, Kurt. Forever,” Blaine said quietly.

“Hmm. Forever,” Kurt said and drifted off to sleep.

Blaine laid there for a time, enjoying the quiet in his body from the intense orgasm. Leaning up onto his elbow, he stared at Kurt. The medium brown hair that flopped against his forehead that only Blaine got to see in its natural state. His unbelievably long lashes covered eyes that transitioned between blue, green, and gray depending on his clothes and mood. He had a small nose that turned up when he was feeling arrogant or defensive. Blaine found it adorable. A light dusting of freckles covered his nose and upper cheeks, so light that you had to be as close as Blaine was to even see them. His favorite feature of Kurt’s was a toss-up between his expressive eyes and his beautiful mouth. His lips were generous and a soft pink that tempted Blaine to touch them at all times. They were soft and sweet to taste as well, causing Blaine to kiss Kurt at all hours of the day, even when it wasn’t always appropriate. He lightly traced his finger down Kurt’s long neck and over his lightly muscled arm. Kurt was taller than him by a couple of inches and had a lithe body, like a dancer.

There was nothing in this world he loved more than Kurt and this had been another day where he got to show him that through words and deeds, as he tried to do every day. Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow, he got to do something even more special for Kurt. He grinned widely before settling back into Kurt’s warm body and nodding off for a small nap.

 

 

**Music: It Will Rain by Bruno Mars, L-O-V-E by Nat King Cole.**

**Next up: Everything changes. Twice.**

 


	2. Perfect

**Still don’t own anything from Glee. There is some homophobic speech later in this chapter, so be warned.**

Kurt woke up and stretched, moaning loudly. They’d gotten up last night, showered, eaten dinner, and promptly gone back to bed. He felt rested and happy this morning. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining through the sheers he’d put up over the window. Blaine was already up and dressed, probably reading the paper or getting a head start on his reading for school. They both took their studies seriously which helped them both maintain a low A average. Blaine tended to get better grades overall, but both of them would probably graduate on the Dean’s list.

Getting up, Kurt meandered into the bathroom and began his morning routine. It always made him feel new, refreshed, and ready to face the day.

Fifteen minutes later, he was dressed in distressed jeans, a white v-neck t-shirt and a black shimmery vest.  He knew Blaine liked the jeans and since they got to spend the whole day together, he was hoping to keep Blaine very happy.

Heading out to the kitchen, he found Blaine with the paper open to the local section, a piece of toast in his hand. Beyond the paper, though, was a bouquet of flowers. Wildflowers of every color gave the kitchen a dose of summer that it needed. Kurt couldn’t stand apartment living, but it was still better than the dorms.

“Flowers, Blaine? They are beautiful,” he said, going over and kissing Blaine on the neck. He noticed he hadn’t shaved this morning which drove Kurt crazy. There was nothing hotter than a bit of scruff on his man. Between the scruff, olive skin, golden eyes, and muscled body, he was sex on legs. Add in a voice that could sing the angels to sleep and he was irresistible. Kurt still didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky as to get Blaine, but he would never take him for granted. A chill settled in his stomach at the desperation he’d felt the previous night, but he pushed it aside to lean over and sniff the flowers.

“I just thought you’d like them,” Blaine said, squeezing his hand. “Nice jeans.”

“I love them and thank you,” Kurt said, smiling warmly at him. He got himself a cup of coffee and sat down to read the entertainment section of the paper.

“What’s on the agenda for today?” Kurt asked a short time later. They’d folded up the paper which was their mutual signal that they were ready to move on with the day.

“I thought we’d get a picnic together and head out to Sells Park. Reminisce a little,” Blaine said with a smirk.

“Reminisce huh? Are you going to seduce me again?” Kurt said, his brow going up. The first time they’d gone to Sells Park, they’d ended up making love under a tree. As glorious and exciting as it had been, Kurt had ended up with a bug bite on his rear. The next week had proven quite embarrassing as he tried to avoid scratching at it.

“No seduction. Just eating and walking,” Blaine said, holding his hands up, grinning.

“You still think it’s funny, don’t you?” Kurt accused.

Blaine shook his head, keeping his lips pressed together. Finally he burst out laughing. “Kurt, honey, you were so funny, doing your little shimmy all the time, trying to get at the itchy spot. It was adorable. I felt bad for you, but it was still so funny!”

Kurt stood and smacked him in the arm. “Someday, Anderson. Someday you’ll get a bug bite in an awkward spot, then you will get on your knees and beg me for forgiveness for all the crap you’ve given me about this.”

“I’ll get on my knees now if it would help things,” Blaine suggested, wiggling his eyebrows.

“We’ll save that for later. Maybe I’ll get on my knees at the park. _That_ would teach you,” Kurt said, a wicked smile lighting up his face.

“Damn, Kurt, hoping I get a bug bite _there_? That’s brutal!” Blaine said, shuddering at the thought.

“Okay, well I don’t really hope you get one there. That would make me shit out of luck for sex, and that isn’t going to happen,” Kurt said, shaking his head decisively.

Two hours later, they were at the park, setting up a blanket. Kurt, being who he was, had an actual picnic basket that came with plates, cups, and silverware. He pulled out a fresh salad, cut up fruit, and sandwiches. He’d brought chocolates too, but those would wait for later. The park was deserted, which was no surprise on a Tuesday.

“I talked to Artie, by the way,” Blaine said, popping a grape in his mouth. “He’ll take a look at your laptop if you drop it off with him for a couple days. He doesn’t know exactly when he can get to it, but it’ll be before next week.”

“Fantastic. The man’s a genius, I swear,” Kurt shook his head as he took a bite of his chicken sandwich. His phone buzzed and he pulled it out of his pocket only to roll his eyes and put it back.

“Rachel again?” Blaine asked.

“Yes,” Kurt complained. “She won’t leave me alone. I understand that once again it is Finn-pocalypse, but come on, there is only so much I can hear about how he can’t handle her ambition and greatness. I love Rachel to death, don’t get me wrong. But these fights of theirs are like the worst kind of soap opera.”

Blaine nodded, wiping his mouth on the cloth napkin Kurt provided. “They do love their drama. You almost expect dramatic music to play after every sentence they say. Hey that rhymed!”

Kurt loved when Blaine grinned and his eyes got all twinkly. He had the most beautiful smile in the world.

They finished eating, then lay down together on the blanket, letting the meal settle. They talked about their various classes they’d be taking for the year and how much work they thought they might have. Kurt brought up his burning curiosity over what the play would be for the first semester in drama. He always hoped for a musical, but it didn’t happen as often as he wanted. Blaine talked about the concerts he’d be attending and playing in throughout the year. In his studies, he got to play contemporary and classical music. He tended to enjoy contemporary more simply because he was an active singer and liked to dance around. Boogeying to Bach wasn’t exactly an easy thing to do. While feeding the chocolates to Blaine, Kurt mentioned going to visit his dad before the beginning of term. He and Carole were happy to have the house to themselves, but never said no to a visit. Finn had helped out at the shop for a year after graduation before being finding a job as an assistant manager at a mechanic shop near the college and in return, Rachel. Burt had been able to convince him to take it, though Finn felt guilty for leaving Burt one man down. His dad had easily found someone else, though. He was known to be an excellent boss and the job was a great opportunity for anyone.

Finally they stood and stretched before packing the basket up. Blaine folded the blanket after shaking it out to Kurt’s satisfaction. They put everything back in the car and walked back toward the trees, holding hands.

“I love this place,” Kurt said. He wasn’t typically wild about nature, but this place was calm. There were so many evergreen trees that it made you feel separated from life for a time.

“Me too. I’m glad we found it,” Blaine agreed.

They walked for a time, swinging their hands between them. Blaine paused every so often to kiss Kurt, unable to resist his mouth for long. After the last kiss, he wrapped his arm around Kurt’s waist as they walked, slowing their pace, but keeping him close.

“It’s been a lovely afternoon,” Kurt said, stroking Blaine’s back as they made their way into the trees.

“It has,” Blaine said. He walked over to a fallen tree, that was covered in moss. “Look at this.”

They bent over and saw the log was covered in hundreds, maybe thousands of names carved into it. Some had years near them, some had a name plus another name, there were hearts and crosses, even a skull and crossbones. Blaine took out his pocket knife and knelt down, finding an open area.

“Blaine, that is so romantic,” Kurt murmured, kneeling next to him, watching.

Blaine took his time etching their names into the log. He put a plus sign between their names and added forever afterward. That is what they always said when they talked about their relationship. They would be together forever, he was more certain of this than anything in the world.

They stood when he was done and Kurt snapped a picture of the finished product with his phone. He leaned into Blaine and kissed him deeply, his tongue lapping over Blaine’s bottom lip and into his mouth. Blaine moaned and ran his hands around Kurt’s hips to cup his ass and bring him closer. He thrust his tongue into Kurt’s mouth over and over as Kurt sucked on it in an erotic replica of sex. Soon they were both breathing deeply and holding on to one another. If they continued, another bug bite would be guaranteed.

“You take my breath away,” Kurt said with a sigh.

“You always take my breath away. And not just when it comes to intimacy, Kurt,” Blaine said, taking a half step back so he could look into Kurt’s wide blue eyes. “You have the most beautiful spirit that I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. I am constantly bowled over by your compassion and kindness, the way you treat everyone with dignity and respect. When I finally realized I was in love with you, I felt like I was finally whole,” he continued, taking Kurt’s hands in his. Kurt’s eyes were shining with unshed tears, his beautiful lips parted as he listened. “I am a better man simply from knowing you. I know that. I would not be who I am today if it weren’t for you. You give me so much strength. And love, the amount of love you give me is unbelievable. I have never felt as cherished as I do with you. And I want to give that same feeling to you,” he said, lowering himself to one knee which triggered a gasp from Kurt. “Forever. I want to love you every day of forever. And most of all, I want you to be mine in every way possible. Kurt Hummel, would you do me the extraordinary honor, the never ending pleasure, the eternal gift of becoming my husband?” He finished, tears rolling down his cheeks as he looked up into Kurt’s eyes.

Kurt thought his heart might explode. Every word that Blaine had just said was etched into his spirit forever. He’d proposed. Blaine proposed. Oh my god, he thought, I haven’t said anything!

“Yes,” he said and had to cough to make a sound come out. “Yes, yes, a million times yes. Oh, Blaine, yes!” He said giving a little hop and pulling Blaine up. They embraced each other fiercely, so full of love that they couldn’t express it properly. Tears continued to flow from Kurt’s eyes as he took in the thought that Blaine had asked him to marry him. He was going to get married. He was going to be a husband. He was going to be Kurt Anderson. Or maybe Blaine would be Blaine Hummel. Or, hell, they’d both hyphenate.  He gave a little laugh. “I’m so freaking happy right now, I can’t even stand it,” he said, his voice quivering.

“Me too, baby. Oh crap, wait!” Blaine pulled a box from his pocket and opened it facing Kurt. Nestled in the box was a platinum band with two tiny diamonds in it and vintage-looking swirls fading away from the jewels. “I almost forgot the ring!”

Kurt gasped. “Blaine. It’s, it’s beautiful. No, it’s stunning. It’s magnificent,” he breathed.

Blaine grinned. “I’m glad you like it. I didn’t know if you’d want to pick out your own ring, but when I saw this, I knew I had to get it for you.”  He pulled the ring out and slid it onto Kurt’s waiting finger.

Kurt smiled as he wiggled his fingers in front of himself, enjoying the way it shimmered. He looked at his fiancé. Fiancé! “Blaine, I can’t begin to tell you what this means to me. I feel the same way, in all that you said. I feel like you helped me become a man. You helped me become stronger than I ever thought possible,” he said, moving into Blaine’s embrace again. “You showed me that courage could conquer all and that any obstacle could be overcome when you are loved. Thank you for this,” he said, gesturing around them. “This couldn’t have been more perfect.”

“I’m glad. I hoped it would be,” Blaine said, tears still shining in his eyes.

Kurt smiled and leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his future husband’s mouth.

 

. . .

 

That evening after they went out to dinner, they walked slowly back to the car. Kurt had called his dad and Carole and told him the news over speaker phone before they ate. Now they were planning to make the difficult call to Blaine’s parents.

“Let’s just do it now,” Blaine said as they got in the car. “I want to be able to keep celebrating and not have this ruin the evening. We’ll call them now and be over it by the time we get home.”

Kurt nodded. “It’s just a phone call.”

“It’s just a phone call,” Blaine agreed.

He dialed his parents and put them on speaker phone.

His mom answered. “Hey Mom, it’s Blaine and Kurt.”

“Hi Mrs. Anderson,” Kurt said politely. He never called her Nora, the one time he had, her icy glare had stopped him in his tracks.

“Hello boys. What can I do for you?” Her tone was polite but strained. She was somewhat friendly when it was just Blaine, but any time Kurt was included, everything was tense.

“Actually I was hoping we could talk to you and Dad, can you get him on speaker?” Blaine asked, gripping Kurt’s hand tightly.

“Okay,” his mom replied, curiosity pushing her to hold back her questions.

“I’m here,” his dad said a moment later, sounding utterly bored.

“Mom and Dad, Kurt and I have some exciting news. We got engaged today,” Blaine said, thankful for Kurt’s hand in his.

Silence spoke louder than words on the other end. Kurt looked at him, worry leaking through his brave expression.

“Gay marriage isn’t legal in Ohio,” Evan Anderson said. Blaine’s father sounded like he was barely holding onto his temper.

“No, it isn’t. But by the time we get married, we will live in New York where it is legal,” Blaine explained patiently. “We are very happy.”

“Blaine, it’s not right. It’s just not right,” his mom said, her voice edging toward hysteria.

“She’s right, Blaine. This isn’t right, it isn’t normal. Now we put up with this gay crap for long enough. We figured you’d get over it once you were through with college. This marriage idea is idiotic. Marriage is between a man and a woman, period, end of story,” Evan agreed, his voice getting nastier with every sentence.

“I’m sorry you feel that way, Mr. and Mrs. Anderson,” Kurt said abruptly. “In our lives, marriage is between two people who love each other and plan to fully commit themselves to one another for the rest of their lives. Since we fill all of our own expectations, we will be getting married, regardless of what you think.”

Blaine was impressed. Kurt didn’t usually speak to his parents with anything but polite answers.

“I don’t want to hear anything from you, you unnatural, perverted, piece of shit,” Evan exploded. “You are the one who turned my son into a little fag. There is nothing you can say that I want to hear. And you will not be getting married, do you hear me? Blaine, do not disobey me in this.”

“Blaine, honey, listen to your father. You can still get over this. We can move past it and find you a nice girl from the country club to settle down with if you’re ready to get married,” his mother said.

Kurt looked at Blaine and realized he was on the verge of an explosion. “Mr. and Mrs. Anderson, with all due respect, I think we will contact you again at another time. This conversation is over,” he said and ended the call. “Honey, look at me. Blaine look at me,” he prodded until Blaine looked at him, horror and hurt in his golden eyes. “They can’t touch us, Blaine. They can’t touch us or what we have. All they have are words, meaningless words. Okay? All that matters is you and me, right?” He asked, rubbing small circles into Blaine’s neck.

“You and me,” Blaine whispered, still sounding like he was in shock.

Kurt leaned in and kissed Blaine hard on the mouth, hoping the action would help center him. Blaine latched onto him immediately and they kissed for several long minutes. Blaine was gripping the back of Kurt’s hair roughly in one hand, his other hand on his face by the time they were able to catch a breath.

“I love you,” Kurt whispered.

“I love you. Forever,” Blaine answered, his voice sounding back to normal.

“It was just a phone call,” Kurt repeated.

“And it’s over now,” Blaine said, putting the keys in the ignition.

“How about some music?” Kurt asked and, after looking through the CD’s in the console, he popped one in.

 

_Made a wrong turn, once or twice_

_Dug my way out, blood and fire_

_Bad decisions, that's alright_

_Welcome to my silly life_

Blaine smiled, loving Kurt even more in that moment. He turned the stereo up and began singing loudly, Kurt singing harmony an octave above him. He pulled out of the parking lot, one hand in Kurt’s.

_Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood_

_Miss "no way, it's all good", it didn't slow me down_

_Mistaken, always second guessing_

_Under estimated, look, I'm still around_

_Pretty, pretty please_

_Don't you ever, ever feel_

_Like your less than fuckin' perfect._

_Pretty, pretty please_

_If you ever, ever feel_

_Like your nothing_

_You're fuckin' perfect to me._

_You're so mean,_

_When you talk, about yourself, you are wrong._

_Change the voices, in your head_

_Make them like you instead._

Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand, hoping the music got into his soul and helped ease the pain of what his parents had done. He was singing loudly and that was encouraging. It was when he was quiet that Kurt would get worried.

_So complicated,_

_Look happy, you'll make it_

_Filled with so much hatred_

_Such a tired game._

_It's enough, I've done all I can think of_

_Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same._

_Oh, pretty, pretty please_

_Don't you ever, ever feel_

_Like your less than fuckin' perfect._

_Pretty, pretty please_

_If you ever, ever feel_

_Like your nothing_

_You're fuckin' perfect to me._

Blaine began to rap and Kurt hummed, never feeling comfortable rapping. Mercedes had once told him he was just too dang white. But he loved the fierce sound of Blaine’s voice punching out the words.

 

_The whole world stares so I swallow the fear,_

_The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer._

_So cool in line and we try, try, try,_

_But we try too hard, it's a waste of my time._

_Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere_

_They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair_

_We change ourselves and we do it all the time_

_Why do we do that? Why do I do that?_

_Why do I do that?_

Kurt took the lead and sang loudly.

 

_Yeah, oh pretty pretty please, Ohh_

_Pretty, pretty please_

_Don't you ever, ever feel_

_Like your less than fuckin' perfect._

_Pretty, pretty please_

_If you ever, ever feel_

_Like your nothing_

_You're fuckin' perfect to me._

Blaine was looking over at Kurt every line or so as they sang to each other. This song had always made them feel better. They were perfect to each other and that is what mattered. Blaine would put his parents out of his mind for now and just celebrate the love he had for this man, his future husband.

_You're perfect, you're perfect_

_Pretty, pretty please_

_Don't you ever, ever feel_

_Like your less than fuckin' perfect._

Blaine tugged on Kurt’s hand to accentuate the words he was singing. He needed him to know how perfect he was to Blaine. Kurt had to know how much he loved him.

_Pretty, pretty please_

_If you ever, ever feel_

_Like your nothing_

_You're fuckin' perfect to me._

Blaine sang the final word with feeling as the sedan plowed into the back end of the driver’s side of the car. The impact threw Blaine’s head into the side of his door, making the world go black. His final thought was to scream Kurt’s name, though he never got the chance to let it out.

 

**“Fuckin’ Perfect” by P!nk. Sorry for the ending, but hey, everyone likes a cliffhanger right? Right? Reviews are welcome!!**


	3. Apocalypse

**Still don’t own Glee. WARNINGS FOR HOMOPHOBIC LANGUAGE. Here we go…**

“Son, can you hear me? Kurt?”

Kurt heard the voice and wanted to respond to it, but he couldn’t find his eyes to open them. His entire body felt incredibly heavy, weighed down by some invisible force. What the heck was going on? What happened? In a flash, he remembered singing “Perfect” with Blaine and then a crash. His eyes flipped open and he looked around, finding his dad sitting next to him.

“Thank God,” Burt muttered. “Hey kid, how you feeling?”

“Is he okay?” Kurt rasped, his throat feeling raw. “Is Blaine okay?”

Burt looked like he was making a decision before he spoke. “Blaine’s going to be okay, yes. Now you need to relax, you got pretty messed up in that accident.”

Kurt wasn’t listening. He may be out of it, his head might be filled with a million cotton balls, but he’d caught the ‘going to be’ part of his dad’s answer. Which meant Blaine wasn’t okay right now. He weakly shoved at the sheets covering him and started edging his feet toward the side of the bed.

“Kurt, no, now come on, stay in the bed,” Burt said, standing and putting his hand on Kurt’s chest.

“I have to see him,” Kurt mumbled, sitting up and then weaving as he was overcome by lightheadedness. The room twinkled in black and white and he fell back against the pillow. “What the hell is wrong with me?”

“You’ve got a minor concussion, that’s why you need to stay in bed. You’ve also got a bunch of cuts on your hands and arms, bruises everywhere and a broken nose from the air bag,” Burt said, trying to keep the worry off his face.

“I’m fine, Dad, just woozy, don’t worry. What about Blaine? He was on the side that got hit, right? I can’t remember what happened after the crash,” Kurt said, his head aching as he tried to fill in the blanks. But he settled back onto the bed and let his dad cover him with the blankets.

“Yeah, he was. You don’t remember though? You pulled him out of the car and kept him from bleeding to death. The paramedics found you on the side of the road with Blaine in your lap and your shirt wrapped around his head. He took a pretty good beating in that accident,” Burt said, letting Kurt take in these bits of information. “The doctors said if you hadn’t acted so quickly, Blaine may not have made it out alive.”

“He’s that bad?” Kurt asked, his eyes wide. His face ached slightly and he touched it, realizing that a broken nose was kind of painful.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? You saved his life,” Burt said, giving him a look.

“Dad, you are avoiding telling me what is going on with Blaine. Now, either you tell me what is going on with my fiancé or I’ll walk my ass around this hospital until I find him myself,” Kurt said, hoping it wouldn’t come to that. He felt like a limp noodle and his head really did hurt.

“Alright, but I don’t want you flipping out on me, okay? He really will be alright,” Burt began, his green eyes still worried.

Kurt nodded and took his dad’s offered hand. He ignored the rock in his stomach. His dad said he’d be fine and that had to mean something, didn’t it?

“The way the car hit, it looks like it threw Blaine around a bit and he ended up hitting his head against the side of his door. He got cut up a bit on the back of his head from glass, which caused all the bleeding. The docs think between the bleeding and the impact of his head that that’s why he’s, uh. Kurt, he’s in a coma.”

Kurt’s eyes went wide and he froze. Coma? As in not awake? All he could think was _not again_. He’d been through this hell with his dad and his heart attack so many years ago. Now Blaine. Think, Kurt, he chided himself. “Um. How long has it been? Is he responding to anything?” he asked remembering the kinds of things the doctors had looked for when his dad was in a coma. Sometimes a patient will still react to outside stimuli, which was a good sign. He had his answer in his dad’s expression.

“It’s been a little over twenty four hours. Sorry, bud, I wish I could give you better news, but no, there is no reaction to anything. Are you thirsty? Do you want some water or maybe something to eat?” His dad asked, gesturing almost helplessly.

He was on the verge of saying no, food and drink were the last things on his mind. But then he realized that the sooner he got stronger, the sooner he could go be with Blaine.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” he said numbly.

His dad helped him sit up slowly then found him some broth and a cup of water and Kurt did his best to get it all down.

After he finished that, Finn and Carole came in to see him. When his stepmom sat on his bed and hugged him, he finally allowed some tears to escape. Carole had become a mother to him in all the important ways and with her soft scent surrounding him and lending him comfort, he let go of his strength for a moment. After weeping quietly, her hand rubbing small circles on his back, he looked up to find the room empty.

“Kurt, I got in to see Blaine, and I really think he will be okay. His body needs time to get over the shock of the accident. He’s breathing on his own and all of his organ functions are fine. He just needs to wake up,” she said reassuringly.

“Have his parents come by at all?” Kurt asked hesitantly. He remembered their last conversation and had no idea how that would come to bear on their feelings for their son.

“No. Your dad called them, but they just asked that we update them by phone. They said something about being too busy with work to get away,” she said, looking disgusted.

“I’m not too surprised. We told them about the engagement just before the accident and they were not happy at all. They were calling us unnatural and disgusting and all the other nasty names ignorant people call us,” he said, feeling suddenly exhausted.

Carole’s expression hardened. Then seeing Kurt’s pale, bruised face, she cupped his cheek. “You try and rest now. The sooner you get better, the sooner you can go be with him,” she said, copying his exact sentiments.

“Maybe just a little nap,” Kurt agreed, closing his eyes.

 

. . .

 

When he woke up, he realized it was the next day. It had been dark out when he’d woken up before, now light was shining in his room. Finn was curled up in the guest chair, looking horribly uncomfortable.

Kurt was relieved when he realized he felt much more clear headed then yesterday. His head didn’t even hurt as much as it had. Slowly and carefully, he leaned up into a sitting position. Despite the dull throbbing in his head and face, he felt he could handle getting up. He desperately needed to use the bathroom. His feet had just touched the cold tile floor when he heard a grunt.

“Hey, dude, you aren’t supposed to be getting up,” Finn protested groggily, coming over to him.

“Well, unless you want me to pee all over the floor, I need to get to the bathroom,” Kurt said, knowing just what to say to motivate his stepbrother.

“Okay, here I’ll just help you, then,” he said, looking worried.

With Finn supporting him with an arm around the waist, Kurt was able to make his way into the bathroom. When he was done, he splashed some water on his face, cringing at the reflection in the mirror. Two minor black eyes and a nasty bruise along his jaw line. Deciding to see all of the damage since he was at it, he lifted the hospital gown and grimaced at the bruising up and down his ribcage. He was grateful for the airbags, he just wished they didn’t cause their own kind of damage.  His arms were nicked here and there from the glass and his legs had assorted bruises. Overall, he was sore, but okay. He was feeling more steady as well. He decided it was time to demand to be taken to see Blaine.

To his surprise, he didn’t have to demand. The doctor who came later that afternoon proclaimed him free to go as long as he didn’t start to feel too poorly. His dad had brought him a pair of pajama pants, a t-shirt, and hoodie to wear. Usually Kurt would have put up a fuss, but this was getting him to Blaine faster, so he eased into the clothes. At once, he was grateful for his dad’s choices. The soft, non-restrictive materials were comfortable against his bruised skin. He couldn’t even fathom slipping into a pair of skinny jeans right now. He grimaced as he realized he’d never thought he’d ever say that.

The nurses insisted on him being in a wheelchair though he felt fine enough to walk and again, he didn’t argue. He was chanting Blaine’s name in his head and he just wanted to get to him. Suddenly a thought occurred to him and he began to panic.

Looking down at his hand, he cried out. “My ring! Dad, my ring is gone,” tears immediately sprang into his eyes as he lamented the loss of his engagement ring.

“Hold on, Kurt,” his dad said and came toward him, reaching a hand in his pocket. “They gave it to me for safekeeping and I just forgot to give it back to you.”

Kurt smiled gratefully at his dad through his tears. “Thank you, Dad,” he said, slipping the ring back on his left hand. He felt better already, having this piece of Blaine touching his body again.

 

. . .

 

Going into Blaine’s hospital room was surreal. Blaine’s suddenly small looking body was surrounded by wires and machines beeping and making noises, all keeping track of his beloved’s vitals. He left the wheelchair by the door, making sure his legs were steady before he stood. Tears flowed unchecked down Kurt’s face as he made his way to the side of the bed.

“Blaine,” he whispered, taking Blaine’s hand gently in his. “Blaine, can you hear me, sweetie? It’s Kurt. I’m right next to you and I’m not leaving until you wake up, okay?” Pulling up a chair, he sat next to the bed, keeping Blaine’s hand in his. He scanned his love’s face and body, spying small bandages here and there, most notably the one across his head. It made his heart ache when there was no response to his words or his touch, but he remembered his father hadn’t responded either. Not until his body was ready to wake up.

For the rest of the day, he sat there, talking to Blaine, reading to him from magazines, only stopping when he had to eat and drink whatever his dad brought him. His dad wanted him to go home to sleep, but at his adamant refusal, his father tracked down a chair that would pull out into a sort of bed. It was horribly uncomfortable, but as long as he could still hear the steady pulse of Blaine’s heart monitor, he would be fine. 

The next day followed the same pattern. His dad called the Anderson’s, who again, were too busy to come see their comatose son. They claimed there was nothing they could do anyway except sit around, so they may as well at least be productive. Kurt knew his dad had a hard time biting his tongue through that call, but he was a diplomat from his years as a congressman, so he handled it with ease. Only the white knuckles grasping his phone gave away his tension.

“Those damn fools. What parent doesn’t come see their kid in the hospital? Especially when they’re in such bad shape?” Burt grumbled.

Kurt smiled warmly at his father, sipping the tea he’d brought him. “Not every parent is as great as you are, Dad.”

Burt colored and muttered something under his breath, but went back to his chair in the corner, pulling his ball cap low so he could get in a nap.

Over the next couple hours, Kurt talked with Blaine more, bringing up stories about their friends, how the latest Finn-pocalypse had passed. Artie had picked up his computer and repaired it. Mr. Schue had sent his best wishes, as did all of the members of Velocity. When he ran out of things to talk about, he began singing. Song after song until he felt he’d go hoarse.

He had his forehead leaning against the bed, getting through the last chorus of “Blackbird”, when he felt a movement. With a jerk, he sat up, his eyes quickly searching out the source of motion. The hand that Kurt wasn’t holding was beginning to move, opening and closing slowly.

“Dad, quick, get the nurse, I think Blaine is waking up. Oh and call his folks, again, too, please? I know they don’t deserve it, but they are his parents,” Kurt called out quickly, his voice high pitched with excitement.

“Oh thank god, yeah, I’ll be right back,” Burt said, touching Kurt’s shoulder as he rushed from the room.

Kurt squeezed Blaine’s hand. “Sweetie? Blaine, honey, can you open your eyes? I’m right here. I love you so much, I’ve missed you. Will you open your eyes and look at me?”

The next couple of minutes were frustrating. The nurse came in to check on Blaine and sure enough, she agreed that it seemed he was coming around. He responded to her poking his feet which was a good sign. Burt came back in, a surprised look on his face.

“They’re on their way,” he said.

“Wow. Okay, well good, I think. But I swear, if they upset him,” Kurt threatened and couldn’t finish the thought.

The nurse left to have the doctor paged and Kurt resumed holding Blaine’s hand, talking to him. Slowly, Blaine’s lashes started fluttering and Kurt swore his heart was pounding in time to those flutters. He was _so close_.

“Blaine, baby, open your eyes, there you go,” Kurt said excitedly, as Blaine’s eyes opened and he was once more looking into the golden eyes he loved so much. His eyes looked clear enough as they roamed the room, taking in Kurt and Burt standing nearby. “Oh, Blaine, I love you so much,” he said pulling Blaine’s hand to his lips. He gasped when the hand was jerked away.

“I’m sorry, sweetie, did I hurt your hand?” Kurt asked, confused, not having seen any bruises or cuts on the hand he’d been holding.

Blaine was reaching for a cup near him. Kurt pulled it over and held the straw so he could take a sip. Blaine sipped for a minute before pulling his head away. Kurt reached for his hand again, only to have it be jerked away.

“Blaine, are you okay? Are you in pain?” Kurt didn’t understand what was going on.

“No,” Blaine said, his voice gravelly. “Head hurts, but it’s fine.”

Kurt whispered thanks to Grilled Cheesus, over whatever might be listening, that he was speaking and seemed coherent. Blaine motioned and Kurt brought the water over again.

“You gave us quite a scare, there, kiddo,” Burt said, a smile lighting his face. “You’re fiancé here dragged himself out of his own bed early just to come sit with you.”

Kurt smiled at his dad, then down at Blaine. He felt like he should be glowing, he was so happy to see Blaine awake.

Blaine looked confused and irritable. “Fiancé? What are you talking about?”

Kurt looked at his dad, shocked, then turned back. “Um, don’t you remember? The day we crashed, we went for that picnic at Sells Park? You asked me to marry you?” He held up his left hand to show Blaine the ring. “Does this look familiar?” He was desperately hoping this was just confusion due to the coma.

“No, it doesn’t. First of all, I have no idea who you are,” Blaine said, his expression dark and his tone was like ice.

Kurt's stomach sank and a cold shock went through his system. Amnesia.

Blaine’s face twisted with disgust. “And second of all, there’s no way in hell I’d be engaged to someone like you. I’m no fag.”

 

. . . . . .

 

**There we go. Please don’t hate me! Reviews, folks, please!!**


	4. Broken

**I own nothing. It’s gonna get pretty angsty people. And THERE WILL BE HOMOPHOBIC SLURS. So, if that’s a trigger, please don’t read any further.**

 . . . . . .

Kurt stood there, his mouth hanging open. Were his ears damaged in the car accident? Had he really just heard those words and _that_ word come out of Blaine’s mouth? His veins felt frozen, like he couldn’t move, couldn’t do anything but stare in horror and shock.

“Blaine, why don’t you take a minute and try to remember some things,” Burt said, putting his hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “Do you know where you live?”

“I live somewhere near the college, I’m not exactly sure where,” Blaine said, looking confused. “Why can’t I remember?”

“It looks like you’re dealing with some amnesia, kiddo. You and Kurt here were in a pretty bad car accident. You’ve been in a coma for three days now. It’s not surprising that you might forget some things. You live in an apartment with Kurt, and you’re right it’s near the college.” Burt said, rubbing Kurt’s back when he noticed he was shaking. He knew he had to stay calm for Kurt’s sake, but this wasn’t looking good for his boy.

The doctor walked in just then and Kurt and Burt backed away. The doctor took Blaine through basic questions that Blaine was able to answer fine. He knew his name, age, birthday, his major in college, his parent’s names.

“How can this happen?” Kurt asked no one in particular. “How can he forget only me?”

“There might be other people he doesn’t remember. Someone will need to go over photo albums with him. But odds are high that he’ll get all of his memories back. The key right now is for him to have a calm environment so he can heal,” the doctor answered him.

The doctor gave some instructions to the nurse and they walked out of the room.

Kurt knew he had to try again. Desperation welled up in him as he walked back to the bed. “Blaine, I’m Kurt Hummel. We met at Dalton Academy and began dating a couple months after that. You transferred to McKinley High for your senior year so we could be together. Does any of that sound right?” Kurt tried to keep the frightened tremor out of his voice, but was unsuccessful.

Blaine stared at him, his eyes so cold they seemed to pierce right through Kurt’s heart. “I remember Dalton and I remember McKinley. But I don’t know who the hell you are. And it’s kinda pissing me off that you keep insisting I’m a homo. I never have been and I never will be.”

“But, Blaine, please. I love you,” Kurt begged for him to understand.

“What’s going on?” Evan Anderson asked, coming in to the room, Nora close behind.

“Dad, Mom, thank God you’re here. This kid is convinced I’m gay and we’re engaged to be married. You guys know I’ve never been gay a day in my life. Could you help me straighten him out? I just came out of a freaking coma and this is not what I want to be dealing with,” Blaine said, sounding tired, but glad to see his parents.

Kurt saw any chance he had to convince Blaine quickly disappear.

“Kurt, would you and Burt wait out in the hall, please,” Nora said, unable to hide the sneer of delight on her face.

“But,” Kurt started.

“Come on, son,” Burt said gently, leading him into the hallway. Kurt’s whole body began shaking and his dad took him into his arms. Burt had never felt so helpless. The look in Blaine’s eyes. That was not the kid Burt knew and cared so much for. That was a stranger. Would their Blaine ever come back? He knew Kurt was going to ask that question and Burt was terrified of the answer.

“Dad, what’s going on?” Kurt cried, weeping into his father’s neck. “What happened to Blaine?”

“I don’t know, buddy. We know it’s got to be some sort of amnesia,” he said.

“But he remembered all the other important details except the ones that pertained to me. Where we live, the engagement, where he was going when we got in the wreck. Did you see, he was happy to see his parents. What the hell? Is this even possible?” Kurt’s mind was swirling, trying to make reason out of the chaos.

“Honestly? I don’t know, son,” Burt said, stepping back. He took Kurt’s chin in his eyes and for a second he wondered where his little boy had gone. The tea parties, the dress up games, all of that was gone. Before him stood a man who was now dealing with the potential of a man’s broken heart. “We are going to get through this together, okay? You aren’t alone in this.”

Kurt had a feeling he was very much alone. More alone than he’d ever feared.

Just then, Nora came out of the room. “We’d appreciate it if you two went home now,” she said without preamble.

“I’m not going until I know Blaine is going to be okay,” Kurt insisted, drying his eyes on his sleeve.

“Blaine does not want you here and he asked us to make sure that you wouldn’t return to bother him. We will be notifying the nurse’s station that you and your family are not to be allowed in his room. He needs to heal, he doesn’t need any undue stress,” she said, a small smile playing on her mouth.

“You’re just loving this, aren’t you,” Burt snapped.

“I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said with a sniff.

“You’ve never accepted Blaine and I as a couple. This must be perfect for you. But Blaine loves me. Somewhere in there he knows it,” Kurt insisted, praying it was the truth.

“Blaine doesn’t love you, Kurt. He isn’t gay. We knew it would only be a matter of time until he figured that out and now that he has we can all move on with our lives. You can move on with your life. Starting now. Good day,” she said dismissively and walked back into the room.

Kurt made to follow her when Burt grabbed his arm. “No, kid, we gotta respect Blaine’s wishes. Come on, let’s get you home and into bed.”

Kurt didn’t want to go. Blaine had to be made to see… If Kurt could just say the right thing to trigger his memory… If he left, wouldn’t it be accepting defeat? Accepting that the man he loved was gone? Finally, he acquiesced and left the hospital, left his true love behind, not knowing if he would ever see him again.

 

. . .

 

Burt got Kurt settled in his room and went to the store to get some fresh food for the apartment. Kurt reclined against the headboard, the TV playing across from him. The news maybe, or a cooking show, Kurt didn’t know and didn’t care. This wasn’t happening. It couldn’t. He was going to wake up and see Blaine’s beautiful golden eyes glowing at him, his mouth whispering words of love to him. Because that was all that was good and right in this world. Blaine and Kurt. He felt nauseous at the thought of being without him. And it wasn’t even like it was a break-up. Blaine didn’t remember him and denied even being gay.

“Kurt, you in there?”

“Mercedes?” he asked, hearing the familiar voice.

“Yeah. It’s me and Rachel,” she said. “Can we come back there?”

“Of course,” Kurt said, wiping his eyes with a Kleenex. He tried to school his features into a neutral expression until he saw the faces of his best friends. They knew. “Who told you?”

“Burt told Finn and he told Rachel who told me,” Mercedes said. “I hope it’s okay.”

Kurt shrugged. “Doesn’t matter, I guess. If the amnesia sticks, everyone will find out anyway.”

The girls came and sat on either side of him on his bed. “You don’t have to pretend to be brave, Kurt,” Rachel said softly.

He looked at her and saw her eyes were glittering with tears. That tore down his last defense and he broke down into sobs so harsh and ragged, it ripped at his head, making it ache. The girls surrounded him with their arms and cried with him, whispering comforting words, but mostly just being there. What else could they do?

“He called me a fag, a homo! That isn’t Blaine!” Kurt cried, rocking himself.

Mercedes exchanged a worried look with Rachel. “No that isn’t him, honey. But we have to give him his space right now. He’ll figure things out,” she said. _I hope_ , she mouthed to Rachel, who nodded.

Kurt cried until he was spent and curled up in the large bed, clasping Blaine’s pillow to his chest. It smelled like a mixture of his cologne, his hair gel, and the masculine scent of him. Rachel covered him with the comforter and stayed with him until they heard his breathing get deep. They closed his doors right when Burt came in with the groceries.

“Is he sleeping?” Burt asked, feeling emotionally drained.

“Yeah. He is a wreck, though, Mr. Hummel,” Mercedes said, helping unload the food.

“Well, it’s only going to get worse,” he said and the girls looked at him warily. “After confirming with his parents that he was roommates with Kurt, only roommates mind you, Blaine said he didn’t want to live here anymore. His folks contacted Wes and David who said Blaine could move in with them. They asked them to pack up Blaine’s stuff and move it before Blaine gets out of the hospital so he doesn’t have to ‘go through more stress’,” he said, using air quotes. “This is gonna rip Kurt apart.”

“Oh my god,” Rachel murmured, her hand over her mouth. “How are we going to tell him?”

“Well, we’re going to wait until he wakes up. He’s dealt with enough of a shock as it is,” Mercedes said.

Burt nodded. “Absolutely. Wes and David get along with Kurt, so they’ll at least be kind about it. We’ll arrange it for tomorrow so Kurt can rest for today. Can one of you call Wes?”

Rachel nodded. “I will. How is he going to get through this?”

They were silent for a time. All of them, all of everyone had figured Kurt and Blaine would be together forever. There was a wholeness between the two of them, something special that had brought them into each other’s lives. They were two halves of a whole. How did you live without half of your soul? Could you?

 

. . .

 

Kurt woke up the next morning, his eyes swollen almost shut. He moaned and rolled over to grab a cup of water off the nightstand. Taking a sip, he put it back and laid down. Reaching over for Blaine, he felt the need for a good cuddle after such a horrible night’s sleep. Feeling the empty side of the bed, Kurt opened his eyes wider to see. Was Blaine already up and reading the paper with his morning toast? He rubbed his eyes and felt something scratch at his face. Looking at his wrist, he saw the hospital bracelet. In that instant, everything flooded back. The shock, the grief, the horror of the day before. Blaine wasn’t in the kitchen. Blaine didn’t acknowledge that he loved Kurt. He’d left the hospital without his love. Tears streaked down his face and a hoarse cry escaped him. Suddenly he felt desperate for Blaine, for his arms around him, his voice in his ear. He scooted out of the bed and went to the laundry basket by the closet. Spying Blaine’s sleep t-shirt at the top, he grabbed it and put it on after taking his own shirt off. He didn’t care if it hadn’t been washed yet. It smelled like Blaine. Going to Blaine’s dresser, he pulled out a pair of his pajama pants and switched those with the ones his dad brought him. He even slid into a pair of Blaine’s barely worn socks and his slippers.

He went to the bathroom and washed his face, not bothering to do anything else.  It didn’t seem to matter anymore. Padding out to the kitchen, he heard voices and hoped there was a pot of coffee. Rachel, Mercedes, Finn, Carole, and his dad were all sitting or standing around the table. He froze for a moment.

“Want some coffee, sweetie?” Carole offered, walking to the coffee maker.

“Yes, please,” he said, still standing there.

“What?” Finn said suddenly before staring at Rachel. “Oh, right. Hey, dude, you can have my spot. Sit down.”

“Thanks Finn,” Kurt said, already feeling tired just from changing his clothes.

They kept up a semblance of conversation as Kurt sipped at his coffee. He turned down toast despite the look his dad gave him. He didn’t have an appetite and he didn’t even know if he’d be able to keep anything down anyway. Something in the room changed when he got up and poured his second cup. His dad looked at his watch and gave Carole a funny look.

“Kurt, sweetie, sit down, please,” she said.

“What? What happened now? Is Blaine okay?” Kurt couldn’t handle it if something happened to Blaine, he thought as he went back to the table.

His dad grumbled something but before he could figure it out, Carole put her hand over his. “Kurt, Blaine still doesn’t have his memory back, but he is doing much better. He’ll be released from the hospital tomorrow.”

Kurt smiled, hope curling through him. “That’s wonderful. Okay, well, we’d better stock up on some food, maybe get some movies he can watch while he’s getting better.” He saw all of them exchange a look and the hope disappeared as quickly as it came. “What is it?”

“Honey, he doesn’t want to come back here. He still doesn’t remember you and says he’d feel better staying somewhere else,” Carole’s voice trailed off at the look of devastation on Kurt’s face. “I’m sure it’s temporary, Kurt. But you need to understand, he has no idea who you are. It would be kind of weird to go somewhere that doesn’t feel like home.”

“But all of his stuff is here, it is his home,” Kurt insisted, tears brimming over. Mercedes tucked a tissue in his hand and he swiped at his face.

“Kurt, there is no easy way to say this,” Burt said. “Blaine doesn’t want to live here, so his parents arranged with Wes and David to have him live with them. They, uh, will be coming over to pack up his stuff this morning.”

Kurt’s blue eyes were wide with grief. “He’s moving out?”

“It’s only because he doesn’t remember you, Kurt,” Rachel said, reaching out to rub his arm.

“I’m sure he’ll move right back in as soon as he remembers,” Mercedes added.

“And if he never remembers?” Kurt demanded. “What then? What about moving to New York? What about getting married? What about building a life together?”

“Kurt, please don’t get yourself worked up. Let’s just take this one day at a time. There is nothing saying his memory won’t come back tomorrow,” Carole said, then Burt glared at her. “Or sometime soon. We just need to respect his wishes. You would want the same thing.”

“I would never, could never, forget him,” Kurt whispered, staring at the table in a daze.

“Do you want us to pack up his stuff for you?” Mercedes asked. “We’re here to help as much as we can.”

“No. I’ll do it,” he said, thinking he could do this much for his love. “What about the furniture? We bought it together.”

“Um. His folks are buying a new bed and anything else he’ll need,” Burt said quietly.

“Oh yeah. I’m sure this is their dream come true. They’re more than willing to spend money and do things for him now that he’s straight,” Kurt said with disgust.

The doorbell rang and Burt went to answer it. He came back to the kitchen with Wes who had a pile of folded up boxes in his arms.

“Kurt is going to pack Blaine’s stuff up for him, Wes,” Rachel said. “Would you help assemble the boxes and then we’ll call you when everything is ready to go?”

“That would be great, thanks. I didn’t know how I was going to figure out whose stuff was whose. Hey, Kurt, man, I’m damn sorry about all of this,” Wes said, sympathy in his eyes.

“Thanks, Wes,” Kurt muttered.

“And we’re just downstairs, so if you need anything, just let us know,” Wes added, referring to their apartment on the first floor.

“I don’t think Blaine would like that,” Kurt objected.

Wes looked at him almost sternly. “We are still your friends and Blaine will just have to deal with that. It’ll become very obvious very quickly how life was before, so don’t worry about that. If you need us, we’re here, okay?”

Kurt stood and hugged the other man. “Thank you,” he said with more feeling.

Finn, Burt, and Wes assembled the boxes and soon they were all just standing there.

“Would you guys give me a couple hours? I’ll get this sorted out and text you when I’m done. I think I need to do this alone,” Kurt said.

They all agreed, looking somewhat relieved. “We’ll all be nearby, so just call if you need anything.”

Kurt nodded and saw them all out. He stood there for a moment before taking the first box into the living room. Numbly he began sorting through their large collection of books. If he couldn’t remember whose book it was, he just put it in the box. He worked quickly and soon had all the books, pictures, and knickknacks packed up. The kitchen he looked through but didn’t pack anything. Most of it was his since he did most of the cooking. He could have packed Blaine’s favorite coffee mug, the one with the giant  bowtie on it, but he kept it. If Blaine couldn’t remember it, there was no harm in keeping it. Walking into the bedroom, he stared around, feeling as if a knife were ripping a jagged hole in his heart. This room had been their sanctuary, the place where they had their best conversations, where they relaxed, where they shared the endless passion they had for each other. Now he was supposed to take it all apart. Turning on his iPod, he shuffled through until he found a song that wasn’t one he and Blaine had sang together, or danced to, or talked about. It left a rather narrow selection.

Taking a deep breath, he plunged in, packing Blaine’s bathroom supplies. Staring at his favorite cologne, Kurt spritzed himself with it before taking it in and spraying it on Blaine’s pillow and then packing it. He was moving slower now as he was tiring out. He gathered up all of Blaine’s shoes, amazed at the amount of memories you could have of a person based only on their shoes. He remembered going dancing, walking, jogging with different pairs. He broke down when it came to Blaine’s bowtie collection. Gathering all of them up, he hugged them to himself before putting them in the box. The closet was the final chore. Boxes of photos, memorabilia, paperwork, all got packed up. They still kept all of their bills separate since they weren’t married yet, so that made things easier. He would have to call and have the cable switched into his name, though. Tears started up again at the thought of that small chore. Grabbing the last two boxes, he turned to the clothes that were hanging up. A song started playing as he finished folding each garment carefully and lovingly. His head hung down as he closed up the box. Staying on his knees next to it, he tilted his head up and sang mournfully.

In the living room, his friends and family were back. As they walked in and heard his beautiful voice above the music, they stopped to listen. Tears began flowing all around as they heard what he was singing.

 

_A chair is still a chair_

_Even when there's no one sitting there._

_But a chair is not a house_

_And a house is not a home_

_When there's no one there to hold you tight_

_And no one there you can kiss goodnight._

_A room is still a room_

_Even when there's nothing there but gloom._

_But a room is not a house_

_And a house is not a home_

_When the two of us are far apart._

_And one of us has a broken heart._

_Now and then I call your name_

_And suddenly a face appears._

_But it's just a crazy game_

_And when it ends,_

_It ends in tears._

_So darling, have a heart._

_Don't let one mistake keep us apart._

_I'm not meant to live alone,_

_Turn this house into a home._

_When I climb the stair and turn the key,_

_Oh, please be there,_

_Still in love with me._

 

Kurt looked up through his tears as the song ended. He was surrounded by the people who loved him and as one, they knelt near him and put their arms around him. For a long time, they just sat there, sharing the warmth and the love that Kurt needed so badly. Even if it wasn’t the right love.

 . . . . . . .

**“A House is Not A Home” by  Burt Bacharach and Hal David.**


	5. Be Strong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the angst folks, that’s kinda the theme for this ff. There’ll be happier moments, just not yet.   
> The song for this chapter is an oldie, like moldy oldie. It’s “I’m Gonna Be Strong” by Gene Pitney. Listen to it, all the way to the unbelievable last note and try to hear Kurt singing it. *shivers* That would be amazing. You can hear it at http:// www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=llGsjF48E0g. There’s a newer version by Cyndi Lauper found here, http:// www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=rbx7ss4F7JE&ob=av2n. I picture the old version for the performance.
> 
> Warning for homophobic talk and slurs.

Kurt was somewhat surprised when he woke up the next morning to see the sun shining into his room. He’d expected the world to end while he slept. At least he’d hoped it would. But, no, the sun rose and he was laying in bed alone. He’d fallen asleep grasping Blaine’s pillow, drinking in his scent, and woke up clutching it like it was a lifeline. At this point, it kind of was. Life still felt surreal, like he was living a nightmare and would wake up eventually. It didn’t seem likely he would, though.

He shuffled to the bathroom, more and more aware of how sore he still was. The accident seemed like an after-thought when he was dealing with his heart being ripped out. Standing under the hot spray of the shower allowed him a moment’s reprieve. After dressing in jeans and a t-shirt he’d snagged from Blaine’s drawer while he packed it, he went to the kitchen. Hearing noise outside, he leaned over the kitchen sink to see down into the parking lot. He froze as he saw Blaine getting out of his parents Mercedes. His eyes hungrily ate up every detail about the man he loved. Dressed in sweats and a t-shirt that was too long, he was still the most beautiful creature Kurt had ever seen. He was moving okay, a little slow. He looked like he hadn’t been sleeping very well, there were circles under his eyes. After Wes helped him from the car, Blaine stood there and stared up at the apartment building, before shaking his head and shrugging. Kurt guessed he still didn’t remember it. He watched until they disappeared from view and fought every urge he had to run down and beg Blaine to please try and remember. Talking with his friends and family the night before helped him realize this really was the best thing to do for now. Blaine didn’t need extra stress while he was healing and Kurt wouldn’t cause him any.

A couple hours later as Kurt was puttering around doing laundry and dusting furniture that didn’t need it, the doorbell rang. He made his way to the door, not having expected anyone to visit. He’d told his family he needed some time to himself. Looking through the peephole, he smiled.

Opening the door, he held his arms open. “Cooper, how are you?”

“Hey, little brother, it’s good to see you. Nice shiners you got there,” Cooper replied with a grin, giving him a gentle hug.

“Yeah, I know, I’m a vision in purple and green. Come on in. Can I get you something to drink or eat?” Kurt said stepping back and letting Blaine’s very tall brother come in. Cooper was at least 6’1” with dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. Kurt had met him while they were still back at McKinley and the two had hit it off right away.

“Coffee would be great, thank you. I see the place hasn’t changed much,” Cooper replied, looking around. He must have seen the half empty bookcases and missing pictures, but was kind enough not to say anything.

Kurt got him a cup of coffee, black, as he liked it and poured himself a cup with plenty of half and half. They settled in the living room and talked about Cooper’s latest jobs in the commercial world and the one role he had coming up on a soap opera.

“You’re here ahead of schedule,” Kurt noted lightly after a few minutes of conversation.

“Yeah. Mom and Dad thought it would help if I was here since Bl, since he’s uh, having a hard time adjusting,” he said, looking down.

“You can say his name, you know. I may be a wreck, but I don’t hate him or anything,” Kurt said with a sad smile. “The exact opposite actually.”

“I know you do, Kurt. I just, he’s just different, you know?” Cooper said, shaking his head and looking frustrated. “There’s like this edge to him now, a hardness to his attitude and expressions that wasn’t there before.”

“I noticed that, but I figured it was because of me,” Kurt noted. Why would Blaine’s personality change so drastically? He asked the question aloud, hoping Cooper could shine some light on it.

“I have no idea. When Dad told me he ‘got over’ being gay, I knew something was wrong. And they are so freaking thrilled about it all,” he said, his blue eyes glittering with anger. “I may not be gay, but I know it’s who you are, it’s not something you get over or can just forget about. I don’t understand how any of this is even possible.”

“I don’t either. I agree with you. Being gay is as much a part of me as my overly pale skin,” Kurt said, chuckling grimly.

“What was going on the day of the accident? What were you guys doing? Mom and Dad don’t know the particulars and Blaine doesn’t remember,” Cooper asked, sipping his coffee.

“We had spent the day together. He, well, he proposed to me,” Kurt said, seeing Coop’s eyes go wide.

“Really? That’s amazing!”

Kurt gave a sad smile and held out his ring, which he refused to take off. Cooper leaned forward to look at it.

“Hey, congratulations man! Oh shit,” he said, his grin fading quickly, his eyes going sympathetic. “Oh shit, Kurt, I am so sorry.”

“I know. Anyway, we went to dinner and when we were done, we called your folks and told them about the engagement. They hit the fan, calling us all sorts of nasty names and talking about how unnatural we were. I hung up on them and we started home and that’s when we were hit,” Kurt said, shivering lightly at the memory.

Cooper stared at his mug for a long moment. “I wonder if that has something to do with it.”

“What do you mean?” Kurt asked, not seeing where he was going.

“Well, the last thing he really hears is how evil being gay is and it’s unnatural and all the names. And then he’s in an accident. If he took to heart what they said to him, maybe that’s the Blaine that came out of the coma. He’s just reflecting what they said to him, the way they described him.”

Kurt thought about that and shrugged. “It makes a sort of sense. I don’t know if that’s why it happened, but it would certainly give us some sort of explanation.”

“Yeah. It just blows my mind that he remembers everything except his entire life with you. He remembered Wes and David and joked around about some pranks they pulled back in their Dalton days. But he doesn’t even remember this apartment building. And you guys have been here, what, going on two years, right?” Cooper said, his face a mask of frustration.

“A little over two, yeah,” Kurt agreed, his head starting to ache.

“How are you doing, little brother? I know this must be an utter nightmare for you,” Cooper said gently, putting his hand on Kurt’s.

“Honestly? I feel like I can’t breathe half the time. I’m constantly waiting for him to text me or come home or tease me because I didn’t do my hair this morning. Or ask for some toast or complain about losing another bowtie. It’s like I’m only partially living. I hate it. I hate every minute of every day and I don’t know how to make it stop. I keep trying to think of something I could do or say that could remind him or convince him of the truth. And I miss him. Oh god, Cooper, I miss him so damn much,” Kurt said, clutching at the pain in his chest.

Cooper scooted closer and slid his arm around Kurt as he cried. “I.. keep.. thinking.. I’ll reach the… end of the tears,” he gasped between sobs. “But it just… keeps.. keeps coming.”

“I know. Let it out, Kurt. It’s just you and me here, you don’t have to pretend for me,” Cooper said, rubbing the younger mans arms, blinking back his own tears.

For several long minutes Kurt let the grief take him over, welcomed it, drowned in it, accepted it as a part of who he was. When he sat back, taking deep shuddering breaths, Cooper got up and found a wash cloth, wetted it and brought it to him. Kurt smiled gratefully and wiped his face.

“I really, really don’t want to leave, but I’m expected downstairs.  The parents, you know. You have my number and I’ll be here for a good couple weeks, maybe longer if I’m needed. Call or text any time, okay?” Cooper said, looking almost stern.

“Thanks Cooper. I just might do that,” Kurt said, standing and walking him to the door. Cooper gave him a final hug and headed off down the hall, his own heart heavier than when he got there.

Kurt sighed and looked around, suddenly feeling the desperate need to get out of the house. He looked at his watch and realized not only was it Monday, but Velocity practice began in twenty minutes. That might be just what he needed. Besides, there were some things he needed to say to his fellow singers. He did another clean wash-up in the bathroom and threw some product in his hair, truly not caring. Grabbing his sunglasses, wallet, and keys, he headed out. The ride to the college was quick and he was the first one in the Mem-Aud building. He sat there in the front row, waiting for everyone else.

Mercedes and Tina were there first, coming in and hugging him, talking softly. Slowly, more members trickled in, hugging him gently and offering their apologies and wishes for both his and Blaine’s recovery. After Mr. Schue got there and called everyone to attention, Kurt walked up to the front.

“Can I have the floor for a minute, Mr. Schue?” he asked politely.

“Of course, Kurt. Take as long as you need. It’s good to see you up and around,” the curly haired teacher said with a smile and retreated to a seat.

“I want to thank you all for your well wishes. I’m healing well and from what I hear, Blaine is too. Who here has not heard about Blaine’s amnesia?” There were several gasps and hands that quickly raised, including Mr. Schue’s. That surprised him, he’d figured everyone would have known by now. “Blaine was in a coma for three days after the car accident. When he woke up, he, uh, well, he had no idea who I was or who my dad was. I talked to him for a while and tried to jog his memory, but it was useless. He seems to remember everything else pretty well, though there are some hazy parts. The reason I’m sharing this is because I’m going to need all of your help when he returns to practice. See, along with not remembering me, he says he isn’t gay,” Kurt said and paused as gasps filled the room.

“How the hell is that even possible?” Puck demanded.

“That is the question on all of our minds. To compound the issue, his parents are feeding into the story, agreeing that he isn’t gay and never has been. Between all three of them, they decided it was best if he lived with Wes and David for now. Or forever, I don’t know,” Kurt said, trying to not consider the fact that Blaine was lost to him forever.

“Kurt, are you okay?” Lauren asked. “Can we do anything?”

Several voices raised to agree with her and Kurt smiled, loving them all in that moment. “Actually, yes. To help Blaine’s healing, I am going to ask all of you to go along with what he believes.”

“Aw, hell to the no!” Mercedes shouted.

“Are you crazy?” Mike said, his eyes wide.

“That’s insane,” Lauren agreed.

“Please, everyone, please listen,” Kurt interrupted holding up his hands. “I am not asking you to feed into what he believes. What I am asking is that you don’t all bombard him and try to convince him of the way he used to be. Don’t tell stories about he and I or tell him he’s insane or whatever you think may be able to help. Right now, to help me, I need you to just be there for him and to be his friends. Time will tell if this is permanent. Regardless, I still love him very much and want to do whatever it takes to make sure he is safe, healthy, and happy.” Kurt gave them all stern looks, hoping they took him seriously.

“Sounds fair,” Sam said. “I don’t like it, but it sounds fair.”

“Fine, fancy, though the hobbit doesn’t deserve you if he’s kicking your sweet ass to the curb,” Santana said. Kurt recognized her “Lima Heights” expression and winked at her.

“If you guys don’t mind, I came with a number ready. I need to express myself in song,” Kurt said, pulling some sheet music out of his bag.

“We’d love that, Kurt,” Mr. Schue said and pointed toward the stage where Brad, the piano man, and the rest of the band members were patiently sitting.

Kurt walked up on the stage and passed out the music before stepping in front of the microphone. The guitar started in softly, with the violins just barely there in the background.

 

_I can see you're slipping away from me_

_and you're so afraid I'll plead with you to stay_

_But I'm gonna be strong and let you go your way_

_Our love is gone, there's no sense in holding on_

_‘Cause your pity now would be too much to bear_

_So I'm gonna be strong and pretend I don't care_

Kurt's voice lifted in a powerful crescendo, the violins and piano joining him in a rise of music.

_I'm gonna be strong and stand as tall as I can_

_Yes I'm gonna be strong and let you run along_

_and take it like a man_

_When you say it's the end I'll just hand you a line_

_I'll smile and say ‘don't you worry, I'm fine’_

Kurt put all of his power into the final stanza, feeling the ache for Blaine deep in his soul.

_And you'll never know_

_Darling after you kiss me goodbye,_

_How I'll break down and cry_

 

Holding the final note as long as he could, he closed his eyes and lifted his arms, tears streaming down his face.

When he opened his eyes, every member of Velocity was standing on their feet applauding, most of them with tears of their own. Despite feeling so desperately alone, between his family at home and this family here, he thought he just might make it through this in one piece. He gave them all a watery smile, a sweeping bow and resumed his seat in the audience.

 

**Next up: Kurt’s first run in with Blaine since the hospital and the new school term starts. Reviews are loved and appreciated! Thank you.**


	6. What I've Done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s start on the road to recovery, shall we? Either that or I’m gonna need anti-depressants for my own story. Hehehe Okay, a couple of homophobic slurs (those will go away all together soon), so be aware. We’ll get some of Blaine’s point of view a bit later in the chapter.

The rest of the week went by quickly. Kurt was thankful for the coming start of term and the workload that would come with it. He kept himself busy with reading he would need to have completed by Monday. Mercedes, Rachel, and Tina came over a couple of times for movies and makeovers. He didn’t care if he was 20 years old, a makeover still made him giddy. After he was done styling Tina’s hair, she swore she’d never wear it any other way, which brought out an actual smile. Cooper came over and took Kurt to dinner one night and they were able to talk for a couple hours. Kurt asked how Blaine was healing, but other than that, he didn’t ask anything further. He had to start distancing himself. As it was, he’d passed by Nora Anderson when he went to check the mail on Thursday and was warned to stay away from Blaine. She told him Blaine was adjusting just fine and didn’t need any of his nonsense to interrupt the healing process.   
Living alone was a challenge. Everything he did, something would remind him of Blaine. Getting ready in the morning, making toast for one, laundry for one person. No bowties on the dresser. The scent of Blaine on his pillow was fading. And every night he had nightmares about Blaine and him yelling at Kurt, calling him horrible names. In the end, Kurt would just sit there and scream in the dream until he woke up, typically sweaty and drenched in his own tears.  
Saturday brought a moment Kurt had been dreading. He was coming back from the grocery store, a bag in his hand when Blaine walked out of the apartment building. They both froze and Kurt quickly drank in his appearance. Blaine was definitely looking better, his bruises were faded and the cuts were no longer visible. His eyes were back to a clear golden color, no longer surrounded by shadows. Kurt was truly glad to see he was doing well, even if there was an edge to his expression like Cooper had mentioned.   
“Hi Blaine,” Kurt said hesitantly. “How are you?”  
“Kurt, right?” At Kurt’s nod, Blaine continued. “I’m doing good. Healing up quick. I should be able to start classes on Monday with everyone else. And uh, hey, thanks for packing up all my stuff.”  
Kurt’s heart soared at his words. Just hearing his voice was enough to make his nerve endings come alive.   
“No problem, really,” he finally said, gushing a bit too much. “Blaine, please know I’m here if you want to talk or need to fill in some memory gaps. I’d be happy to help any way I can.”  
Blaine’s face completely shut down and his eyes, though golden, seemed to turn to ice. “I don’t need your kind of help.”  
Kurt’s eyes widened in hurt. He unconsciously took a step toward Blaine, raising a hand. “Blaine…”  
“Hey back off,” Blaine said, putting both his hands on Kurt’s chest and shoving him roughly. Kurt stumbled back and fell on the cement.   
Kurt was so shocked, he just stayed there on the ground, his eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.  
“My parents warned me you were one of those predatory gays. Just stay away from me, got it?” Blaine barked at him. Kurt had never even heard that tone from him before.  
“Hey, what’s going on,” Wes said, coming out of the building. “Blaine, what the hell?” He came over and gave Kurt a hand up. “You okay?”  
“I’m fine,” Kurt muttered, grabbing his grocery bag that had fallen and walked into the building.  
“What the hell was that?” Wes demanded. “Did you hit him?”  
“I just shoved him. He looked like he was gonna try and come on to me. Who cares, anyway.” Blaine retorted.  
“I care. A lot of people care, Blaine. I know you don’t remember, but he has been your best friend for over three years. You two have been through hell and back. Whether you remember or not, you can at least treat him with some decency,” Wes insisted.  
“Whatever,” Blaine said, but sounded a bit more calm.  
Kurt, who had been listening the whole time just inside the door, went upstairs, more miserable than ever. He put the groceries away and sat at the table, still in shock. Blaine had never raised a hand to him in anger. They’d played, wrestled, tickled, and loved, but never touched each other in anger. He couldn’t even recognize the person he’d seen downstairs. That was not the man he loved. And now, he’d taken it even further by being physical.   
Digging out his phone he texted Mercedes.  
K: I can’t do this. I can’t see him every day and know he hates me.  
M: What happened?  
K: I reached out to him and he shoved me.  
M: Kurt! Are you ok?  
K: Yeah. Shocked and hurt emotionally, but okay. Wes came up to us right after. Told B to be nice to me.  
M: I’m so sorry sweetie.  
K: I think I should quit Velocity. It will hurt too much to see him knowing he can’t stand me.  
M: No, Kurt. It will be hard, but you belong in V. You need to be there. You need the support of those who love you and accept you. We’ll help you thru this.  
K: I’ll give it a try, but I’m not promising anything.  
M: That’s all I’m asking.

. . . 

Monday, Kurt dressed with his usual flair, taking time to do his hair for the first time since the accident. Looking at his hand, he switched the ring to his right hand. He didn’t want Blaine to see it and get upset or demand it back. As long as nobody told him about the ring, he may not even know about it, and Kurt had no problem keeping it.  
As he drove and found a parking spot at the college lot, he prepared himself for possibly seeing Blaine during the day. Both of them being in the arts department, though separate areas, meant some of their classes would be in the same building. He made himself promise that if he saw him, he could have one look, but keep walking.   
His first class was filled with familiar faces who were also heading toward a degree in fashion and it was like returning to a comfortable blanket. He even found himself excited at some of the projects they would be tackling during the year.  
Leaving the building to walk to his next class, he came face to face with Blaine. His eyes went wide and he came to a stop. Then he gave himself a mental shake, lowered his eyes, and walked away. He could swear Blaine was looking back at him so he hurried to the building across the way for his next class. There was still a half hour until it started and he’d hoped to just wander a bit while listening to music, but now he just wanted to get in the classroom.

. . . 

Blaine felt a twinge of remorse at the wide eyed fear that had shown in Kurt’s big blue eyes. Remembering what his parents said, he shook his head and walked into the building. There were a few minutes before his classical music class, so he slid against the wall to sit on the floor. School wasn’t as challenging as he’d feared. He had retained all of his memories from his classes and he knew he’d adjust to the schedule soon. So why was it that this skinny pale kid was the only person he couldn’t remember? His folks had convinced him he was something of a stalker, but he hadn’t seen that side of him. Not yet, anyway. Maybe the shove he’d given him had straightened him out. Chuckling to himself at his own pun brought up the most bothersome thought. Kurt, Wes, and David had all told him he’d been gay before the accident. How the hell was that even possible? He remembered girls, lots of girls over the years. Not being with them, apparently his sex life was somewhat limited. But he definitely remembered being surrounded by a lot of girls. He didn’t like the thought of people thinking he was a homo, so his first extra-curricular activity would be to find a woman. There had to be a start-of-school party going on somewhere. Seeing the professor unlock the door to the class, he hopped up, feeling relieved to have a plan. 

. . . 

Later that afternoon, Blaine approached the Memorial Auditorium and had his first experience with nerves. He had been prepared by his roommates that Kurt was in the group. Apparently, most of the members of Velocity were their mutual friends and knew he had been with Kurt. He swore to himself that the first person to say anything would get a fist in the nose. But he had promised Wes he wouldn’t raise a hand to Kurt again, choosing to believe the kid was okay until he proved otherwise. It didn’t mean he was going to befriend him. He just wouldn’t beat him up. Yet.  
Walking into the auditorium, he looked around warily. Most of the faces he could see were familiar, thank goodness. Sam, Trent, and Artie came up to him.  
“Hey man, welcome back,” Sam said, shaking his hand.  
“Yeah, it’s good to have you back all in one piece,” Trent agreed with a friendly smile.  
“Hope you’re ready to jump in to this, we have a number we’re rehearsing today,” Artie told him.  
“Thanks guys. And yeah, I’m definitely ready to get back into the swing of things,” Blaine said, pleased with the greeting.  
As he went to take a seat by David, he looked around at the other people in the room, some of them waving or calling hello. He sat down and looked at the door when someone else entered the room. Kurt came in and scanned the room quickly. His gaze widened - that kid had really big eyes Blaine noted - when their eyes met. Kurt quickly looked down and walked to the other side of the room where he sat down near Mercedes, Rachel, and Finn.  
Mr. Schuester came in the room and quieted everyone down. He saw Blaine and waved in greeting. “Hey Blaine, it’s good to see you back among us! We’re going to be working on a couple numbers for a performance in a couple weeks, so if you’re up to it, just follow along with the choreography. Maybe you can try singing the lines we set aside for you. Sound okay?”  
“Let’s do it,” Blaine said, with an excited smile. This was definitely something he remembered and missed. Singing, dancing, performing of all kind filled him with a thrill that truly made him feel alive.  
“Alright guys, Sam, Puck, Blaine, Trent, and Joe, come on up here and let’s run through the number,” Mr. Schue said.  
The guys piled on stage and took their places. Blaine went where Trent pointed to and looked over the music. He loved Linkin Park and had always wanted to do one of their songs. After a few times of moving through the choreography, he felt confident he could do it. As they took a water break, he turned and saw Finn come on stage. He and Puck came up to Blaine and towered over him.  
“What’s up, guys?” Blaine smiled, taking a gulp of water.  
“I don’t know what you can and can’t remember, but Kurt is my brother,” Finn growled.  
“Um, no I didn’t remember that. Odd. Okay, well, I’ll keep that in mind,” Blaine said, glad to have another piece of his memory puzzle in place.  
“So now that you know Kurt is my brother,” Finn started.  
“And my boy,” Puck said in a harsh tone.  
“If you ever raise a hand to him again,” Finn said and stepped into Blaine until he had to tilt his head up to see Finn’s furious face. “I will end you.”  
“And I will hold you down for him. Is that clear, hobbit?” Puck demanded.  
Blaine’s eyes were wide. “Um, yeah, absolutely. I’ll leave him alone,” he assured them.   
“Did you know he’s got two big hand sized bruises on his chest, you little punk?” Finn bit out.  
“No, I didn’t,” Blaine said, looking down, feeling truly remorseful. “I’m sorry.”  
“We aren’t the ones you need to apologize to,” Puck said and went back to his space on the stage.   
Mr. Schue called them back from their break and they all resumed their positions.  
“Okay, one more time, beginning to end. Rory, watch your spins, don’t run into anyone,” Mr. Schue said. “And… cue lights, cue music!” The stage went dark and as the intro music began playing, shafts of light flashed down on the singers, giving the performance a haunted look. 

(Puck)  
In this farewell  
There’s no blood  
There’s no alibi

(Joe)  
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret  
From the truth  
Of a thousand lies

(Sam)  
So let mercy come  
And wash away

(Group)  
What I’ve done  
I'll face myself  
To cross out what I’ve become  
Erase myself  
And let go of what I’ve done

Blaine couldn’t help looking at Kurt as he sang. The pale man stared back at him, deep emotion that Blaine didn’t recognize on his face. 

(Blaine)  
Put to rest  
What you thought of me  
While I clean this slate  
With the hands of uncertainty

(Trent)  
So let mercy come  
And wash away

(Group)  
What I’ve done  
I'll face myself  
To cross out what I’ve become  
Erase myself  
And let go of what I’ve done

As he sang, Blaine tried to convey a message to Kurt. He was sorry he’d shoved him. As far as he remembered, he’d never been a violent person. He didn’t want to be friends or anything, but he didn’t want the kid to be scared of him.

(Blaine)  
For what I’ve done  
I start again  
And whatever pain may come  
Today this ends  
I’m forgiving what I’ve done

(Group)  
I'll face myself  
To cross out what I’ve become  
Erase myself  
And let go of what I’ve done

(Group)  
Nananana (repeat)

(Blaine)  
What I’ve done  
Forgiving what I’ve done 

The group watching leapt up and applauded the group. Between the lights, singing, and choreography, it had been an astounding number. Blaine saw that Kurt stood and applauded, but wouldn’t look at the stage. He might have to go up to him to make sure he understood the apology he’d sung. The poor kid looked like he was going to collapse. Didn’t he sleep?  
Mr. Schue dismissed them back to their seats. “Okay, now we have Kurt, Rachel, Tina, and Santana. Come on up and take your places.”  
The four walked on stage, Kurt lagging a bit. But he went up and grabbed a stool with the girls. They lined them in a row and sat down, Kurt in the middle between Rachel and Tina. Blaine wondered how well the kid sang if he had to be in a group of all girls.  
“Cue music,” Mr. Schue called.

(Rachel)  
Kiss today goodbye,  
The sweetness and the sorrow.  
Wish me luck, the same to you.  
But I can't regret  
What I did for love, what I did for love.

(Santana)  
Look my eyes are dry.  
The gift was ours to borrow.  
Oh, it's as if we always knew,  
And I won't forget what I did for love,  
What I did for love.  
Blaine saw tears streaking down Kurt’s face before he even began to sing. Something in him tugged at the sight. Maybe it was just because Kurt was being a wuss. That didn’t sit well with him, but he pushed it aside.

(Kurt)  
Gone, love is never gone.  
As we travel on,  
Love's what we'll remember.

Blaine stared in shock. That voice. So high pitched, but sweet and pure. He had not expected that voice to come out of the pale man sitting there, his eyes filled with emotion. Unconsciously, he leaned forward, waiting to hear that voice again.

(Tina)  
Kiss today goodbye,  
And point me toward tomorrow.  
We did what we had to do.

(Kurt)  
Oh won't forget, can't regret  
What I did for love

(Rachel)  
What I did for love  
What I did for love 

(Kurt)  
Love is never gone.  
As we travel on,  
Love's what we'll remember.

(Group)  
Kiss today goodbye,  
And point me toward tomorrow.  
Oh we did what we had to do.

(Kurt)  
Oh won't forget, can't regret  
What I did for love

(Group)  
What I did for love

(Kurt)  
What I did for love

The song ended to another round of applause. Blaine got to his feet and whistled his approval. That had been a beautiful number. Kurt’s counter tenor voice had added a haunting loveliness to the song. Kurt glanced at him briefly before leaving the stage. He had to walk by Blaine to get back to his seat, so he reached out and touched Kurt’s arm as he walked by.  
“Hey Kurt, you sounded great up there,” Blaine said, and felt awful as the man flinched away from him.  
“Thanks,” Kurt muttered, keeping his eyes down.  
“I, uh, want to apologize for shoving you yesterday. That isn’t me, even if I can’t remember some things. I’m sorry,” Blaine said sincerely.  
Kurt looked up and Blaine was hit by that overwhelming blue-green gaze. “Thank you for that,” he said softly before lowering his eyes and walking away.  
Blaine watched him take his seat. For the rest of practice, he was silent, only answering questions that were directed at him. His thoughts were a mess and he didn’t even know what to think. All he knew was, he was going to be decent to Kurt. He deserved that much, and Blaine owed it to him.  
“Hey, did you hear the Alpha’s are having a party tonight? First day of school thing,” David told him as they gathered their things to leave. “You feel up to it?”  
Blaine remembered his determination to find a girl and nodded. “Absolutely. Do we have time to go home and change?”  
“Yep. It doesn’t start until ten so we’re good on time,” he said.  
Blaine nodded. This could end up being a really good day. And night.

. . . . . . .  
Songs were: Linkin Park “What I’ve Done” (I would love to see Glee cover a LP song!), A Chorus Line “What I Did For Love”. Up next: the party. Reviews please! Pretty please?! I promise happy times…eventually.


	7. Single Ladies

**M/F Smut warning. Very short chapter, as I only wanted to cover the party.**

**. . . . . . . .**

“Mercedes, I’m not ready to go to any parties,” Kurt insisted, tired after the emotional day. It was nine thirty and Mercedes had shown up at his door, ready to go party.

“It doesn’t matter if you are ready or not, you are going. You need to get out of this house and unwind. Just give it an hour, if you can’t handle it, you can leave. Please,” she asked, her brown eyes begging.

“Not the look,” Kurt whined. “Fine. I’ll go and stay one hour. I’ll be tracking the time,” he said, his eyebrow in the air.

Mercedes laughed and hugged him. “Great. Go get changed and we’ll head out.”

Still mumbling, Kurt went and slid into his favorite pair of black skinny jeans and black boots. Choosing a random shirt, he pulled it on. It was grey with three quarter sleeves and little ties coming from the neckline like an untied bowtie. He refused to let himself think of bowties, and went to refresh his hair.

 

. . .

 

Blaine stood in front of his closet, irritated. Had he really worn so many sweater vests and bowties? What had he been thinking? He finally chose a pair of faded, ripped up jeans, and a tight black v-neck t-shirt that clung to him like a second skin. This would impress a girl, wouldn’t it? If everything went his way, he’d get lucky tonight. When he thought of having sex, his memory was dim, so he didn’t know how many times he’d had sex with, or who for that matter. He’d stopped by a drug store and bought a box of condoms and slipped two into his wallet. Just in case. Looking in the mirror, he brushed his fingers through his loose, curly hair. According to everyone, he liked a gel helmet, but he hadn’t since he’d gotten out of the hospital. He figured girls probably wouldn’t like it either, so he went with the natural look for tonight.

“Let’s go, Anderson. Parties wait for no man,” David called, knocking on his door.

With one last look in the mirror, Blaine nodded to himself and walked out.

 

. . .

 

The party at the Alpha house was in full swing when Kurt and Mercedes got there. Immediately they were spotted by other Velocity members and pulled into the fold. Drinks were shoved in their hands and they were told to catch up. Kurt didn’t usually drink but thought _fuck it_ , and downed the drink then coughed when the alcohol hit his throat and burned its way down to his stomach. Puck laughed at him, but handed him another drink, which he threw back with one swallow. This time Kurt didn’t cough and managed a genuine smile when someone handed him his third drink.

“Who wants to dance?” Brittany asked, hopping up and down.

Several of them, including Kurt raised their hands and they headed out to the dance floor.

 

. . .

 

“Hi, I’m Blaine,” he said, shaking the blonde’s hand.

“I’m Renee,” the girl giggled. “What year are you, Blaine?”

“I’m a junior, how about you?” He wasn’t sure he found this girl attractive or not. She had fake blond hair that was long in the front and spiked up in the back. She had a large chest that was shown to perfection in a plunging halter top. Her low rise jeans were so low that he imagined she didn’t have to pull them down to use the bathroom.

She giggled again, taking a sip of her drink. “I’m a freshman. This is my very first college party. I really like your hair, can I touch it?”

“Um, sure,” Blaine said and leaned toward her, immediately overcome by her strong perfume.

She moaned as she threaded her fingers through his curls. “Mm, Blaine, you have sexy hair. And you smell so good. Do you want to dance?”

“Sure, let’s go,” he said, draining his drink quickly and taking her hand. There were no sparks flying yet, but she was the most attentive of the girls he’d met so far. And though her constant giggling put his teeth on edge, he was sure it was just because of the alcohol. They danced and when the next song started, Renee claimed the song was her favorite, so he danced again. When she turned and grinded her ass against him, he waited for his body to respond, but there was nothing. Had he had too much to drink already? As Renee twirled around him, Blaine looked around at the other people dancing. Yeah, everyone seemed to enjoy the grinding and writhing against each other. He tried to imitate some of the moves he saw, grabbing Renee’s hips and pushing his pelvis against her, but none of it brought his cock to life. This was not how he’d seen things going. The song ended and he was thankful. A new song began playing and Blaine was glad for a more up tempo song that wouldn’t require bodies being mashed together. Hearing high pitched laughter and shouts, he looked over.

The crowd around them were slowly backing away creating an opening in the middle of the dance floor. He saw Brittany and Tina from Velocity doing a synchronized dance. Who was that between them? He and Renee walked to the edge of the circle and Blaine’s mouth dropped open. Kurt was standing between the girls and shaking his hips just as well as the girls were. As they danced the motions of “Single Ladies”, Blaine couldn’t take his eyes from Kurt’s shimmying form.

Renee took the opportunity of standing still to wrap her arms around Blaine’s side, stroking his stomach and chest as they watched the dancers.

Blaine’s mouth went dry when the three began rotating their hips quicker and quicker to the beat, thrusting their pelvises in and out. As Renee’s hands kept exploring, Blaine finally found his body responding. Pleased, he wrapped his arm around Renee and rubbed his hand up and down her back. As the dance in front of him continued, he found himself getting more and more turned on by Renee and her magic hands. Kurt was throwing his head back as he jutted his hips out, the girls mirroring his movements. Blaine was now hard in his jeans and it was getting uncomfortable. The girls were hot, he thought, no wonder he was getting excited. Renee’s hand ghosted over the bulge in his jeans and he jumped at the contact.

“Come on, baby, let’s find a room,” Renee suggested, her breath hot against his face.

“Yeah, okay,” he agreed, feeling dazed. He watched the dancers until they were out of sight, letting Renee drag him along. She pulled him into an empty room and pushed him onto the bed. Stripping her shirt and jeans off, he stared at her naked form. She had large breasts tipped with hard pink nipples. Her hips flowed out gently and she had a single line of pubic hair, a landing strip he’d heard it called. Seeing her nude didn’t affect him, but he welcomed her weight on top of him. Renee slanted her mouth over his and kissed him passionately, moaning slightly. Blaine thought the sensations foreign and couldn’t understand why everything felt so weird. Sitting up and grinding down on his crotch, he watched her breasts sway before she reached up and began tweaking her nipples.

“Does that get you hot, baby?” she asked, obviously enjoying her own ministrations.

“Mm hmm,” he agreed, lying. He had no idea what was going on, but this was not turning him on at all.

She reached for his zipper and pulled his pants and boxer briefs down until his half hard erection was bared. Taking him in hand, she began stroking him expertly. Blaine closed his eyes and concentrated, trying to will his body into cooperating. His mind returned to the dance floor and watching the three dancers spinning and touching themselves, rotating and grinding their hips through the song. Centering on the hips in his mind, he felt his body become hard.

“Oh, yeah, baby, get hard for me,” Renee murmured, kissing him.

“Shh,” he told her, needing to keep the picture in his mind.

The next thing he knew she had a condom ripped open and sliding down his hard length. Positioning herself over him, she slid down easily onto his cock. Blaine’s eyes snapped open wide. This was not how he thought it would feel. Nothing about it was familiar. Quickly closing his eyes so he didn’t lose his erection, he kept thinking of the dancers, those hips, those asses undulating to the beat.

Renee began moving over him, up and down, faster and faster. Gasps and moans were coming out of her so loudly, he was sure the entire party could hear her. Keeping the picture of rotating hips, he began to feel a tightness coil low in his stomach. Thank god, he thought. He was actually going to get an orgasm out of this experience. Renee cried out above him and he could feel her orgasm from inside her, the pulsing muscles feeling strange around him. But the added tightness increased his own need and he pushed into her hard for several minutes before coming inside her with a grunt of exertion.

“Oh baby, that was so good,” Renee gasped, laying on his chest.

Good? That had been hard work, Blaine thought. And not at all worth it, the orgasm was more from physiology than romance or desire.

“Yeah, you were great,” he mumbled. “I, uh, gotta go. Some people are expecting me.”

“Okay,” Renee said cheerfully. “Thanks for a good time.”

So she wasn’t going to pressure him into being her boyfriend now that they’d had sex, that was good. He tied off the condom and tossed it into a trash bin nearby before pulling up his pants. Making sure his clothes were in order, he walked out, not bothering to say goodbye to Renee. She didn’t seem to care, still lounging on the bed. Crap, he didn’t even know whose bed they’d been in. Poor guy was going to have a shock when he took his trash out.

He came out of the room and ran right into Kurt. Both of them froze, staring at each other.

Kurt took in Blaine’s appearance. The sweaty, tousled hair, kiss swollen lips, the small bruise on his neck, the scent of women’s perfume all over him. His heart sank, realizing what Blaine had just been doing. Suddenly, he knew he was going to be sick.

“Excuse me,” Kurt mumbled and ran past Blaine to the bathroom down the hall.

Blaine wondered what that was all about, but went back to the party, more than ready for a drink. Make that two, nah, better make it three. He hated the feeling of emptiness that was growing inside him and desperately wanted to drink it away.

 

. . .

 

**“Single Ladies” by Beyonce.**

**Up next: Coffee, time passing, things start looking up… Reviews please??**


	8. Coffee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ok folks, the angst is easing up and time is going to start passing here. I’ll make it pretty clear. There are some Harry Potter references and I own nothing having to do with it. Or Glee, for that matter. And now, the aftermath of the party…

 

Blaine awoke with a gasp. His body felt like it was on fire and his cock was hard and throbbing with need. It was the dream. There had been a body grinding against him like the dancers at the party. It wasn’t Renee though, this person didn’t have flared out hips like she had. No this person had slim hips and a small but firm ass that ground against him, undulating back and forth. He’d grabbed the person and held them against his chest, rubbing his hands across a flat but soft belly. The person’s shirt had ridden up and he’d palmed their hips under the denim jeans they were wearing. Small moans of pleasure escaped them both and as the person’s head fell back against his shoulder, he smelled the most incredible fragrance. That scent alone, sent Blaine over the edge into wakefulness, desperate for the dream person. He reached his hand in his boxers and began stroking his cock, already wet with pre-cum. Over and over he pulled, twisted and caressed himself, picturing that phantom person from his dream, the smooth skin, that intoxicating scent. He came with a muffled grunt, the spasms of his orgasm continuing for almost a full minute. He doubted he’d ever come that hard before.

Later as he showered, he became more and more uncomfortable, thinking about the dream. There had been something lacking in the person dancing against him. There had been no breasts, only a firm, wide flat chest.

 

. . .

 

Kurt woke up and laid there, wanting to drown in his misery. Blaine had had sex with someone else. A girl, at that. He supposed he should be glad it was a girl and not a guy, but it didn’t matter. Some other person had seen him, touched him, brought him satisfaction. Something that had always and only been Kurt’s job, his pleasure. It killed something inside of him to know this. He wished he could scrub his own memory, but knew it was impossible. As it was, he had gotten truly sick to his stomach last night after he ran from Blaine. He’d wretched until his body was empty. Since Mercedes was still having a good time, he’d just texted her and walked home. He couldn’t have Blaine, so what could he do? He could shut Blaine out of his mind. Shut him out, lock the door and throw away the key. He couldn’t let last night happen again. He wouldn’t put himself in that situation, no matter what it took.

 

. . .

 

Two weeks later, Kurt was sitting in the café on campus, enjoying a hot mocha while reading over his textiles text book. It was officially fall in Ohio and he was pleased to finally be able to break out his collection of scarves. He’d chosen a lovely beige one today that looked amazing with his black pea coat, which was hanging over the back of his chair at the moment. The door of the café opened and he didn’t bother to look up, though he shivered at the cool air that came in. Someone walked next to him and froze. Seeing the person out his peripheral vision, Kurt looked up. His heart sank as he saw Blaine’s golden gaze burning into his. His expression was a mixture of shock, wonder, and confusion.

“Hey,” Blaine said.

“Hi,” Kurt answered quietly.

Blaine continued to look at him for a moment, a searching expression on his face. Finally he walked toward the counter to put in his order. Kurt knew it was time to pack up and leave. This was how he did things now. He always made sure to leave a place when he saw Blaine, never stayed after practice at Velocity, never got there early. He put his book back in his bag, neatly arranging it so he could easily pull his next book out at his class. Then he stood and began to put his coat on.

“Can I, um, join you, Kurt?” Blaine asked, suddenly standing next to him.

“What?” Kurt asked, confused.

“I was hoping we could talk for a few minutes,” Blaine said, his gaze steady.

“I, uh, guess so,” Kurt said, almost like a question.

“Great, I’ll be right back, just have to grab my coffee,” he said with a smile and dropped his bag in the chair next to Kurt.

Perplexed beyond explanation, Kurt took his coat back off, folded it over his chair and resumed his seat. He kept his coffee in his hands to try and cover up the fact that they were shaking. Blaine came back and sat down across from him, sipping at his coffee, then humming with satisfaction.

“How have you been?” Blaine asked him casually.

Kurt didn’t know what the heck was going on. They were suddenly talking?  Over the past couple weeks, Blaine wouldn’t even look at him, at least the few times Kurt had allowed himself to look at him. Those were times when he was strictly checking to see if Blaine was healthy. He’d healed amazingly fast from the accident and for that, Kurt was grateful.

“Pretty good,” Kurt lied. “You?” He’d just had a talk with Mercedes and Rachel the day before about the amount of weight he’d lost and his insomnia. But there was nothing he could do about it. He tried to eat and sleep, but was never quite successful at either. For them, though, he’d promised to try.

“I’m okay. Lots of studying and homework. But I’m adjusting to the classes rather well. So, uh, this is rather awkward, but we were… best friends before the accident?” Blaine looked like he wanted to say something else, but took a drink of coffee instead.

“Yes, since our sophomore year in high school,” Kurt said, intrigued by the conversation.

“So we probably hung out a lot?” Another sip of coffee.

“Every day,” Kurt said simply.

“Huh,” was all he said.

“Was there something I could help with?” Kurt asked, needing to get to the root of the talk. There was no way he would be able to maintain a polite conversation for long without breaking down into tears. Seeing his beloved’s face, his hands, hearing his voice, it was all too much. Even if part of him needed this, craved this. Overall, it wasn’t good for him. Not if he was hoping to make it through the rest of the day in one piece.

“I was, uh, going through a box of my stuff and noticed there were a lot of pictures and letters from you in there. It seemed like we had a lot in common,” he said, and his face suddenly looked sad. “More in common than I have with Wes and David.”

Kurt fought the desire to reach out and comfort him. “We did share a lot of common interests,” was all he could say. How do you not tell someone that they loved each other and that was why they involved themselves in each others’ favorite activities.

“Do you not want to talk to me?” Blaine asked with a tilt of his head. It was a movement that Kurt had always found adorable and irresistible.

“The truth?”

“Of course,” Blaine said.

“I don’t want you thinking I’m stalking you or harassing you,” Kurt said simply. The honesty was necessary, he wouldn’t hide the hurt and betrayal he’d felt when Blaine had chosen to believe his parents.

Blaine flushed, his cheeks and neck turning bright red. “Shit. I am so sorry about that, Kurt. I know that my folks blew everything out of proportion. I’m sorry for my part in it. For shoving you and not talking to you. It’s all just been so confusing. Do you think we could start over? Try being friends?” Blaine’s eyes were hopeful.

Kurt stared at him for a long moment. Did he dare believe him? Did he open himself up to being hurt, probably more deeply than he already was? He couldn’t be sure. But the plain truth was, he’d never been able to resist Blaine. And he wouldn’t start now.

“Sure. If that is something you’d like, than absolutely,” he said with a small smile.

“I would like that very much,” Blaine said, grinning in return. “So I loved that song you did with Mercedes last week. Do you think you two will team up again?”

And just like that, a new chapter began. They talked for an hour, Kurt willingly missing a class for this chance to reconnect with Blaine. Once they got past the initial awkwardness, they flowed easily from topic to topic. Classes, Velocity, the performance they’d just completed for the freshman, the funny smells coming from one of their neighbors at the apartments. They laughed together and Kurt hadn’t felt so whole in almost a month. When he finally had to leave, it was with regret.

“So, do you want to hang out again,” Blaine asked, his eyes hopeful.

“I’d like that,” Kurt said. “Text me sometime.”

“I’ll do that,” Blaine smiled.

Kurt gathered his things and headed to the door. Blaine watched him leave and turned back to the table, letting the smile drop off his face. _Holy shit_ , he thought. He was in trouble. The dreams of his sexy dance partner had been coming around most every night. He’d jerked off more times than he’d cared to admit thanks to that intoxicating dream. He’d tried to hook up with a couple different girls at parties, but he’d never even been able to achieve a hard-on. But the dream person always got him off. Most clearly, he remembered the feel and scent of the person. He’d never smelled it before. Until today. As he’d come into the café and walked by Kurt, he was assailed by that delicious, mouthwatering aroma, something pure and hauntingly beautiful. When he’d paused next to him and inhaled deeply, he had to admit it to himself. The smell was Kurt. The dream. The dream was Kurt, too. What the hell did he do now?

 

. . .

 

That afternoon after Velocity practice, Kurt asked Mr. Schue if he could stay afterward and practice a number alone. He got the okay and hung around until everyone left. Blaine had been friendly and said hi before practice and when he left he’d given Kurt an odd look. Kurt had no idea what to think of any of it, but the feelings it evoked made scared him and he knew he had to sing it out. Once the room was empty, he went to the sound station and slid a CD into the player. He needed the music to back him up. He would never pull this off like Barbra, but this was more about getting out his emotions than a good performance.

Blaine came back to the auditorium, curious as to why Kurt stayed. He usually left before anyone else. When he heard the music coming from the speakers, he stepped into the shadows and watched Kurt go up on stage. The man’s voice never failed to floor him and this time would be no different.

 

_Oh my man I love him so_

_He'll never know_

_All my life is just despair_

_But I don't care_

_When he takes me in his arms_

_The world is bright, alright_

Blaine already Kurt was an outstanding singer but he was at acting as well. He looked just like Barbra in “Funny Girl”, even down to the single tear trickling down his face. He knew he should be uncomfortable; there was no question who and what he was singing about. For some reason, though, it didn’t bother him at all. It just filled him with incredible sadness that the other man sang with such obvious heartbreak.

_What's the difference if I say_

_I'll go away_

_When I know I'll come back_

_On my knees someday_

_Oh whatever my man is_

_I am his forever more_

As Kurt sang he threw arms in the air, emphasizing the words. Blaine was transfixed, watching every minute movement.

_Oh my man I love him so_

_He'll never know_

_All my life is just despair_

_But I don't care_

_When he takes me in his arms_

_The world is bright, alright_

_What's the difference if I say_

_I'll go away_

_When I know I'll come back_

_On my knees someday_

_For whatever my man is_

_I am his forever more_

As Kurt held out the final note for what seemed an eternity, Blaine’s body became covered in goose bumps. He reached up to wipe his eyes, realizing he was crying. In his life, he’d never heard a more soul-shattering performance. This man was broken inside and it was all his fault. Giving Kurt his privacy, he walked out of the auditorium quietly. What was going on with him? He wasn’t gay, he still knew that beyond a shadow of a doubt. But there was this compassion, this feeling, for Kurt building up in him. That wasn’t forbidden, was it? He just wouldn’t tell his parents.

 

. . .

 

Kurt had some friends over at his apartment a week later. Puck, Lauren, Santana, Brittany, Rachel, Finn, and Mercedes. They had all decided he needed some down time and since Kurt got the hint, he invited them all over. It kept him from having to go somewhere else.

After watching through three of the Harry Potter movies, people began leaving until it was just him and Puck remaining. Kurt started the fourth movie and made Puck yet another bag of popcorn. They sat companionably, commenting on the movie and how it could have been better. Puck insisted if they had at least one busty girl, it wouldn’t have hurt anything.

“I don’t think magical teens think about sex as much as muggles do, Puck,” Kurt teased.

“What kind of boring ass life is that? Hell, as much time as they spend together, you’d think Harry and Ron would start getting it on,” Puck said.

“I’m not sure Ron swings that way,” Kurt said with a smile.

“Oh, but we both know Harry does, don’t we?” Puck laughed, giving Kurt a high five.

“One never knows,” Kurt agreed.

As the movie wore on, the two began sinking lower and lower on the couch. Almost eight hours of movie watching was dragging them both down. Kurt was about to ask if he was tired when Puck reached over and took his hand. Kurt looked at him questioningly, but Puck just kept watching the movie, so he didn’t think anything of it and turned back to the movie. A few minutes later, Kurt noticed Puck was sitting closer to him, their shoulders touching. Again, he didn’t wonder about it, knowing they were both lagging. But when Puck slid his arm around Kurt’s shoulders and pulled him closer, Kurt knew it was time to say something.

“Puck, what are you doing?”

Puck looked at him with a sweet smile. “I know it’s been a lonely month for you and I figured you wouldn’t mind some cuddling.”

Touched, Kurt smiled. “Thanks, Puck, really. But you don’t have to.”

“Yeah, I do. I think you’re hot and that alone is reason enough,” Puck said with a bawdy wink.

“Uh huh and since when does the original playboy decide that guys could be hot?” Kurt teased.

“Since I admitted to myself that I’m bi,” Puck said bluntly.

Kurt’s eyes went wide and he sat up. “I didn’t see that one coming. But I’m happy for you, Puck. Knowing who you are is so important. And thank you for telling me, I’m honored.”

“I figured if anyone could understand, it’d be you,” Puck said, grabbing Kurt’s hand again before turning back to the movie.

Kurt let him keep his hand and smiled as they watched the rest of the film. He would have loved having another male hold his hand when he’d first come out, just something to make him feel normal and accepted. He didn’t mind doing that for Puck. He had proven to be a true friend over the years.

When the credits finally rolled, they both stood and stretched. As Kurt closed his eyes and bent backward to pop his spine, he felt arms surround him. He opened his eyes in shock just in time to see Puck’s mouth coming toward his own. Too surprised to move, he felt Puck’s firm mouth touch his own, hesitant and very sweet. It had been so long since Kurt had been kissed, it felt foreign, especially because it was the wrong person. But it was still pleasant and Kurt didn’t pull away. Puck grew more confident and deepened the kiss, pulling Kurt’s body closer to his. Kurt put his hands on Puck’s large biceps and let himself enjoy the touch of lips against his. After a moment of soft touches, Puck gently drew his tongue along Kurt’s lower lip. Kurt was startled and opened his mouth to protest. Puck took it as a sign of approval and plunged his hot tongue into Kurt’s mouth, moaning at the sensation. Kurt was again surprised that it felt so nice. Puck definitely had a talented tongue he noted, as Puck swept the roof of his mouth, his teeth, his tongue with his own. Kurt tentatively responded, touching his tongue to Puck’s and felt a dim spark in his body. At that small response, he broke away from Puck, stepping backward.

Puck’s eyes were blown with lust. “Damn, Hummel, you know how to kiss.”

“Right back at you,” Kurt muttered, trying to catch his breath.

“I didn’t think you’d even let me kiss you, but I figured I’d try. If you ever get too lonely, you have my number,” he said and gave Kurt a light hug before leaving.

Kurt was grateful he’d left without any kind of awkward emotional thing. But Puck had never been one to become emotionally attached to many people. He was a better friend than boyfriend, as his many exes could testify. Still, it had been a sweet kiss and it was nice to be reminded that he could be attractive to someone.

He cleaned up from the evening and was heading in for a hot shower before bed when his phone buzzed. It was a text and his eyes widened when he saw it was Blaine.

B: I had fun at coffee. Repeat tomorrow? Three?

Kurt tried to calm his racing heart. It was just coffee, it didn’t mean anything. He kept his response casual, though he really wanted to send a screaming yes GIF to him.

K: Me too. Sure, see you then.

B: Excellent. C U then.

It really had turned out to be a good night. Kurt smiled as he laid in bed, preparing to lay there for hours. To his surprise, he fell asleep quickly and didn’t wake up until the sun rose.

When he woke up, he remembered the text. Checking his phone to make sure he hadn’t dreamed it, he bounded out of bed. It was the first time in over a month that he was excited to face the day.

 . . . . . . .

**Song: “My Man” by Barbra Streisand**

**Next up: Another party, but a whole different ending…**


	9. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the chapter. There is a smut warning. Love to all my readers, each one of you are appreciated fully. One song in this chapter only has partial lyrics… didn’t feel the need for the whole song to be written in. Enjoy!!

“Blaine, you had a number you wanted to run through?” Mr. Schue asked.

“Yeah, if that’s okay,” Blaine said, standing up, holding sheet music.

“The stage is yours,” he replied, giving Blaine a wide smile.

Blaine walked up to the band and handed out the music. Walking to the mike, he looked a little nervous. Kurt thought he looked wonderful. He still wasn’t wearing bowties, which disappointed him, but his dark green button down over distressed jeans was a stunning combination for his eyes.

“Hi everyone. So, this song I picked has some odd lyrics. But when I researched the song and why the band wrote it, it was during a time when the band wasn’t being signed and they didn’t really know what to do. They felt oppressed, held in, and this song, for them, was like a cry for help. For them and for me, it’s about breaking free from the things holding them back. I hope you like it,” Blaine finished and nodded toward the band. Kurt cocked his head, wondering at Blaine’s words, but it was hard to decipher.

 

_Life's too short to even care at all, oh_

_I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control oh oh_

_These fishes in the sea they're staring at me oh oh_

_A wet world aches for a beat of a drum, oh_

_If I could find a way to see this straight_

_I'd run away_

_To some fortune that I should have found by now_

_I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down, come down_

_Life's too short to even care at all oh_

_I'm coming up now coming up now out of the blue oh oh_

_These zombies in the park they're looking for my heart oh oh oh_

_A dark world aches for a splash of the sun whoa oh oh_

_If I could find a way to see this straight_

_I'd run away_

_To some fortune that I should have found by now_

_And so I run now to the things they said could restore me_

_Restore life the way it should be_

_I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down_

_Life's too short to even care at all oh_

_I'm losing my mind losing my mind losing control oh oh_

_If I could find a way to see this straight_

_I'd run away_

_To some fortune that I should have found by now_

_So I run now to the things they said could restore me_

_Restore life the way it should be_

_I'm waiting for this cough syrup to come down_

_One more spoon of cough syrup now_

_One more spoon of cough syrup now_

Everyone stood and applauded as Blaine finished the song. He’d put his all into the song, Kurt could tell. He looked drained, but satisfied. Kurt still had no idea what he’d meant by singing the song. The lyrics really were weird, but it was a beautiful song. He hoped it had brought some sort of relief to Blaine. Walking off the stage, Blaine returned to his seat and practice resumed.

They were getting ready for a benefit night in two weeks to raise money for Velocity. They would have solos, duets, and group numbers. Everyone was allowed to pick their own solo, but Mr. Schue would be assigning some specific duets. The group was buzzing with excitement as each of them would have a chance to shine. If they earned enough money, they could afford the trip to New York to participate in a national choir exposition, which they’d never been able to do before.

After practice, Blaine and Kurt walked to the café for a cup of coffee. They’d been doing this a few times per week for about almost three weeks now. It was awkward at first, but each time they met it became easier and more comfortable between them. Blaine asked a ton of questions about the past, the parts that Kurt had been involved in. Blaine also showed an interest in Kurt himself, asking him about his childhood and school years. Kurt did so, pleased that Blaine had asked. But Kurt was always very careful to never mention anything about being gay or anything to do with the topic of relationships. This friendship was a fragile and like an egg, it could crack at any moment. There were moments when Blaine showed hints of homophobia, but it also looked like he was making an effort to stop. It helped when they had coffee with all the people from Velocity. They were a hugely diverse group and seeing all of them interacting with love, approval, and acceptance seemed to encourage Blaine to do the same.

“So are you going to the Omega party tonight?” Kurt asked, keeping his eyes down so Blaine couldn’t see his reaction to the answer.

“Yeah, I figured I’d go. Sounds like fun,” Blaine responded.

Kurt did a fist pump in his mind and smiled. “Yeah, me too. I figured I’d at least drop in since it seems like most everyone is going,” he said. If Blaine hadn’t decided to go, he wouldn’t have either, but nobody needed to know that, did they?

In the end, all of the Velocity members decided to go. When they all met up to walk from Mem-Aud to the fraternity house, Kurt was shocked to see Blaine had a girl with him. She was as tall as Blaine with lovely brown curly hair and brown eyes. Blaine introduced her as Miranda and she shook hands with everyone. She was very sweet; Kurt hated her on sight, though he didn’t really because she seemed genuinely nice. Blaine deserved the best, he kept telling himself. This wouldn’t break his heart again, he lied to himself as they made their way to the party.

 

. . .

 

Blaine and Miranda took a break from dancing and sat on the sideline, enjoying a couple of shots while they watched the dancers.

“I love Velocity. I’ve seen you guys perform several times, you’re a very talented group,” Miranda noted, her brown eyes sparkling.

“Thank you on behalf of everyone,” Blaine said with a laugh. “There are some extraordinary voices in there. See that thin guy over there in the skinny jeans?” He said, pointing toward Kurt.

“Yeah, the guy who loves to shimmy, I met him earlier” Miranda noted, smiling.

Blaine grinned. “Yeah, the shimmy guy. Anyway, Kurt is what’s called a counter tenor. An amazing voice. He can sing higher than a lot of girls. It’s always an experience to hear him sing, so pure it’s staggering,” he said, not sure why he’d just shared all that.

“You sound like a big fan,” Miranda said, downing a shot.

“Well, yeah, when you’re surrounded by a large group of hugely talented people, you kinda can’t help becoming a fan,” Blaine said.

They enjoyed a comfortable silence for a while, watching the dancers in front of them. The song changed and “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails started playing. Blaine had always loved the intense, sexual song. But he didn’t want to dance to it. He’d tried and tried to dance properly with his dates, but it never felt right.

“Ooh, I love this song, wanna dance?” Miranda asked, standing.

“I’m gonna sit this one out. You go for it,” he said, waving her ahead.

“Suit yourself,” she smiled and went to join the writhing on the floor.

As Blaine sat there, he thought this song could easily turn the party into a sex riot. People were dancing so close they were practically crawling into each other. He saw one girl who had one man in front of her and one behind and all three were grinding and pumping against one another. Another couple had the woman bending over until her hands were flat on the floor, she was undulating her hips while her partner grinded into her ass. Then his eyes were drawn to Kurt. He was dancing with Santana and Brittany. All of them were doing this move that was almost a belly dance, hips moving sinuously to the beat. The way Kurt’s hips were moving so fluidly, almost independent of his body, hypnotized him, and as much as it shamed him to admit, he was getting turned on. Kurt suddenly dipped down to the floor backward onto one hand then stood back up, his body rolling in a sensual wave that sent shockwaves of need through Blaine’s body.

As the song ended, people began chanting ‘Again, again, again’, until the DJ got the point and started the song and the sex riot over again. Immediately, people were on each other. Blaine could have sworn that the temperature rose twenty degrees just during the first verse. His eyes returned once again to Kurt who had been joined by Lauren, Tina, and Mike and they were doing some of the same moves, undulating, bending, writhing to the beat. Blaine’s heart began to pound and he felt like he was going to explode. He was at a loss of what to do.

 

_You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you_

_You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you_

_Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell_

_Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself_

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_I want to feel you from the inside_

Blaine was going crazy. His eyes would not leave that small ass of Kurt’s, it was all he could concentrate on. But he’s not gay, he tells himself. It’s gotta be the booze. Yeah, the booze. And it doesn’t matter what you do when you’re drunk right?

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_My whole existence is flawed_

_You get me closer to god_

_You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings_

_You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything_

Blaine walked up to Puck who was standing nearby. “Hey man, can you distract Miranda for a while? I have something I need to do,” he asked, desperate and not wanting to think too much about what he was going to do.

“Sure thing. I got the moves that will keep her plenty busy,” Puck said cheerfully and began dancing his way to Miranda.

_Help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell_

_Help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else_

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

 

Kurt was doing body rolls when Blaine walked up to him. Blaine tapped his shoulder, not wanting any more contact than that. He was afraid of what he’d do if he did more than a tap.

“Hey Kurt, can you come with me for a minute?”

Kurt turned, startled. “Um, sure.”

Blaine turned without another word and headed toward the back of the house. He knew where a bedroom was, he’d seen it when he’d gone to the bathroom earlier. As they walked, the lyrics of the song flowed through his overheated body.

 

_I want to feel you from the inside_

_I want to fuck you like an animal_

_My whole existence is flawed_

_You get me closer to god_

Walking into the room, he stepped aside to let Kurt in before shutting the door.

“Blaine, what’s going,” Kurt began, but never got to finish.

Blaine grabbed him roughly by the shoulders and pushed him against the wall. He slammed his mouth against Kurt’s and moaned loudly at the contact with those soft full lips. Kurt gasped in shock, but quickly melted under his hands. Blaine shoved his tongue in Kurt’s mouth and explored the delicious corners until Kurt’s tongue began to stroke his own. They lapped at each other for several minutes before Blaine broke the contact. Kurt huffed then sighed as Blaine began nibbling along Kurt’s beautiful jaw line then down his long neck and onto his collar bone. Blaine sucked on the soft skin there, leaving a mark before soothing it with his lips. He tried to keep his mind empty, tried not to think about what he was actually doing.

Kurt was in a state of aroused shock. He’d seen Blaine watching them dance and was guilty of doing a bit more dirty dancing than he normally did. There was no way he thought it would do anything for Blaine, yet here he was, sucking hickey’s into Kurt’s collar bone, his hands roaming down his hips to reach around and grab his ass. Shoving Kurt’s hips against his own, he could feel Blaine’s blatant arousal. His cock was hard as a rock and Kurt knew his was too. He had no idea what had brought this on, but he was not going to fight it. This was something he’d wanted for way too long.

Blaine grabbed the bottom of Kurt’s shirt and yanked it over his head before stripping his own off. As their bare chests met, they both moaned loudly. Kurt couldn’t believe how much he’d missed the contact from Blaine’s body. Blaine couldn’t believe how extraordinarily beautiful and soft Kurt was. Yet under the softness was lean muscle that made him lithe and sexy. They kissed heatedly for several minutes, hands exploring each other. Their hips kept making contact, each time making them gasp as their erections bumped and grinded into each other. Blaine turned their bodies toward the bed and let go of Kurt.

“Strip,” he said, his golden eyes blown with lust in the dim light from the lamp. He began taking off his shoes, pants and boxer briefs.

Kurt obeyed, desperate to be taken by this man. It was so strange, Blaine was everything familiar and yet a stranger at the same time. But he was still all that Kurt wanted and would ever want. If he had this chance to be with him, there was no way he was going to turn him down.

When he was naked, he stood there, staring at the body he’d missed so desperately. Blaine’s cock jutted out from his body, already glistening with need.

Blaine was also staring. He’d had no idea how beautiful Kurt truly was. He loved the smooth line of muscle between his belly and hip, the V shape that led down to his cock which was hard and moving with Kurt’s heavy breathing. Swallowing his fear, he walked to Kurt and wrapped his arms around him, just enjoying the sensation of their naked bodies touching. He heard Kurt sigh and knew he was feeling the same thing. After a moment, he pushed gently until Kurt sat down on the bed and just looked up at him. Kurt was waiting for him to give directions, not assuming anything. Blaine was grateful for that, his mind was hazy, but he knew that if he wanted to stop then Kurt would simply stop with no questions.

“Lay down on the bed,” Blaine told him and watched as he obeyed, crab-walking backward on the bed until he was laying there, his legs parted. The sight of his balls and hard cock made Blaine growl with need. He crawled up Kurt’s body, touching ankles, knees, thighs and finally his throbbing cock. Kurt tilted his hips up, crying out with the sensation of Blaine’s hand wrapped around him.

“I’m going to fuck you,” Blaine stated, giving him a chance to back out.

Kurt looked at him, eyes wide and dilated with desire. “Yes.”

Blaine had no idea what he was doing, he’d never fucked a guy before. But he shoved two of his fingers into Kurt’s mouth and enjoyed the feeling of Kurt sucking and tonguing his fingers. When they were wet, he pulled them out and slowly pushed one into Kurt’s tight hole. Kurt grunted and thrashed his head around.

“More,” Kurt said quietly.

Blaine inserted a second finger and began moving them in and out, gently scissoring Kurt to open him up. He could not believe how hot this was, just watching his fingers moving in and out of Kurt’s ass.

“Now you,” Kurt said and when Blaine took his fingers out, Kurt sat up and quickly took Blaine’s cock in his mouth. Blaine cried out and bucked against him, grabbing his hair. Kurt took all of Blaine’s length into him, opening his throat so Blaine could fuck his mouth. Blaine began pumping his hips, feeling like he might die if Kurt kept up whatever he was doing with that magical tongue of his.

“I’m ready,” Kurt whispered, removing his mouth from Blaine’s wet cock.

Blaine couldn’t resist kissing that swollen, shiny, wet mouth, tasting a bit of himself on Kurt’s tongue. Pushing Kurt back down on the bed, he lined himself up and slowly eased into Kurt’s tightness. They were both moaning and panting until Blaine was completely sheathed in Kurt’s heat. He rested there a moment, adjusting to the grip of Kurt around his cock. When Kurt rolled his hips, Blaine moved with him, keeping his pace slow. Kurt began mewling, trying to push harder against him. Blaine understood. Pulling almost all the way out, he slammed back into Kurt, shouting with the pleasure of it.

Kurt was panting and moaning, “Yes, yes, please yes.”

Blaine took that as a cue that he was okay and kept pumping into him, fucking him with all the pent up desire and lust he’d been building up. This was the most erotic thing he’d ever experienced and it scared the shit out of him.

The electric pulses coiled in his stomach and he knew he was going to come soon. Reaching down from instinct, he grabbed Kurt’s cock and began pumping in time with his own thrusts. Kurt was thrashing his head from side to side, looking ready to come as well. Just as he thought that, Kurt exploded in his hand, white jets of fluid flying out between them, coloring Kurt’s chest and stomach. The sight made Blaine growl and grunt as he came, the orgasm seeming to rip up from his toes through his back and stomach and out his cock. It seemed to go on forever, the pulsing and throbbing of the orgasm. He had no idea how long he stayed there, frozen as his cock continued to pulsate. When it was finally over, he pulled out of Kurt slowly and dropped onto the bed beside him.

They lay there, breathing heavily for several minutes. Blaine lay with his arm over his face. Kurt was silent beside him. Not knowing how to act, Kurt spied a box of tissues on the side table and grabbed some to clean himself up. He needed a shower, especially because Blaine hadn’t used a condom, but this was better than nothing. Handing a handful of tissues to Blaine, he silently began getting dressed. Blaine followed suit, still not saying anything, still not sure what the hell had come over him. All he knew was that was the best damn orgasm he’d ever had – at least he thought it was, he couldn’t remember anything other than that night with Renee – and he had no idea where to go from here.

Kurt finished getting dressed and when Blaine was done, he walked to him. He knew he shouldn’t do it, but that had been such a wonderful experience, he had to.

“Blaine, that was amazing,” he said quietly, keeping his eyes down.

“Yeah,” was all Blaine could mutter.

“I still love you. I want you to know that,” Kurt said, finally peeking at Blaine. “If you want to be with me, I am here.”

“Be with you? Why would I want to do that?” Blaine snapped, thrown off by Kurt’s words. He’d just wanted to fuck, to get the dreams to stop. There was no desire for a relationship. Kurt shouldn’t still love him, he should’ve been over it by now. “I’m not gay, Kurt. I’m fucking drunk and you look so girly, I had to see what the big deal was.” He knew he was being an asshole. The devastation on Kurt’s face ripped at his heart. But he couldn’t be gay. He couldn’t. It was wrong, unnatural, against the natural order of things. He’d liked the sex simply because of the damn dreams. He turned and walked to the door.

Kurt caught up and grabbed his arm, turning him around roughly. “You can’t just use me like a whore Blaine, so if that’s all this was to you, you can be sure it will not happen again.”

“Hell no it won’t happen again. And you’d better keep your mouth shut about this. I don’t need people saying I’m a gay boy,” he said, glaring at Kurt.

“I’ll tell anyone I want,” Kurt said, his chin in the air. “You can’t do this with me and then treat me like shit. So either straighten up or get the hell away from me. And by the way, Blaine, the sex we just had was _gay sex_. There is no other way to see it. You can’t,” he continued.

At that moment, Blaine’s fear and confusion peaked. He couldn’t seem to control his arm as it swung around and his fist connected with Kurt’s cheek. Kurt cried out, stumbled backward and fell on the floor. Immediately Blaine knew he’d hit him too hard. Years of boxing practice had strengthened his punch and he’d used too much force.

“Oh god, Kurt, I’m sorry,” he said, reaching down to him.

“Get the hell away from me!” Kurt screamed, holding a hand to his face. Blaine put his hand out and Kurt screeched at him. “Go! Get away from me, you asshole!”

Blaine turned and ran for the door, throwing it open with such force it hit the wall with a bang. He ran down the hall and through the remains of the party and out the door. Wes had driven them so he just kept running. He didn’t stop until he got to the apartment. It took him several tries to get the key to unlock the door. Finally it opened and he got to the bathroom just in time to vomit. It wasn’t until he collapsed on his bed, completely miserable, that he realized he’d deserted his date at the party. He shrugged to himself and passed out.

 

. . .

 

Kurt was still sitting on the floor, holding his cheek and sobbing when Lauren happened by.

“Kurt, oh my god, what happened?” she said kneeling down next to him. “You’re face is swollen. Who the hell did this to you?”

He looked at her miserably. “Blaine,” he mumbled. It hurt to talk. The whole left side of his face throbbed like crazy.

“Oh shit,” she said, her eyes sympathetic and worried. “Come on, let’s clean you up.”

Kurt stood and immediately winced. It’d been so long since he’d had sex and Blaine hadn’t exactly been gentle. That had been fine with Kurt in the moment, but now he was paying the price. Limping along, Lauren holding his arm, they went to the bathroom. She wetted a towel with cold water and helped clean his face.

“Kurt, you’re limping pretty bad. I have to ask. Did he rape you?” Lauren asked gently, her kind face hesitant.

“No. Just rough. Consensual,” Kurt muttered.

Just then Mercedes and Santana came to the bathroom and knocked. Lauren checked to see who it was and let them in. Both of them gasped at the sight of Kurt’s already swollen, discolored cheek.

“What the fuck?” Santana exclaimed.

“Kurt, what the hell happened?” Mercedes demanded.

Lauren looked at Kurt who nodded. “Blaine hit him,” she said, not mentioning the part about the sex, which made Kurt love her even more.

“Oh that’s it, I’m gonna show that hobbit what Lima Heights is all about! Cosas malas!!” Santana yelled, hurting everyone’s ears.

“No. Please. Just home,” Kurt said, his jaw aching something fierce. He just wanted to lay down and sleep.

Santana stared at him for a long moment, considering. “Fine, but if we see that hobbit, I’m gonna take the razor blades outta my hair. Cuz they’re all up in there,” she said, swirling her hand around her head.

“Aw, hell no, Kurt. You need to press charges, baby. This is straight up assault! The whole left side of your face is swollen,” Mercedes insisted.

“Love him. Please, home,” Kurt whispered, pain shining in his blue eyes.

“Alright, let’s go then,” Mercedes said. She and Lauren took his arms and Santana blocked for them in front. They were able to get out of the building without any questions, which Kurt was grateful for.

When they got to his apartment, Santana opened the door. They helped him into his pajamas; for once, Kurt wasn’t shy about changing in front of others because he knew they didn’t see him that way. Tucking him in, all three kissed him on the forehead, telling him to call or text if he needed them. He muttered a thank you and they left. As soon as he heard the door close, the tears started. Soon his entire body was shuddering with sobs. He was done. He had to be. He couldn’t keep getting his heart ripped out. His Blaine was gone, dead in a way. It was time to let go.

. . .  

 

 . . . . . .

**“Cough Syrup” Young the Giant. The info I used for Blaine to explain the meaning of the song is the real reason the band gave for writing the song. I found the info on Wikipedia (which I do not own), if you’re interested.**

**“Closer” Nine Inch Nails. I’ve always loved this song, the beat is hypnotic!**

**Blaine’s an ass, isn’t he? Next up: some ass kissing and not the sexual kind…**


	10. Goodbye To You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That last chapter was definitely intense. I can’t say it’s going to get any easier right away. I don’t own Glee or their characters…. The first song is “Say It To Me Now” by Glen Hansard (from the movie Once, highly recommend it!). Listen on YouTube, it’s amazing. http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=8zEyRixsDZY

Blaine’s head was throbbing. He’d spent most of the morning being sick, half from a hangover and half in response to what he’d done the night before. It wasn’t the sex that bothered him, either, which he refused to dwell on. It was what he’d done to Kurt. He’d hit him so hard, his hand was sore today. The shock, hurt, and utter devastation on Kurt’s face haunted him. He showered and sipped at a cup of coffee, downing as much aspirin as was safe, hoping his head would stop hurting. It wouldn’t do anything for the ache in his chest, but he figured that was the least he deserved.

Finally, when the pain in his head was a dull throb, he pulled out his guitar. Where he sat on his bed, he could see his reflection in the mirror above his dresser. He wasn’t too fond of what he could see. That person was not someone he recognized, not someone he could be proud of. Strumming the guitar softly, he began to sing. He sang to the reflection, to the person he’d become.

 

_Scratching at the surface now_

_And I'm trying hard to work it out_

_And so much has gone misunderstood_

_And this mystery only leads to doubt_

_And I didn't understand_

_When you reach down and take my hand_

_And if you have something to say_

_You'd better say it now_

 

He began strumming harder, fiercer, almost yelling the words. Glaring at his reflection, he sneered at what he’d become. The words were a sort of challenge; to what, he couldn’t say. But he poured all of his frustration, confusion and anger into the music.

 

_Cause this is what you've waited for_

_Your chance to even up the score_

_And as these shadows fall on me now_

_I will somehow, yeah_

_Cause I'm picking up a message Lord_

_And I'm closer than I've ever been before_

_So if you have something to say_

_Say it to me now_

_Say it to me now_

_Say it to me now_

Breathing hard, he glared at his reflection. Not taking another minute to consider his actions, he threw his guitar on the bed and left the apartment. Taking the stairs two at a time, he went to Kurt’s apartment, grateful that Wes had told him which one it was a while back. He stood there for a moment, wiping his hands on his jeans, took a deep breath and knocked. There was no answer so he knocked again, a little harder, wincing at the pain in his knuckles. Grimly, he welcomed the pain, knowing he deserved it.

Kurt opened the door and Blaine gasped. “Oh my god, Kurt, I am so sorry,” he cried.

The left side of Kurt’s face was swollen and purple. Kurt just stood there and stared at him, slowly crossing his arms protectively in front of him. As his shirt shifted, he saw bite marks and hickeys lining his collar bone. Refusing to acknowledge the small thrill those marks gave him, he looked into Kurt’s eyes. This was what worried Blaine the most; his blue eyes were empty, haunted.

“Kurt, can we talk, please? I have to make this right,” Blaine pleaded.

“No,” Kurt said simply.

“Come on, we’re friends, at least I thought we were becoming friends. We can get past this,” Blaine said, knowing he didn’t believe his own words, but maintained hope anyway.

Kurt fidgeted with his fingers then held his hand out. Confused, Blaine held his hand out. A beautiful platinum ring was dropped in his hands. Without another word, Kurt turned and closed the door, the deadbolt sliding home like a bullet to his heart.

Blaine stood there for several minutes before walking back to Wes’s apartment, feeling as if a thousand pound weight had just been dropped on his shoulders.

David was eating and Wes was watching ESPN when Blaine walked in. “Hey guys, can I, uh, talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, what’s up?” David asked, reaching over to turn the TV off.

Blaine explained everything, even down to sleeping with Kurt and punching him. His friends didn’t blink an eye at the mention of him having sex with Kurt, but when he admitted punching him, they both leapt to their feet.

“Are you fucking serious?” Wes demanded.

“Why would you do that to him? He loves you more than any damn person on this earth, you dumb ass,” David added.

“I don’t know. I was freaked out and all I kept thinking about was how it was unnatural and how because I wanted Kurt, I did something unnatural and wrong,” Blaine tried to explain, knowing any argument he had was weak and meaningless. “I went up to try and talk to him just now.”

“And?” Wes asked as he and David sat down again. Both of their expressions were hard, they were still angry, not that Blaine blamed them.

“I asked him if he’d talk to me and he just said no. Then he handed this to me and closed the door on me,” Blaine said, holding up the ring. “What is this?”

Wes and David looked at each other, both of their expressions switching from angry to truly sad. David finally spoke. “That’s the ring you gave Kurt when you proposed to him.”

Blaine stared at them then down at the ring, his stomach sinking. It was beautiful and he could see why Kurt might like it. “Why did he keep it this long?”

Wes glared at him. “Really? You really can’t figure that out? He had hope. He didn’t give up on his love for you. Not until you made it impossible, that is.” Wes walked out of the room and slammed his bedroom door.

“Don’t mind him. He has been yours and Kurt’s biggest fan since the beginning. This whole thing has been hard for him; for all of us really,” David said.

“What do I do?” Blaine begged, desperate for advice.

“Give him time, just like he gave you when you got out of the hospital and wanted nothing to do with him. He respected your boundaries. Now you have to do the same,” he answered.

Blaine knew he was right. But there had to be something more he could do.

 

. . .

 

That Monday at Velocity, they were still running through various performances, getting ready for the benefit. Kurt walked up on the stage, his face still discolored, though the swelling had gone down. He was wearing loose jeans and a plain gray long sleeved sweater that came down and hooked over his thumbs with plain black Converse sneakers. Blaine couldn’t remember him looking so basic before. He didn’t think the shadows under his eyes were from the bruising either. He put his head in his hands, filled with self-loathing. He had to make this right. Already he found himself missing Kurt’s presence in his life. He would go to text him something random as they’d begun doing over the past weeks, only to remember that he shouldn’t and put the phone back down.

Kurt stood at the microphone and looked down where Lauren, Mercedes, Finn, and Rachel were sitting in the front, cheering him on. He gave them a shadow of a smile and listened to the music intro. As he began singing, Blaine felt like the last vestiges of his heart were being pulled out. He was responsible for all of this. The loss of a friend, the estrangement of other friends, the broken man standing before him. Kurt’s lovely, pure voice eased a part of him at the same time that the lyrics stabbed at him like a million knives.

 

_Of all the things I've believed in_

_I just want to get it over with_

_Tears form behind my eyes_

_But I do not cry_

_Counting the days that pass me by_

_I've been searching deep down in my soul_

_Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old_

_It feels like I'm starting all over again_

_The last three years were just pretend_

_And I said,_

 

When Blaine heard the lyric “three years”, even knowing it was part of the song, tears escaped his eyes and he gasped with the effort to keep from sobbing. People kept looking back and forth between he and Kurt, either wondering or knowing the sentiment behind the song choice. Wes and David came and sat on either side of him, sharing an arm and a hug of support. Blaine was glad to know that Wes was still his friend.

 

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

 

For the first time, Kurt’s eyes met his own. Even from where he sat, Blaine could see the beautiful blue of his eyes, the long lashes that swept the top of his cheeks when he blinked.

 

_I still get lost in your eyes_

_And it seems that I can't live a day without you_

_Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away_

_To a place where I am blinded by the light_

_But it's not right_

 

Kurt dropped his gaze, having made his point painfully clear. Blaine clutched at his chest as he felt like his heart was being ripped out. This ache inside him wasn’t just over friendship, was it? He refused to answer that even to himself.

 

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

 

_And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time_

_I want what's yours and I want what's mine_

_I want you_

_But I'm not giving in this time_

Kurt’s voice had been whisper soft but the last line he belted out, looking out at Blaine, his expression resolved.

 

_Goodbye to you_

_Goodbye to everything I thought I knew_

_You were the one I loved_

_The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

_The one thing that I tried to hold on to_

 

He repeated the chorus one more time before the music went silent. The audience applauded him and surrounded him when he walked off the stage. Lauren grabbed him and hugged him and he seemed to collapse against her. His friends led him over to some seats and held his hands protectively. 

Blaine remained in his seat, devastated. Everything was so fucked up. Everything. He’d lost a friend, someone who had come to mean so much to him in such a short time. And the screwed up thing was, according to everyone but his parents, they’d been friends plus a whole hell of a lot more for over three years. There was one person he knew he could go to for the truth and some advice. Satisfied with his new plan, he listened to the remaining performances before raising his hand.

“I have a solo I’m thinking of using,” he said to Mr. Schue.

“Great, we only have time for one more, so, come on up,” the advisor said.

He bounded up the stairs and handed out the music before taking his place in front of the audience. Everyone was looking at him unhappily, except Kurt and Lauren, who was whispering in his ear as she rubbed his back comfortingly. Though he wouldn’t look at him, nevertheless, Blaine didn’t allow his eyes to leave Kurt’s face as he began singing.

 

_I'm not a perfect person_

_There's many things I wish I didn't do_

_But I continue learning_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

Kurt finally looked up and Blaine put all of his emotion into the song, hoping to push the words into Kurt’s heart, hoping that this could earn him a chance to at least try to apologize.

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_and the reason is you_

Tears were streaming down Kurt’s face and his shoulders were shaking. Lauren hugged him, but he kept his eyes on the stage. Blaine was having a hard time keeping his own tears under control, though a few escaped when he sang the words of apology. He’d never meant words more in his life than he did now.

_I'm sorry that I hurt you_

_It's something I must live with everyday_

_And all the pain I put you through_

_I wish that I could take it all away_

_And be the one who catches all your tears_

_That’s why I need you to hear_

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_and the reason is you_

_and the reason is you_

_and the reason is you_

_and the reason is you_

_I'm not a perfect person_

_I never meant to do those things to you_

_And so I have to say before I go_

_That I just want you to know_

_I've found a reason for me_

_To change who I used to be_

_A reason to start over new_

_And the reason is you_

_I've found a reason to show_

_A side of me you didn't know_

_A reason for all that I do_

_And the reason is you_

As the last word left his mouth, Kurt stood up and walked out of the auditorium, Lauren at his side.

“Kurt, come back! Kurt,” Blaine called, jumping off the stage and running toward the door. An iron hand grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Puck and Finn were standing there, both looking ready to rip him apart limb from limb.

“Stay the hell away from my brother, do you understand me? I should end you now, but he asked me not to, and that is the only reason I don’t lay you out for laying a hand on him,” Finn growled, putting his face right up to Blaine’s.

Blaine glared right back at him. “I just want to talk to him, to apologize,” he insisted.

Puck pulled the arm he was still holding. “You wait for him to come to you, got it? I think you’ve put him through enough without doing more damage.”

Blaine stared at them both and finally shrugged Puck’s hand off his arm. “Fine.” He turned around only to find himself surrounded by the remaining members of Velocity.

“Why, hobbit? Why’d you have to hit him when all he’s done, all he’s _ever_ done, is love your ass,” Santana ranted.

“He’s supported you through this whole thing even though it’s done nothing but rip him up inside,” Tina added.

“He doesn’t eat, he doesn’t sleep and it’s all your fault,” Mercedes said.

At that, Blaine finally broke. He fell to the floor in front of them all, sobbing, trying to mutter out apologies through his gasps for air. David came and knelt down next to him.

“Okay, guys, I know you needed to get that out, but let’s leave him be, okay?” he said, looking up at the group, keeping a hand on Blaine’s shuddering back.

“Fine. But you stay away from our boy,” Puck said as they all dispersed.

A little later, the room was empty, Blaine having sent David on his way since he still had one class. He just sat there, trying to calm down when all he wanted to do was scream. Hearing footsteps near him, he turned to see Lauren coming over, her face guarded. Leaning against a chair, she crossed her arms over her chest. Her brown eyes were serious and seemed to see right through him.

“What do you want?” she asked bluntly.

“What do you mean?”

“What do you want with Kurt? If you could have whatever your heart desired, what would it be?”

He sat there for a moment, giving serious thought to her words. What _did_ he want? Finally, all he could do was shrug. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to lose him.”

“That’s not good enough. And until you figure out what you do want, you need to leave Kurt alone. He’s had about as much as he can handle,” she said firmly.

Blaine knew she was right. He had to know what the hell he was doing before he screwed things up even more. And he knew right where to start.

 

. . .

 

**Music: “Say it to me now” Glen Hansard; “Goodbye to you” Michelle Branch; “The Reason” Hoobastank. I loved the music in this chapter. I knew from the start that music alone could tell this whole story, so I’m sorry if you don’t like the music parts. I think it helps.**

**Next up: Big Brother (*snort*really!)  Yay! Reviews please!**


	11. Coming Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s just dig right on in there. There will be some homophobic slurs, so warning.

 

By Saturday, Velocity was meeting to practice twice per day, getting song choice, choreography, lighting and costumes down. Kurt still had no idea what to sing for a solo and honestly didn’t have it in him to care. Rachel was shocked knowing he usually enjoyed being the center of attention. She offered to do a duet with him and he agreed, so they began practicing for that. Between practices, different members of Velocity would call, text, or meet to discuss their worry over Kurt. He was a slim man to start with but when he’d pulled his  sweater off the previous day, his ribcage had been very prominent, pushing against his pale skin. Those who had seen had shared a shocked look, including Blaine.

When asked if he was eating, Kurt just shrugged it off and told them he ate when he felt like it. He didn’t tell anyone he spent the nights in tears and he couldn’t seem to keep any food down. Looking in the mirror, seeing the love bites and hickeys gave him mixed emotions. He loved them because they were from the man he would always love. They also upset him because that had led to the wondrous intimacy they’d shared and then to the words and the blow that had torn it all apart. He’d been so sore after that night, but he would’ve cherished ever tender step if Blaine had shown him the least amount of caring. But that wasn’t to be. Blaine’s actions had taken a beautiful sexual experience and turned it into something ugly. Kurt hadn’t made the conscious decision to give the engagement ring back until he’d actually done it. Hell, he didn’t even know if Blaine would remember what it was, he’d only seen it the one time at the hospital right after he’d woken up. But seeing him standing there, unconsciously rubbing his sore knuckles, the very knuckles that had bruised Kurt’s face, he realized he couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t sit by and hope and hope and hope that Blaine would get his memory back or come around. It wasn’t going to happen and that was crystal clear now. Yes, Blaine appeared to regret what he’d done, but Kurt’s heart was beyond simple apologies. Sometimes he felt like he didn’t have a heart anymore, he felt so empty. But the ache in his chest that was there day after day, every minute of the time he spent in Blaine’s presence, told him otherwise. His heart was in there and it was shattered to tiny bits.

 

. . .

 

Blaine had been surprised to get the text from Miranda. He didn’t think she would’ve contacted him again after that fateful party. But when she asked him out for coffee, he figured it would at least give him a chance to apologize in person.

She was sitting, waiting for him when he got to the café. Waving to her, he got in line to get a coffee before going to sit across from her. She had her brown hair pulled back into a pony tail and she gave him a friendly smile as a greeting.

“Miranda, I’m glad you texted. I am so sorry about that party. Some crazy stuff went down and I ended up leaving in a hurry,” he said sincerely.

“No big deal, really. I had fun dancing with your friend, Puck. We actually went out the other night,” she said, a twinkle in her eyes.

“Really? That’s great,” Blaine said, relieved.

“Yeah, he told me what happened that night. I pretty much figured out that it was probably information I didn’t need to know.” Blaine closed his eyes in mortification. Damn Puck straight to hell. “But, from the way he made everything sound, it didn’t seem like you ended up with anyone  you could talk to about the situation. So here I am. A friend, ready to listen and offer advice if I can,” she said, smiling brightly.

Blaine sighed and returned her smile with a grateful one of his own. “You have no idea how much I could use someone to talk to. I’d been hoping to talk to my brother, but he had to leave last week for an audition in L.A. He’s flying back out tomorrow and we’re getting together, so that will help too. Geez, I don’t even know where to start.”

“Why don’t you tell me what it was like to wake up from a coma,” Miranda said kindly.

“It was kind of like waking up from anesthesia. Have you ever had surgery?” She nodded. “Then you know that heavy feeling that is over your body, seems to hold it down whether you want it to or not. It was like that. But I heard someone singing; it was beautiful really. Somehow it helped me win the battle over my mind and I kinda floated awake. I saw these two guys standing over me, looking at me like they cared, but I had no idea who they were. It got weird quick because the one guy, Kurt, was calling me baby and telling me he loved me. It freaked me out, bad. All I could hear in my head was gay, fag, homo, bad, unnatural, so I knew I couldn’t trust this guy or believe anything he said.” Blaine was being brutally honest and god bless her, Miranda just kept a compassionate look on her face between sips of coffee. “Then the other guy, Kurt’s dad, says my fiancé had dragged himself out of bed to come be with me. I didn’t see any girls around and then it kind of sunk in that they were talking about Kurt. That I had asked Kurt to marry me. I knew they had to be wrong. I’m not gay, I never have been. I feel awful because I insulted him like crazy, but he just kept on trying to tell me he loved me. My parents got there and I asked them if what Kurt said was true. They got furious and told me of course I wasn’t gay. I’d had plenty of girlfriends over the years. My mother told me Kurt had been pretty much stalking me for years. And you can always believe your parents, right? So I did. I asked them to keep Kurt away from me. When I found out he and I were roommates, I wondered why I would be living with a guy who was stalking me, but I just went with it, thinking it had to do with saving money. Wes and David, my friends, helped move my stuff out of Kurt’s apartment and into theirs. As time went on, it turned out that the only stuff I couldn’t remember was Kurt and the memories with him or sexuality in it. It’s been so bizarre, knowing this one thing is keeping me from knowing all there is to know about myself. God, I treated him like such shit at first. I shoved him once and all he’d said was that he wanted to help me get my memory back.”

“Not that violence is okay, but you were under the impression this person was harmful,” Miranda said gently.

“Yeah, but that’s no excuse. Anyway, I started thinking about him a lot. I found out we’d been best friends for the past few years aside from any relationship we might have had. Again, this didn’t coincide with what my folks told me, but it made missing him make sense. Eventually we started getting together for coffee, talking, texting, that kind of stuff. It was great, he’s such a good guy. I could kind of tell he still liked me, but I was enjoying hanging out, so I didn’t make a big deal out of it. That night at the party; I’m still sorry about that,” Blaine said and Miranda waved for him to continue. “Anyway, we were drinking quite a bit and I saw Kurt dancing.” He couldn’t say anymore, his face was burning with shame.

“You found yourself attracted to him?” she asked, her face neutral.

“In a bad way. I couldn’t seem to stop myself from dragging him into a bedroom. He was completely into it, too. Then when it was over, he told me he still loved me and would be with me if I wanted him to be. All I could hear were those negative thoughts again. I knew homosexuality was bad, a sin, something that goes against the way men and women were created. And here I’d just had sex with a guy, breaking the most cardinal rule. So when he told me he still wanted to be with me, I freaked out and I punched him.” Blaine put his head down on his hands. “Oh god, I hit him so freakin’ hard. My had was sore and red. The whole side of his face was swollen. I’d taken an intimate moment and threw it back in his face, treating him like trash.”

“Did you enjoy the experience?” Miranda wanted to know.

Blaine didn’t answer for a moment. Then his face burned and he nodded. “Very much so.”

“You must have beat yourself up a lot over this,” she said. “It’s a very confusing situation.”

“Yeah, but he didn’t deserve any of what I did to him,” he said, shaking his head in misery.

“No, he didn’t. But it sounds like some people weren’t honest with you from the start, since you woke up. You might want to think about hearing their side of the story.”

He stared at her. “My parents? Why would they lie?” Though the exact same thoughts had entered his mind numerous times.

“Well, they don’t exactly seem open to homosexuality,” she said sardonically.

“But I don’t feel like I’m gay. The thought still repulses me,” he said, confused.

“Did Kurt repulse you when you were together?”

He thought back to those moments between them. Kurt’s hot naked body writhing under his. The feel of his soft, smooth skin, the taste of his tongue in Blaine’s mouth. Blaine’s aching cock filling him up, thrusting into him until they were both crying from the sensations. He looked at her honestly. “Not even a bit.”

“There you go then. I’d say talk with your brother and then talk to your folks. You need to get to the bottom of this,” she said.

Blaine shook his head. “Why haven’t I thought of this already?”

“Sometimes it takes someone else to see the obvious for you. Let me know how it turns out okay? Now I’ve gotta head out. I have a hot date with Puck and his sexy mohawk tonight and I need to get ready,” Miranda said with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

Blaine stood and gave her a light hug, thanking her again. He couldn’t be more grateful for her if he tried. Now he was looking forward to Coop’s visit tomorrow. Hopefully, his brother wouldn’t hide anything from him. Checking his watch, he realized he needed to get a move on. They were rehearsing one of the group numbers for the benefit in twenty minutes.

 

. . .

 

“Okay. Let’s run through this one more time. Puck, stop messing with Sam’s hair. I know everyone is tired and this is a long number, but if we can get through this one time, hitting all of the choreography and notes, we can consider this ready for the benefit. So, from the top,” Mr. Schue said and cued the music. The heavy drum intro began and they all started to sway.

 

_(Artie)_

_For those days we felt like a mistake,_

_Those times when loves what you hate,_

_Somehow, we keep marching on._

_(Blaine)_

_For those nights when I couldn't be there,_

_I've made it harder to know that you know,_

_That somehow, we'll keep moving on._

_(Kurt)_

_There's so many wars we fought,_

_There's so many things we’re not,_

_But with what we have,_

_I promise you that,_

_(Group)_

_We're marching on,_

_We're marching on,_

_We're marching on._

_(Puck and Artie)_

_For all of the plans we've made,_

_There isn't a flag I'd wave,_

_Don't care if we bend,_

_I'd sink us to swim,_

_(Group)_

_We're marching on,_

_We're marching on_

_We're marching on._

_(Trent)_

_For those doubts that swirl all around us,_

_For those lives that tear at the seams,_

_We know, we're not what we've seen,_

_(Mike)_

_Oh, for this dance we'll move with each other._

_There ain't no other step than one foot,_

_Right in front of the other._

_(Kurt)_

_There's so many wars we fought,_

_There's so many things we're not,_

_But with what we have,_

_I promise you that,_

_(Group)_

_We're marching on,_

_We're marching on_

_We're marching on._

_(Women)_

_For all of the plans we've made,_

_There isn't a flag I'd wave,_

_Don't care if we bend,_

_I'd sink us to swim,_

_(Group)_

_We're marching on,_

_We're marching on_

_We're marching on._

_(Women)_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_(Men)_

_Right, right, right, right left right,_

_Right, right, right, right left right,_

_Right, right, we're marching on._

_(Blaine)_

_We'll have the days we break,_

_And we'll have the scars to prove it,_

_We'll have the bonds that we save,_

_But we'll have the heart not to lose it._

With only the heavy thump of the drum backing them, Kurt looked between the dancing bodies at Blaine as he sang, tears streaming down his face. Blaine met his gaze, his golden eyes sparkling with unshed tears. They shared that moment and then it was over.

_(Kurt)_

_For all of the times we've stopped,_

_For all of the things I'm not._

_(Group)_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_(Sam)_

_We put one foot in front of the other,_

_We move like we ain't got no other,_

_We go when we go,_

_We're marching on, marching on_

_(Puck and Artie)_

_There's so many wars we fought,_

_There's so many things we're not,_

_But with what we have,_

_I promise you that,_

_(Group)_

_We're marching on,_

_We're marching on_

_We're marching on._

_(Women)_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh_

_(Men with Blaine vocalizing over)_

_Right, right, right, right left right,_

_Right, right, right, left, right,_

_Right, right, we're marching on._

_(Group with no instruments)_

_Oh, oh, oh, oh_

 

“Excellent job, everyone! That’s it for the night. Rest those voices and drink plenty of water. I’m proud of you guys. That is going to be a spectacular number. We’ll see you tomorrow afternoon at three, so don’t be late. Good night!” Mr. Schue called.

Blaine had hoped to share another look or a quick word with Kurt, but he was already out the door before he was even able to get off the stage. He grabbed his bag and was walking by Mr. Schue and Lauren when he heard Kurt’s name.

“Is he eating at all? He’s looking really bad. I’m worried if he keeps this up, he’ll need to go to the hospital. And selfishly, he wouldn’t be able to participate in the benefit and we need his voice,” Mr. Schue was saying.

“He’s been under a lot of stress. I’ll talk to him,” Lauren said.

Blaine had noticed Kurt looking more and more pale. He wondered if he should say something to him or if it would just hurt things. Well, if Lauren was going to talk to him, she was more likely than anyone to get him to listen.

 

. . .

 

“Cooper, I’m so glad you could make it,” Blaine said, hugging his brother before letting him in.

“How are you doing?” Cooper asked, walking in and sitting on the couch.

“I’m alright. You?” Blaine noticed his brother wasn’t his usual jovial self. He looked, well, he looked pissed if he was honest with himself. This was not something he was used to from his brother. Especially because it looked to be aimed at him.

“I just saw Kurt,” Cooper said.

“Oh,” Blaine responded, sitting down heavily in a chair across from his brother. “How did he look?”

“You see him every day at practice. How do you think he looks? He’s exhausted, starving, and depressed. What the hell have you done to that boy?” Cooper demanded, his blue eyes flashing angrily.

“Cooper, I’ve tried talking to him, tried singing to him. I don’t know what else to do,” Blaine told him, frustrated.

“Yeah, and you hit him, too, I saw. I heard Kurt’s version of the story and I want yours. Now,” Cooper said, his tone brooking no argument.

Blaine was as honest as he’d been with Miranda, so desperate for his brother’s advice that he would put up with the embarrassment and shame he was sure Coop would have with him. When he was done, Cooper just stared at him.

“You really are the stupid son, aren’t you?” Cooper said.

“It wouldn’t surprise me. Coop, can you tell me what life was like before the accident? What was I like? How did I act around Kurt? I need to know the truth,” he pleaded.

“No matter what you end up hearing?” Cooper wanted to know.

“No matter what,” Blaine agreed.

“Alright. Well, you two met at Dalton Academy. It took a few months for you to get your head out of your ass – seems like that’s a theme with you – and ask him out, but you finally did. You two were together every day since. There wasn’t a single day where you didn’t at least talk on the phone. To be honest, I’d never seen you so happy. And after I finally met the little squirt, I understood. Kurt has always been the sweetest, most compassionate and selfless person I’ve known. He brought out the best in you and you brought out the courage in him. Two halves of a whole,” Cooper mused. “The day of the accident, you’d taken him out for a picnic and proposed to him, ring and all. Kurt was over the moon. Right after you told Mom and Dad about the engagement, you got in the wreck. You hit your head too hard and that’s why you were in the coma.” Cooper shrugged as he finished up.

“Wait a second. Why aren’t you disgusted that I was in a gay relationship?” Blaine wanted to know.

Cooper looked at him, his head to the side. “Why would I be? You came out in your freshman year of high school. It’s just who you are. I was happy for you when you met Kurt. You were so good together, so happy. Why wouldn’t I be happy for both of you?”

“But when I woke up in the hospital and Kurt told me he loved me and I was his fiancé, I, god, Coop, I called him horrible names and got Mom and Dad to bar him from the room. They told me he’d been stalking me,” he said, his voice fizzling out at the red fury spreading across Cooper’s face.

“Blaine Everett Anderson, were you born with a dunce cap on? Jesus. Mom and Dad have hated that you were gay your entire life. The day you called and told them about your engagement to Kurt, they said a ton of ugly stuff to both of you. Called you fags, homos, told you how unnatural you both were, how it was against the natural order of things,” Cooper said, pausing at the question in Blaine’s expression.

“But why did I wake up hating gays? I was absolutely repulsed by Kurt and everything about him until I started to dream about him,” he said, needing an answer.

Cooper quickly shared his theory about the last thing he’d heard before the coma somehow affecting his subconscious. How maybe he’d let his parents words get to him more than he should have. “I don’t know if it’s possible. But it makes the most sense. And then to have them confirm what you woke up believing… It was perfect for them. They suddenly got to have the straight son they’d always wanted.”

“You mean all of this could be from them just hating me so much? Hating who I am?” Blaine’s eyes began watering. “It’s not fair! I had this whole other life that I was apparently happy in. Now I’m alone and miserable and dealing with all this shame and desires that feel so fucking wrong,” he said and broke down. Cooper came to him and wrapped his arms around him, rocking him back and forth like a child. “But if this is who I am, if I’m gay, why do I still feel all of this shame and embarrassment? I’m admitting to myself that I care about Kurt, but I still feel like it’s all wrong,” Blaine sobbed.

“I don’t know. I think that’s just something you’re going to have to work through,” Cooper said, rubbing his back. Blaine didn’t stop crying for a long while, all the anger, loss, and frustration finally getting an outlet.

When he came back from washing his face in the bathroom a while later, his hurt had turned to fury. “You know I have to confront them, don’t you?”

“I’d think you were an even bigger idiot if you didn’t,” Cooper said with a grin.

“Do you mind being here while I call them? To back me up, so they can’t lie to me again? I would appreciate it,” Blaine said, recognizing that he needed his brother.

“I’ve got your back,” Cooper smiled.

Blaine dialed his parents and put them on speaker phone. He had no idea how similarly it looked to the night of the engagement.

“Hi Blaine! How are you, sweetie?” His mom asked, all pleasantness. Cooper was shaking his head in disgust.

“I’m alright. Hey is Dad around, I’d like to talk to both of you,” Blaine said evenly.

“Sure thing!”

A moment later, his dad came on. “Hey there, son! What’s new? Have you seen that Miranda gal again? It sounded like you two hit it off pretty well. We’ll have to,” his dad said, but Blaine interrupted him.

“Why did you and Mom lie to me?”

“What?” Nora asked, her voice bewildered.

“What would we have to lie to you about, son?” Evan asked, still sounding cheerful.

“That’s bullshit, and we all know it. I’m gay,” Blaine said and swallowed as his eyes went wide. He’d said it. He’d come out and said it. “I’m gay,” he repeated. “I asked the man I loved to marry me and you two said horrible, awful things to both of us right before the accident. Then you lied when I woke up and told me I wasn’t gay. Why the hell would you do that to me? Why would you do that to Kurt?” Blaine was yelling by this point, standing over the phone on the coffee table like it was his parents. Cooper grabbed his arm and sat him back down. “You gotta give them a chance to answer,” he whispered.

“You woke up and said you weren’t gay, Blaine, why would we contradict you? You told Kurt you weren’t gay before we even got there. Why are you blaming us?” Evan said.

“Because you knew the truth! You knew I was born gay, that I came out at fourteen years old. That doesn’t change just because of a coma. You had to know I was confused and affected by the accident. You could have told me the truth. Instead you let me be filled with anger and hate. And when I fell in love with Kurt again, I felt shame and degradation instead of joy like I should have been able to feel,” he railed at them. Was he really in love with Kurt, he wondered? Yes, yes he was. The thought felt good, felt right. He grinned at Cooper who looked at him like he was nuts. Maybe he was, but he felt like he finally had a bead on who he was and what his heart wanted.

“Of course you should feel shame and degradation, homosexuality is a disgusting affront to society,” Nora said, her tone arrogant.

“Not even close, Mom. You want to know what is a disgusting affront to society? To this world? Ignorance. Ignorance, prejudice, and people like you who would rather hate what is different than embrace it. Well, you don’t need to worry about having a gay son,” Blaine said.

“Oh thank god, so you’re not going that route again?” Evan said gratefully.

“No. You don’t need to worry because you no longer have a son. You no longer exist to me,” Blaine said firmly.

“I’m gonna have to throw in on this one. I can’t believe what you guys did to Blaine and Kurt and if you’re willing to do that to them, what are you willing to do to me as soon as I do something you don’t like? So, I’m out, too. Blaine and I will be just fine without either of you. We’ll be able to find acceptance and love from people who matter, cuz it ain’t you two,” Cooper said, leaning over the phone with glee.

“Cooper? You’ve been there this whole time?” Nora screeched.

“Uh, yeah?!” Coop grinned.

“Dammit boys, this is not going to fly. Now listen to me,” their father said.

“Oh wait. Now, I do believe we just disowned you two and as such, we don’t have to listen to a damn thing you say,” Blaine said, sharing his brother’s smile. “So, here’s my final word on the matter,” he finished and hit ‘end’ on the phone.

“Damn Blaine! You got balls that clang!” Cooper cried, giving him a high five.

Blaine grinned. “I feel so free. But, Coop, you didn’t have to do it, too.”

“Yeah, I did. Like I said to them, there was no telling what they were willing to do if they were okay with lying to their own son about who he is. I’m proud of you, Blaine. You did the right thing,” Cooper said and hugged him. “Now you need to make it right with Kurt. I gotta head out, but I’ll see you next week at the benefit.”

Blaine saw his brother to the door and felt like he was soaring. He had an idea and hopefully he could get Velocity to cooperate with him. Pulling up the contacts on his phone, he started making calls.

 

. . .

 

Practice that afternoon was busy again, trying to get the biggest acts down since they’d only have weekday practices before next Saturday. Everyone seemed to be buzzing with energy. Kurt didn’t understand it. All he wanted to do was sleep. As practice finally wound down, Kurt was sitting in a seat near the back, half dozing when he heard the microphone crackle. He opened his eyes and was startled to see the entire group on stage.  He stood up, thinking he’d missed a cue.

Blaine was holding the microphone and gestured for him to sit down. “We’ve all been worried about you lately, and I can’t help feeling responsible. Kurt, I’ve really screwed up. It seems like the only thing I’ve done since I woke up in the hospital was hurt you. I know one song can’t fix it. Hell, a whole soundtrack couldn’t fix it. But I hope this one might lift your spirits a little. This is from all the people who love you.” He stood back and motioned to the band. As the music began, Blaine stood with Velocity swaying behind him, including Mr. Schue. Kurt sat with his eyes wide and took in the obvious show of affection from his friends. He refused to think of what it meant from Blaine.

 

_(Lauren)_

_When you try your best, but you don't succeed_

_When you get what you want, but not what you need_

_When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep_

_Stuck in reverse_

_(Blaine)_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_When you lose something you can't replace_

_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_

_Could it be worse?_

_(Rachel and Blaine)_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_(Mercedes)_

_And high up above or down below_

_When you're too in love to let it go_

_But if you never try you'll never know_

_Just what you're worth_

_(Brittany and Blaine)_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

_(Group)_

_Tears stream down on your face_

_When you lose something you cannot replace_

_Tears stream down on your face_

_And I..._

As if the words had to come true, Kurt was overcome by the love his friends were showing and was weeping quietly. The beautiful sound coming from their combined voices gave him chills.

_(Group)_

_Tears stream down on your face_

_I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_

_Tears stream down on your face_

_And I..._

_(Blaine)_

_Lights will guide you home_

_And ignite your bones_

_And I will try to fix you_

 

Kurt stood and applauded his friends, giving them a watery smile. “Thank you,” he said.

The group slowly drifted from the stage and Kurt moved to grab his coat.

“Kurt? Can we talk? There are some things I need to tell you.”

Kurt closed his eyes at the familiar voice. He was so tired. There was nothing more in him to give, to anyone.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, not even looking at Blaine. He just picked up his bag and walked away.

 

. . .

 

**Songs: “Marchin’ On” One Republic; “Fix You” Coldplay.**

**Next up: Intervention and the benefit. Reviews are precious to me!!**


	12. Somebody I Knew

Blaine kept hoping to see Kurt, hoping to have a chance to talk to him. He even took to watching the window in case he saw him leaving the building, refusing to think about how creepy that might be. Monday afternoon he saw his chance. Kurt was carrying a bag of garbage to the Dumpster which would give Blaine enough time to get out there. He hurried down the hall and out the back door of the apartments. He saw the Dumpster open and the sound of a bag being thrown. Then he heard Kurt talking.

“Yeah, life has been great, Dad. Classes are going really well, I’m enjoying all of my new professors. Uh huh. Saturday at six. Velocity is gonna kill this benefit. Dad, yes, I’m fine. I don’t know why Finn would tell you something like that. Of course I’m eating, what kind of question is that? Finn is such a drama queen, he’s been hanging around Rachel too long. Okay, Dad. Take care and I’ll see you Saturday. Bye,” Kurt said, closing his phone.

Blaine stood there by the door, concerned. Kurt was visibly thinner, deep shadows under his eyes. And he was lying to his dad.

Kurt saw him and froze.

“Why are you lying to your dad?” Blaine asked gently.

“It’s none of your business,” Kurt said. His voice had gone from cheerful and friendly on the phone to tired and empty. He lifted his chin and eyebrow, looking down his nose at Blaine, something Blaine had seen him do when he was trying to protect himself.

“I’m worried about you, Kurt,” he said.

Kurt’s blue-green eyes seemed to look straight through him. “I’m sorry.” He pushed past Blaine and into the building.

Blaine followed him. “Kurt, please. I want to talk about things, try to fix what I’ve done,” he knew he was close to begging and he didn’t care.

Kurt turned to him and glared at him. “I think you’ve done quite enough, thank you.” He hurried up the stairs, not waiting to see Blaine’s reaction.

He stood there for a moment before returning to his apartment. Going to his room he grabbed his phone and dialed the number of a man he didn’t remember.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Hummel? This is Blaine Anderson.”

“Why the hell are you calling me? You little son of a bitch, you’d better be staying away from Kurt!” his voice was full of rage as if he wanted to reach through the phone and strangle Blaine.

“Sir, please! Please, can I just tell you something?”

“Why should I listen to anything you have to say after you dared lay a hand on my boy?” he growled.

Blaine’s palms were sweaty. He wiped them off as best he could as he tried to figure out what to say.

“Mr. Hummel, I’m worried about Kurt,” he said, hoping that might make him listen.

“Well, _Blaine_ , I’ve been worried about Kurt since you punched him, so why should I give a shit about anything you say?”

“Please, if you don’t believe me, that’s fine. Call Lauren or Mercedes or Mr. Schue from Velocity. Any one of them can corroborate what I’m saying,” Blaine pleaded.

Burt was silent on the other end for a moment. Blaine knew he would indeed call the others, just as Blaine hoped he would.

“What’s going on with Kurt?” he asked shortly.

“He hasn’t been eating. He’s lost a lot of weight and I don’t think he’s sleeping too well either. I overheard him talking to you on the phone and he sounded great, but face-to-face you can tell he’s really not doing well. Sir, I think you might want to come see him. I’ve talked to him and I know Lauren has talked to him, but he doesn’t seem to care. About anything, really. You might be the only one he will listen to. I’m really worried,” Blaine said, speaking quickly so he didn’t get cut off.

“And what exactly are you hoping to get out of this?”

“Nothing, sir. I’m just worried about Kurt. I know I’m to blame for all of this. I wish I could apologize to Kurt, tell him why some of this happened, but right now I just want to see him get better,” Blaine said, hoping the man could tell Blaine was sincere.

“So tell _me_ why some of this happened? It’s my boy you laid your hands on. Explain it to me.”

Blaine took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Then he told Burt everything. Everything he’d told Miranda, Cooper, the conversation with his parents, all of it.

“Damn, kid. You really got railroaded by your folks, didn’t you?” Burt said, his voice surprised and more gentle than it had been.

“Yeah, I did. But please, could you just come check on Kurt? I know it’s a long drive, but I think he needs help. He has classes and Velocity practice today, but he should be home around seven,” Blaine said, hoping Burt would listen to him.

“It’s never too long of a drive to come see my son. And if he’s in as bad a shape as you said, than yeah, I need to get my butt out there. Thanks for the call. I gotta tell you, though, I’m not gonna run interference between you and Kurt. It’s up to you to fix your own problems,” he said.

“I already plan to, sir. Thank you for listening,” Blaine said gratefully.

“Thank you for calling,” Burt said and hung up.

Blaine took a deep breath. That had been the more intimidating than talking to his parents. At least he’d listened, at least Kurt would get some help. And that was the only thing that mattered right now.

 

. . .

 

Kurt came home, exhausted. Practice had run long and his energy levels had already been depleted after classes. But he’d pushed through and was satisfied that people thought he was fine. Coming out of the stairwell and heading to his door, he stopped. Oh, shit.

“Dad! What are you doing here?” Kurt said, shocked. He quickly covered it up with a smile and hurried to his dad and put his arms around him.

“Kurt, my god, what have you done to yourself,” Burt’s voice was horrified, but he gently squeezed his son. It was like hugging a fragile piece of glass that might shatter with too much pressure.

“What are you talking about? I’m fine,” Kurt said, pulling away and unlocking his door. He walked inside and dropped his keys on the entry table.

“Kurt Christopher Hummel, don’t you dare lie to me,” Burt said, following him in and closing the door before coming over to tower over his son. He was in shock over Kurt’s emaciated frame.

“Alright, geez. I haven’t been feeling well. You know I tend to lose weight when I’m sick,” Kurt said dismissively, heading toward the kitchen to make coffee for his dad.

A knock sounded at the front door. “Could you get that, Dad?” he asked, grateful to whoever it was for the interruption. Maybe it would hold off the inquisition.

He came out of the kitchen after a moment and stopped, his mouth dropping open. In his living room was Lauren, Mercedes, Santana, Brittany, Puck, Finn, Rachel, Mr. Schue, Sam, Artie, Mike, Tina, and Trent.

“What the hell is going on? Is it someone’s birthday?” he said lightly, trying to smile, but failing miserably.

“Kurt, sit down,” his dad instructed, his tone brooking any argument.

Kurt sat on the chair while the rest of the group sat on the couch, floor, and chairs brought from the kitchen. Within a couple minutes everyone was settled. He turned to his dad, feeling like he had a brick in his stomach. This was not going to be pleasant.

“Kurt, you’ve been lying to people. And not just people, but those who love you most in this world,” his dad said, gesturing around the room.

“Dad, I’m fi- .”

“Don’t even say you’re fine, Kurt,” Lauren said, holding up a hand. “I will bring the pain if you say you are fine one more time. How many of us here have heard Kurt say he’s fine?” Everyone raised their hand. “And how many of you believe that Kurt is fine?” All of the hands dropped.

“Kurt you have lost an unhealthy amount of weight. You’re weak during the day, your energy levels have dropped at rehearsals, you are not fine,” Rachel said quietly.

Quietly, the other Velocity members went around commenting on his health and the worry they all had for him. Kurt had thought he’d been able to hide what was going on, but apparently his acting skills needed work. That or all of these people truly loved him.

Kurt turned his head away, fighting the tears burning in his eyes.

“I know things have been rough, son, I know. But you gotta take better care of yourself. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you,” Burt said, his voice rough. Kurt turned and saw tears in his dad’s eyes.

“I’m trying, Dad,” Kurt whispered, his own tears spilling over.

“You gotta try harder,” Burt said, taking Kurt’s hand.

“Kurt, I hate to say this because we need you so badly. But if you can’t take better care of yourself, I’m going to have to pull you out of the benefit,” Mr. Schue said.

“What? No! Come on, Mr. Schue!” Kurt cried out. Velocity was the one thing keeping him from going under. And he didn’t want to know what ‘under’ led to.

“Saturday is going to be intense. Lots of performances, dancing, and all of that in suits under those hot stage lights. I will not put you up there, knowing you could possibly collapse. I’m sorry, Kurt. I care about you more than I care about the performance,” Mr. Schue said, his eyes sad.

“I’ll do better,” Kurt said quickly. “I’ll try to eat. It’s just that I get sick when I try,” he said desperately.

“Let’s get you in to see a doctor, then,” Burt said. “Would you be willing to do that?”

“Anything. You just can’t pull me out of the benefit,” Kurt said, looking with pleading eyes at his director.

“Go to the doctor, do what they tell you. Then come to practice like normal. But Friday, I want you to go back and get checked by the doctor. I want a letter from the doctor confirming you are physically able to perform,” Mr. Schue said. Burt was nodding his agreement and approval of the idea.

“Fine, that’s fine. I can do that,” Kurt said. After a quiet moment, he turned to the group of people in the room. “Thank you to all of you for caring enough to come here today. I appreciate it and I’m sorry I’ve made you all worry.”

“Everyone else would have been here, but some had classes or work, but they wanted to be here,” Tina said with a gentle smile.

For a split second, Kurt let himself wonder if she truly meant everyone, but he didn’t question her.

After another round of well wishes and hugs from everyone, including a surprise kiss on the forehead from Puck, the door finally closed, leaving just him and his dad.

“Got a spare bed for your old man?” Burt said, taking his coat off.

Kurt stared. “You’re going to stay the night?”

“Why, you gonna make me pay for a motel room?” Burt asked, miffed.

“No. No, this is great. I’d love to have you stay. I have the spare bed already made up,” Kurt assured him. He couldn’t tell him that all he really wanted to do was crawl in his dad’s arms and hide there until all the pain went away. But sleeping under the same roof was enough.

“Good. So, what’s to eat around here?”

As they were eating their soup, Kurt mostly just sipping at the broth under his father’s watchful eye, Kurt started thinking.

“So was it Lauren or Mercedes who called you and sounded the alarm?” he asked.

“Neither,” Burt said, ripping a roll in half and spreading butter on it.

“Then who told you?”

“Blaine.”

Kurt stared at him, speechless.

 

. . .

 

The doctor turned out to be just as concerned as Burt. She gave him IV fluids while he was there in the office, as well as vitamins and a prescription for meds to help him settle his stomach and to sleep. When he asked her if she thought he would be better by Friday so he could perform Saturday, she looked at him sternly and told him he would, but only if he followed everything she told him to do. He gave his sincere promise. She told him to skip the rest of his classes for the day and go home and rest. He left with his new medicines, and a list of foods that would help strengthen him and replenish his depleted system. After Burt got him tucked in bed with “Funny Girl” in the DVD player, he went shopping and stocked Kurt’s cupboards and fridge with easy to digest foods. When he got back to the apartment, he gave Kurt the medicine from the pharmacy and sat with him through the rest of the movie. Kurt ended up falling asleep and Burt stared at his son with concern. He was acting like Burt had when Elizabeth had died. In a sense, he was grieving the loss of a loved one. But it appeared that Blaine was coming around, swearing that he was in love with Kurt, that he finally admitted he was gay. Hearing what his folks had done hadn’t shocked Burt. He’d wondered as much, knowing they’d never liked their son being gay.

Later, he made Kurt dinner and watched over him to make sure he finished it and was able to keep it down. The medicine the doctor had given him for his stomach worked like a charm and he actually went back for seconds of the soup. Pleased, his dad was satisfied that Kurt would keep working at taking care of himself. It would help that he planned to call his son every day, several times a day, just to make sure. But he didn’t have to tell him that now.

He called Carole, who’d had to work the previous day to tell her he was going to be on his way soon. He was getting his stuff together and getting ready to leave when he turned to Kurt. “Son, I want you to remember one thing. Every criminal gets to plead their case in front of the judge and the judge has to listen impartially.”

Kurt looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “Oh. Kay. What the heck is that supposed to mean?”

Burt smiled. “A little fatherly wisdom. Just remember okay?”

Kurt snickered. “Whatever you say. I love you, Dad. Thank you for coming out. I promise I’ll do better,” he swore.

“I know you will, buddy. I love you, too,” Burt said, pulling his son close and hugging him tightly. There was no creature on this earth as precious to him as this man. He said a silent prayer to whoever might listen that his boy would find happiness again. Something told him it might just be possible. 

 

. . .

 

Through the rest of the week, Kurt did exactly as the doctor instructed, desperate to perform on Saturday. Everyone commented on his progress, happy he was improving. The shadows disappeared from under his eyes and though it would take time to regain the weight he’d lost, his skin regained its porcelain glow and he was moving with more energy. Several times he saw Blaine staring at him, concern in his golden eyes. Despite what his dad had told him about Blaine calling him, he just couldn’t get past the anger and hurt Blaine had caused.

Friday, at the doctor’s office, Kurt gave a delighted shriek when the doctor gave her approval and wrote the letter for Mr. Schue. She even said she’d come to the benefit and laughed as Kurt hugged her excitedly before running out of the office. He immediately took the letter to Mr. Schue who gave him a hug and told him he was welcome to perform. When the rest of Velocity heard the news, they all applauded and cheered. He saw Blaine leap out of his chair to clap and whistle, but he looked away. Blaine had been very kind to him throughout the week, gentlemanly and sweet, even. Opening a door for him, bringing him tea during practice. Kurt kept his heart hard. He could not, would not risk letting himself get hurt again. He was finally on the path to healing and he intended to stay there.

 

. . .

 

Late Saturday afternoon found utter pandemonium at Mem-Aud where the Velocity members were trying to get costumes situated, sound checks done, a performance order worked and reworked, and nerves to settle.

When everyone was finally dressed in their clothes for their first performances, Mr. Schue called a show circle. Gathering together amid chatters of excitement and nerves, they all fell silent and looked at their harried director.

“First, I want you to know how proud I am of each and every one of you. You’ve all worked so hard and I couldn’t be happier with how far we’ve come. Now, keep an eye on the schedule. Since there are so many performances and time between each, I expect you to be out in the audience supporting each other between your call times. We have a section cordoned off, so be the leader of applause and cheering. Remember, the happier people are, the more money they are willing to donate,” he said among chuckles. “Alright, break a leg, everyone. Hands in,” he said. All of their hands came to meet in the middle and they raised them up with a shout of “Velocity!” It was show time.

Kurt stayed in the back because he and Santana were third up. They warmed up their voices while listening to the distant strains of their teammates performing. Rachel and Rory were doing a lovely rendition of “All I Ask of You” from Phantom of the Opera. Then came Sam who sang his favorite country song, “Red Solo Cup”. They could hear the audience clapping along, already enjoying themselves. Kurt was checking his hair and adjusting his suit. He thought he looked good in the deep blue shirt with the solid black suit. The blue brought his eyes out and the excitement put color in his cheeks. He couldn’t believe how good he felt. He’d been sleeping every night and was able to eat anything he wanted, which was a lot now that he felt better. Santana came up to him in a gorgeous deep blue skin tight dress.

“Ready, fancy?” Santana asked with a grin.

“Let’s do this,” he smiled in return, taking her hand.

Blaine wasn’t up for a few more songs, so he joined Trent, Lauren and some of the other members in the audience. Kurt was up next and Blaine couldn’t wait to hear him sing. He didn’t know the number he’d finally settled on, but with his beautiful voice, anything would sound like a taste of heaven. He applauded loudly and whistled as they were announced by the emcee, Finn, who was delighted to be able to participate in the evening.

Kurt looked spectacular in his suit and from the murmurs around him, he was sure Santana would probably end up with the phone number of every man in the auditorium.

The music began and Blaine felt his heart sink. Would he ever be able to make up for what he did? Even through the hurt pulsing through him, he knew they were doing a fantastic job. Kurt’s voice sounded spectacular in the song. He was usually a Broadway kind of singer, but this suited him and Blaine had to admit, it was sexy as hell. Even if it felt like his heart was being ripped out.

 

 

_(Kurt)_

_Now and then I think of when we were together_

_Like when you said you felt so happy you could die_

_Told myself that you were right for me_

_But felt so lonely in your company_

_But that was love and it's an ache I still remember_

_You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness_

_Like resignation to the end, always the end_

_So when we found that we could not make sense_

_Well you said that we would still be friends_

_But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over_

 

The audience was on their feet, waving cell phones like lighters, and swaying to the beat. Blaine couldn’t take his eyes off Kurt. Suddenly Kurt’s eyes found his and he sang the words to Blaine.

 

_But you didn't have to cut me off_

_Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing_

_And I don't even need your love_

_But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough_

_No you didn't have to stoop so low_

_Have your friends collect your records and then change your number_

_I guess that I don't need that though_

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know_

_(Both)_

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know_

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know_

_(Santana)_

_Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over_

_But had me believing it was always something that I'd done_

_But I don't wanna live that way_

_Reading into every word you say_

_You said that you could let it go_

_And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know_

_(Kurt)_

_But you didn't have to cut me off_

_Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing_

_And I don't even need your love_

_But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough_

_And you didn't have to stoop so low_

_Have your friends collect your records and then change your number_

_I guess that I don't need that though_

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know_

_(Both)_

_Somebody_

_I used to know_

_Somebody_

_Now you're just somebody that I used to know_

_I used to know_

_That I used to know_

_I used to know_

_Somebody_

 

The crowd roared as they finished. Blaine swallowed the lump in his throat and whistled loudly. Despite the hurt, he was so proud of Kurt and impressed with his natural talent. He walked to the back to get ready for his number.

 

. . .

 

Kurt was having the time of his life. The number with Santana had energized him and he was ready for the rest of the evening. He was in the audience listening to Mercedes belt out “I Will Always Love You”, which she dedicated to the memory of Whitney Houston. His arms were covered in goose bumps from her soulful voice. It was the perfect way to spend the evening. He would sit through one more performance, then there would be an intermission and then more performances.

When Finn announced Blaine, he almost got up and left, but Mike pulled him down and muttered, “Support the team, remember?”

Kurt gave him an arrogant look, but kept his seat and looked toward the stage. Blaine was dressed in a stunning dove gray suit and shirt perfectly tailored to his wide shoulders and narrow waist. His tie was plaid with blue, gray, and purple. Blaine’s hair was loose and curly around his head which Kurt had always loved. He was altogether gorgeous and Kurt couldn’t hold back the yearning he felt for the man.

The lights went down until a single light was centered on Blaine. The piano began with the simple opening, a violin coming in, creating a sweet harmony.

 

_I’ve waited a hundred years_

_But I’d wait a million more for you_

_Nothing prepared me for_

_What the privilege of being yours would do_

Blaine found him in the audience and Kurt couldn’t drag his eyes away. The words were beautiful and there was something hypnotic about Blaine that drew him in. He had to blink several times to get the sudden tears out of his eyes.

_If I had only felt the warmth within your touch_

_If I had only seen how you smile when you blush_

_Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough_

_Well I would have known_

_What I was living for all along_

_What I’ve been living for_

Blaine pointed at Kurt, taking the microphone and walking to the edge of the stage. His rich voice filled the room. Kurt barely noticed out the corner of his eyes as people were sniffling and wiping their eyes.

_Your love is my turning page_

_Where only the sweetest words remain_

_Every kiss is a cursive line_

_Every touch is a redefining phrase_

Blaine continued to gesture between himself and Kurt and the audience began looking around to find who he was singing to. Kurt sank down in his seat. Even if he wanted to leave, though, there was no way he could tear himself away now.

_I surrender who I’ve been for who you are_

_For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart_

_If I had only felt how it feels to be yours_

_Well I would have known_

_What I’ve been living for all along_

_What I’ve been living for_

_Though we’re tethered, to the story we must tell_

_When I saw you, well I knew we’d tell it well_

_With the whisper, we will tame the vicious scenes_

_Like a feather, bringing kingdoms to their knees_

 

The intermission was announced and Kurt turned away from the stage and went to see his dad and Carole. They complimented him on his performance and asked about Rachel and Finn.

“That last song was quite a doozy, huh?” his dad commented.

“I guess,” Kurt said, uncomfortable.

“Remember what I said about the criminal and the judge, Kurt,” he said and led Carole away to find refreshments.

Kurt pondered his words again and had a feeling he knew what his father was getting at. That he should let Blaine plead his case. But how do you get past the hurt, the betrayal? He shook his head. This was something to worry about another day. After finding his doctor and thanking her once again, he decided to wander around to find a bathroom since all the backstage ones were being used by his team members.

 

. . .

 

Blaine needed fresh air. That song had sucked the last emotional energy he had right out of him. It felt like he couldn’t breathe. He walked down the stairs not seeing the people passing by him. He heard a familiar voice and as he reached the bottom, he turned.

“Excuse me, could I ask you a question?” Kurt was asking the usher.

The staircase was large and gently curved and as Blaine stared at Kurt, standing there above him, a flood of pictures entered his mind. A younger Kurt on stairs just like these, running down the hall, flirting over “Teenage Dream”, talking about courage, confronting a bully, singing together on Valentine’s Day. Kurt singing “Blackbird”, putting his hand on Kurt’s and telling him he’d been looking for him forever, their first kiss. Serenading Kurt at McKinley. The first time he’d told Kurt ‘I love you’. The delight on Kurt’s face when he transferred to McKinley, “Westside Story”, their first glorious night together, stolen kisses in the hallway. He remembered every touch, every whisper, every detail of Kurt’s beautiful, pale body. The sounds he made when he was filled with desire. Every time they’d made love. His quirks and pet peeves, how anal he was about the organization of the closet. The plans they’d made for their future. Finding their apartment, shopping and teasing each other. Being Kurt’s little spoon, as he called him. Nursing each other through sickness, encouraging during trying times in school. Visiting Kurt’s mom’s grave. Kurt massaging his shoulders  before exams. A bug bite from making love in the park. He remembered the forest, a fallen tree with thousands of names in it. He saw himself getting down on one knee and telling Kurt he made him whole, made him a better man, that he wanted to spend all of forever with him. Forever. That was their thing. They would be together forever.   

“Blaine? Blaine!”

Blaine turned his head and saw Wes staring at him, concerned. Then he realized tears were streaming down his face.

“What’s going on, are you okay?”

Blaine couldn’t contain the radiant smile that stretched across his face. “I remember, Wes. I remember everything. I remember Kurt.”

 

. . .

 

**I was going to continue writing what happened, but I thought, what a neat way to end the chapter! Right? Lol Don’t hate me. Reviews please. I was so excited to write the part where Blaine gets his memory back. I’ve been waiting for that scene since I started the story!**

**Songs: “Somebody That I Used To Know” Gotye; “Turning Page” Sleeping At Last (I LOVE this song!)**


	13. Stay With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a lot of music in this one. I truly believe a full story could be told through music. I’m sorry if you aren’t into reading the lyrics, but it’s how I get emotion out in the story. Enjoy…

“I remember everything,” Blaine said, looking at Wes in wonder, a huge smile lighting his face. “I love Kurt so much. Where’d he go, he was just on the stairs, like at Dalton, that’s when I remembered.”

“He passed by like two minutes ago while you were just staring into thin air with your mouth hanging open. Really attractive, by the way,” Wes teased.

“I need to talk to him. I have to tell him I remember. I have to,” he began and then his golden eyes went wide with horror. “Oh my god, Wes! The way I treated him, the things I said to him… I hit him! I hit the man I love!”

Wes patted him firmly on the back sensing Blaine might start to hyperventilate. “You know you love him now so start there and see what you can do to fix things. I know you two can make it. Klaine is the endgame.”

“Klaine?” Blaine asked, momentarily distracted.

Wes blushed. “You know, your mashed up name. Kurt, Blaine… Klaine.” At Blaine’s raised eyebrow, he smacked his friends arm. “Forget what I said, you have a man to win back.”

“I think I have a plan. Do you think you could help me find and talk to all the Velocity members?” Blaine asked, his mind whirling.

Wes nodded and Blaine shared his idea. He’d made Kurt’s life a living hell. He couldn’t even conceive of the damage he’d done to the man he had promised to love forever. But he could try to make it better.

 

. . .

 

The benefit continued on with great success. The donation buckets were filled and emptied so many times the ushers were constantly on the move. Brittany got whistles and cheers with her Britney Spears number. Mike wowed the audience with dance moves that included a double back handspring across the stage. The girls all got up and sang “You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman”. Kurt was preparing for his final performance, a solo. He was nervous, but he loved the spotlight and he knew as soon as he was out there, he’d lose all signs of nerves. This was an emotional number and he meant it as a promise to himself. Nobody else.

The stage manager prompted him and he stepped onto the stage, a single blue spotlight shining on him. His eyes naturally found Blaine in the audience, though he hadn’t meant to. He was grinning at Kurt like an idiot. Wondering what he was smoking during the intermission, Kurt looked away and concentrated on his cues. The opening notes of the song filled the auditorium as he began to sing.

 

_Gonna break these chains around me_

_Gonna learn to fly again_

_May be hard, may be hard_

_But I'll do it_

_When I'm back on my feet again_

_Soon these tears will all be dryin'_

_Soon these eyes will see the sun_

_Might take time, might take time_

_But I'll see it_

_When I'm back on my feet again_

Kurt’s voice raised in a beautiful crescendo, the sound almost unearthly. In that moment, he was alone, strong, whole once more.

_When I'm back on my feet again_

_I'll walk proud down the street again_

_And they'll all look at me again_

_And they'll see that I'm strong_

_Oh, gonna hear the children laughing_

_Gonna hear the voices sing_

_Won't be long, won't be long_

_Till I hear them_

_When I'm back on my feet again_

_I’m gonna feel the sweet light of heaven_

_Shining down its light on me_

_One sweet day, one sweet day_

_I will feel it_

_When I'm back on my feet again_

_When I'm back on my feet again_

_I'll walk proud down the street again_

_And they'll all look at me again_

_And they'll see that I'm strong_

_And I'm not gonna crawl again_

_I will learn to stand tall again_

_No I'm not gonna fall again_

_‘Cause I'll learn to be strong_

_Soon these tears will all be dryin'_

_Soon these eyes will see the sun_

_Won't be long, won't be long_

_Till I see it_

_When I'm back on my feet again_

_When I'm back on my feet again_

_I'll be back on my feet again_

 

The audience leapt to their feet, applauding so loud, Kurt was taken aback. There were tears across the faces of the people he could see. They continued to clap so he bowed and they got even louder so he bowed again. It was a beautiful moment. He felt his heart repairing itself. There was hope. He smiled and waved and with one last bow, he left the stage. There was more applause backstage as he got hugs and handshakes.

“Kurt, wow, that was amazing,” Mercedes gushed, hugging him tight. “I’m so glad you were able to be here tonight.”

“Me too. Well, I’m done, so I’m going to go sit down and relax and watch you work your magic,” Kurt said, kissing his friends cheek.

As soon as he left, Blaine appeared backstage and the team members gathered around him.

“I remember everything, you guys. It all just hit me, all the memories. I can’t even begin to tell you all how sorry I am for the way I’ve acted, especially toward Kurt. The thought of hurting him kills me inside. I know it can’t be fixed with a song, but maybe it can open the doors. Would you guys help me out?” He asked, hoping they would find it in their hearts to help him out.

One by one they all put their hands in the middle and with a whoop, they made a quick plan for a show stopping finale.

Kurt was sitting in the audience, sipping at water, truly at peace since his performance. Audience members had stopped him as he passed by and congratulated him, praising his voice. He felt truly good about himself for the first time in a very long time.

Finn’s voice came over the speaker system. “For the last three performances of the evening, we have a special dedication.”

Kurt’s head tilted in confusion. He hadn’t heard anything about this. When Blaine walked out on stage, he got butterflies in his stomach. What was going on?

“Ladies and gentleman, I’d like to dedicate this next set of songs to someone I love very much. You see, I hurt him. I hurt him in just about every way you can hurt a person. And though songs can’t fix everything, these numbers help to convey how I’m feeling. So please enjoy the remaining performances. I remember, Kurt. I remember forever,” Blaine said, his voice thick with emotion.

Kurt’s heart was pounding and he knew his face was flooded with color. People were looking at him, smiling. Blaine remembered forever? Did that mean he got his memory back? His mind was flooded with thoughts and he tried to concentrate on the songs. The songs Blaine had put together for him.

The guys of Velocity came out with Blaine singing lead vocals.

 

_Oh I had a lot to say, was thinking on my time away_

_I missed you and things weren't the same_

_Cause everything inside, it never comes out right_

_And when I see you cry it makes me want to die_

_I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you_

_And I know I can't take it back_

_I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round_

_And I just wanted to say I'm sorry_

_This time I know I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days_

_You get older and blame turns to shame_

_Cause everything inside it never comes out right_

_And when I see you cry it makes me want to die_

Kurt blinked through his tears. Blaine’s beautiful voice was so sincere, it made his heart ache.

_Every single day I think about how we came all this way_

_The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right_

_Oh yeah sorry!_

_I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all things I said to you_

_And I know I can't take it back_

_I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round_

_And I just wanted to say I'm sorry_

 

Blaine looked right into his eyes as he sang. Kurt was shaking, his emotions were in such turmoil. He had so many questions, for Blaine and himself. Did he truly have his memory back? Could Kurt forgive him? Did he even want to?

Next, Santana and Brittany came out. Santana’s voice was haunting and beautiful. Brittany sang back up and they made a heart wrenching duet.

 

_Can you forgive me again?_

_I don't know what I said_

_But I didn't mean to hurt you_

_I heard the words come out_

_I felt that I would die_

_It hurt so much to hurt you_

_Then you look at me_

_You're not shouting anymore_

_You're silently broken_

_I'd give anything now_

_to kill those words for you_

_Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."_

_But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah._

_'Cause you were made for me_

_Somehow I'll make you see_

_How happy you make me_

_I can't live this life_

_Without you by my side_

_I need you to survive_

_So stay with me_

_You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry._

The accompaniment drifted to an end and only Santana’s voice filled the auditorium.

_And you forgive me again_

_You're my one true friend_

_And I never meant to hurt you_

Tears flowed down Kurt’s cheeks. Knowing Blaine meant this song for him. Kurt didn’t know how much more of this he could take. Finn had said three more songs, so there was still one more to go. The love he felt for Blaine was bubbling to the surface and he found himself wanting to throw himself into Blaine’s arms, despite the doubts and fears.

The curtains had closed after Santana and Brittany walked off stage. Now it raised again with Blaine standing center stage. His eyes met Kurt’s as he began to sing.

 

_All my life I’ve waited for the right moment to let you know,_

_I don’t wanna let you go,_

_But now I’ve realized there’s just no perfect time_

_To confess how I feel,_

_This much I know is real_

_So I’ll refuse to waste one more second without you knowin’ my heart_

_Baby, ‘cause I don’t need anything else but your love,_

_Nothing but you means a thing to me,_

_I’m incomplete_

_When you’re not there,_

_Holding me, touching me I swear_

_All of the rest could just disappear_

_And I wouldn’t even care,_

_As long as you’re there._

Blaine was moving around the stage, gesturing to Kurt. It looked like his eyes were shining, when several tears escaped down his cheek. Kurt was also quietly weeping, filled with love for the man onstage who was bearing his heart in front of the world.

_Take these words,_

_Don’t let them go unheard,_

_This is me reaching out,_

_I hope you can hear it now_

_‘Cause, baby my heart said stay,_

_Take it, it’s yours to break_

_I’d rather try and lose,_

_Than keep this love from you, yeah_

_So I’ll refuse to waste one more second without you knowin’ my heart_

_Baby, ‘cause I don’t need anything else but your love,_

_Nothing but you means a thing to me,_

_I’m incomplete_

_When you’re not there,_

_Holding me, touching me I swear_

_All of the rest could just disappear_

_And I wouldn’t even care,_

_As long as you’re there._

_Each day and night,_

_That I’ve kept this a secret,_

_It’d kill me; it’s time to share what I feel inside_

As Blaine grabbed his chest, bowing under the emotion pouring from him, all the members of Velocity trickled onto the stage. The sound of all of their voices joined so beautifully brought the audience to their feet. Cell phones were raised as lights and everyone swayed with the music.

_I don’t need anything else but your love,_

_Nothing but you means a thing to me,_

_I’m incomplete_

_When you’re not there,_

_Holding me, touching me I swear_

_All of the rest could just disappear_

_And I wouldn’t even care,_

_As long as you’re there..._

_As long as you’re there... ohh_

 

Blaine seemed to hold the last note forever, driving the audience to applaud, yelling their approval. Finally, the song came to a close and, shocking everyone, Blaine leapt off the stage and came running toward Kurt. Kurt’s eyes went wide in shock. He barely heard Finn’s voice over the speakers thanking everyone for coming and for their donations. All he could see was Blaine’s determined face coming closer.

“Kurt, please, can you come with me?” Blaine asked, breathing heavily. His golden eyes were wide and he held his hand out toward Kurt.

Held captive by those beautiful eyes, Kurt placed his hand in Blaine’s. Blaine’s smile was brilliant as he turned and led Kurt away, through the back and into one of the old fashioned sitting rooms. He turned and looked at Kurt, his eyes filling with sorrow.

“I can’t even begin to apologize for what I’ve done to you. Baby, I love you so much. I saw you on those stairs and like a door opening, I remembered everything. Us, our life together, our love, you,” he said, shaking his head. “Realizing what I’ve done since the accident kills me. The way I treated you, talked to you. Knowing I laid my hands on you in violence, my god, Kurt I am so sorry. Is there any way you would ever give me a chance to make this up to you?” His eyes were pleading and his hand was gripping Kurt’s hand so hard, he was losing feeling in his fingers.

Kurt was mesmerized, though, not caring about anything but the man in front of him. “You really remember?” he whispered.

Blaine nodded. “I remember running through Dalton with you, dancing with you at prom. I remember the first time I touched you, the first time I got to run my hands down your body and hear you gasp,” he whispered, coming closer. “I remember the taste of your lips, the feel of your body under mine. I remember how much I adore you. I remember asking you to marry me, knowing I would be the luckiest man on the face of the earth if you only said yes. And you did. I carved our names into that tree which will probably be there for the next thousand years. I want us to last even longer, Kurt. I want forever. With you,” he said, leaning in, a question in his eyes.

Kurt stood there as Blaine’s mouth came to brush a whisper soft kiss across his lips.

“Kurt,” he whispered against his lips.

“Yes,” Kurt whispered.

Blaine sealed his lips against Kurt’s, their mouths moving over each other, hesitant, soft, and oh so sweet. Kurt whimpered and opened his mouth to allow Blaine’s tongue inside. When their tongues touched, they both moaned, causing them to wrap their arms around each other, deepening the kiss. Blaine swept his tongue around the entirety of Kurt’s mouth, his tongue hot and wet. Kurt sucked Blaine’s bottom lip into his mouth, nibbling softly until Blaine groaned. Blaine’s hands wandered down Kurt’s body and around to his ass. Grasping him and pulling him closer, they both cried out as their hips met, rubbing their hardening cocks together.

“Kurt, baby, I need you,” Blaine whispered, resting his forehead against Kurt’s. He could barely think, but he knew what he wanted.

Shutting off his brain, wanting only the sensations to continue, Kurt nodded. “Come home with me.”

“Okay.”

Their exit was the fastest in history. They managed to congratulate and thank everyone on the team, applauding everyone else when it was announced that they had made more than enough money to get them to the expo in New York. If you asked them how much the team had made, however, you wouldn’t get a clear answer. They could only see each other. Even on the drive back to the apartment, all they could do was look at each other, Blaine caressing Kurt’s hand, arm, thigh, as he drove. He refused to think of the last time they were in a car together, it would only ruin the moment. Right now, he knew he was going to be with the person he loved for the first time in what seemed like forever. He knew they’d had sex at the party, but that wasn’t him. That was the asshole who took over when Blaine couldn’t remember.

They were silent while they climbed the stairs to the apartment. Kurt was clutching Blaine’s hand and wouldn’t let it go, wrestling with one hand to unlock the door. Blaine chuckled quietly and lent his hand to help. Soon they were in the apartment, locking it behind them. Looking around, Blaine remembered it all. This was home.

“Home,” he said simply. “I’ve missed this feeling, this knowledge that I am home, that I belong. I’ve missed you,” he said to Kurt.

“Show me,” Kurt whispered.

Blaine took his hand and led him to the bedroom. Slowly, they began undressing each other. As skin was revealed, it was kissed, nibbled, and adored, until both of them were naked, panting, and hard as a rock. Collapsing on the bed, Kurt pulled Blaine on top of him, crying out at the sensation of their naked bodies against each other. He wanted to cry, he’d missed this so much. A tear leaked out, unbidden.

“Baby, I’m so sorry. I’ll make this up to you if it takes the rest of my life,” Blaine said, wiping the tear away. He leaned down and kissed Kurt’s temple before sliding his mouth down the beautiful curve of Kurt’s jaw and down his long neck. He nibbled the spots he knew Kurt loved, feeling Kurt buck his hips up in need. Blaine slid down Kurt’s body, raining kisses on his chest, paying close attention to his sensitive nipples, sucking and nipping at them. Kurt kept raising his hips against him, trying to find friction to ease the ache in his cock.

“Please, Blaine, kiss me,” he begged.

Blaine slanted his mouth against Kurt’s, his tongue exploring Kurt’s mouth, humming at the sweet taste. Kurt bit Blaine’s lip at the same time that he ground his pelvis up against Blaine’s, causing them both to cry out.

“I need you, please,” Kurt muttered.

“I want you inside me,” Blaine told him, looking into his heated blue gaze.

“Really?” Kurt knew Blaine preferred to top.

“I want you to mark me, I want you to own my body,” he muttered against Kurt’s mouth, grinding their cocks together.

His words sent shivers of need and heat through Kurt’s body. Blaine expertly rolled over until Kurt was on top of him.

Kurt took the opportunity to lavish attention to Blaine’s wide chest, licking a path from his belly button up to his neck, nipping and sucking on the way. Blaine was thrashing his head back and forth by the time Kurt reached his mouth.

“Baby, please, I need you. Please fuck me,” he moaned.

Kurt leaned down to capture his mouth in a hungry kiss, his knee pressing between Blaine’s legs to spread them apart. Blaine rocked up against him, and Kurt thrust against him, the pre-cum letting their hot hard cocks slide against each other. Kurt’s balls ached and he knew he was going to come soon if they kept this up. It had been too long. Quickly he reached over to grab the lube out of the drawer. Squirting some into his hand he stroked his own cock, crying out at the sensation. Blaine watched him hungrily.

“You are so beautiful, baby,” he said. “I’ve missed your cock so much.”

“Ditto,” Kurt said with a strained smile.

He took his slicked up fingers and slid them between Blaine’s legs. He found his hole and gently pushed a finger inside, both of them crying out. The heat and pressure against Kurt’s finger only made him want to fuck him even more. He’d missed this intimacy, the raw passion that they alone shared.

“More,” Blaine whispered, desperate for anything Kurt would give him.

Kurt slid another finger in and carefully stretched him, adding another finger before beginning to stroke his fingers in and out. Blaine bucked against him, driving his ass into Kurt’s fingers, riding him.

“Oh fuck,” Blaine muttered, thrusting himself onto Kurt’s hand, moaning so loud Kurt slammed their mouths together in a heated kiss to muffle the sound.

Finally Kurt pulled his fingers out. Blaine whined at the empty ache, lifting his hips, needing more.

Kurt lined up his cock and penetrated Blaine’s tight hole, the ring of muscles clenching around him in delicious heat. They both cried out and Kurt smashed his lips against Blaine’s again, grinding their lips and teeth together, fucking into Blaine’s mouth with his tongue.

When he thought Blaine was adjusted to his cock, Kurt pulled back slowly, his hands grasping Blaine’s hips until only the tip of his cock was inside Blaine. As Blaine whimpered under him, Kurt snapped his hips forward until he was fully buried in Blaine’s tight hole, his balls slapping against him. This was heaven, this was right and beautiful. He set a steady rhythm, rocking his hips back and forth, knowing just the right angle to rub over Blaine’s prostate. Gently he kissed Blaine between thrusts, driving him crazy. He enjoyed the desperate keening sound Blaine was making as he rutted up against Kurt. The sound of their hot flesh slapping against each other filled the room, adding to the erotic experience.

Kurt slammed into him, knowing from the coiled heat in his stomach that he wasn’t going to last much longer.

“Come with me,” he encouraged Blaine, nibbling his bottom lip, as he rocked into him even harder. He angled his hips so as he thrust into him, their pelvis’s slid against each other, giving Blaine the friction he needed. With a loud cry, Blaine came, his cock throbbing and shooting come all over his stomach and chest.  Kurt continued to slam into him, the orgasm making his hole even tighter.

“You are mine,” Kurt growled, clawing his hands into Blaine’s ass.

“Yes, yours,” Blaine panted, arcing his hips up into Kurt’s.

Kurt yelled his name as he plunged into him a final time and came, his cock pulsing inside him, filling Blaine with come.  Exhausted, he collapsed on Blaine’s chest, not caring that he was laying in come. They were both breathing heavily, overwhelmed by the force of their orgasms. Blaine pulled Kurt’s face to his and kissed him softly, sweetly.

“I love you, Kurt,” he murmured looking deep into his lover’s blue eyes.

“I love you, too, Blaine,” Kurt replied, tears filling his eyes.

“Forever?” he asked, stroking his cheek.

“Forever,” Kurt agreed. He gently pulled out of Blaine and slid to the side, careful to not get a mess on the sheets. Blaine got up and gingerly walked into the bathroom. Kurt heard the sound of the sink and then Blaine came back with a warm wash cloth and gently cleaned Kurt’s chest, stomach, and softened cock. Kurt smiled gratefully and lifted his hips to slide under the blankets. When Blaine came back, he looked at Kurt questioningly.

“Would you mind if I stayed the night?” Blaine asked, his expression vulnerable and almost scared.

“This is your home, Blaine, of course you can stay.” Kurt said, his voice thick with emotion. He held the side of the blanket up and Blaine slid in beside him. He pulled Kurt to him, tucking him into his side. Kurt’s tears suddenly overflowed and he began crying softly. Blaine couldn’t bear the anguish on Kurt’s face and his own tears streaked down his cheeks.

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” he cried, pulling Kurt’s face up to kiss him through their shared tears.

“It was so awful, Blaine. I missed you and you hated me,” Kurt whimpered.

“I know. I know and it’ll never happen again. I know who I am now,” Blaine tried to reassure him. “I know who you are and I will never forget again.”

“Why was it just me that you forgot? Why did it have to be me,” Kurt sobbed, his whole body shuddering.

“Oh baby, please, please don’t cry. Cooper has this theory and I think he’s right,” Blaine said.

“I know,” Kurt gasped between sobbed. “He told me. It was ‘cause of your parents.”

“Yeah. I confronted them and basically disowned them. So did Cooper,” Blaine said, wiping Kurt’s face with the edge of the blanket.

Kurt’s tears slowed and he looked up at Blaine, his eyes wide. “Really?”

“Really. If they would participate in a lie like that, what else would they be willing to do?” Blaine shrugged.

“I’m sorry you had to do that,” Kurt said sincerely.

“I’m not. Not really. And I’m on a full scholarship, so I don’t have to worry about that. I’m going to give piano and guitar lessons for extra money. I’ll be fine without them. And I still have Coop. And you, I think,” Blaine said hesitantly.

“You have me,” Kurt said, knowing he couldn’t say no to this man. He’d thought he would be fine on his own and he would have been after a time. He was proud of himself for working through his own demons during all of this. There was no doubt in his mind that he was a stronger person now. Not that he would want to go through this again, but he did learn more about himself. And it seemed like Blaine had too. His eyes grew heavy and he tried to fight it. But he was still trying to get stronger and he’d had a long day.

“Sleep, baby. I’ll be right here,” Blaine assured him, stroking his hair as Kurt settled into his chest. Soon Kurt’s heavy breathing filled the room. Blaine continued touching him, amazed that he was here, that Kurt had given him this second chance. He was overwhelmed with love for this man. He’d been put through hell and come out the other side. Blaine would make sure he had no reason to suffer like this ever again. He was here forever. Drifting off, he tucked Kurt even closer to him and fell into the deepest sleep he’d had since the accident.

 

. . .

 

Kurt woke up to the sun shining in the room. Feeling chilled, he stretched his arm out for Blaine, but the bed was empty. Sitting up, he panicked for a moment. Had he imagined the previous night? But Blaine’s clothes were still laying on the floor. The bathroom door was open and he could see he wasn’t in there either. Suddenly, he heard whistling and Blaine walked into the room in his boxer briefs carrying a tray laden with food. Fruit, pancakes, eggs, juice, toast, everything Kurt could ever want. Settling the tray in front of Kurt, Blaine spread a napkin across his lap and took one for himself. Kurt reached to his side table and took the medicine for his stomach before digging into the food.

Blaine looked at the prescription bottle. “What is that for?” he asked quietly.

“It’s to settle my stomach. That’s why I lost so much weight, I couldn’t keep anything down. The medicine is like a miracle. I can eat now and I actually have an appetite, as you can see,” he said, smiling and spearing a piece of watermelon and sticking it in his mouth.

Blaine hadn’t noticed in their passion last night, but here in the morning sun, he could see the evidence of Kurt’s weight loss. His cheek bones, collar bones, and ribs were prominent and his hip bones peeking out from the blanket were jutting out further than normal.

“Are you going to be okay?” Blaine asked nervously. He knew it was all his fault that Kurt was suffering.

Kurt looked at him and saw his worry. He put his fork down and tilted Blaine’s face to his, giving him a soft kiss. “I’m going to be just fine. As soon as I put on a little weight, I can reduce my dose until I’m not on it anymore.”

“Okay. What is that second bottle for?” He couldn’t believe he was responsible for the love of his life having to be on medication.

“That one is to help me sleep. But if last night is any indication, you work much better than a pill,” Kurt grinned.

Blaine smiled hesitantly. He didn’t know if he’d ever be able to forgive himself. He picked at his food, not as hungry as he was before.

“Hey,” Kurt said, grabbing Blaine’s hand. “Look at me.”

Blaine looked into his bottomless blue eyes sadly.

“I am going to be okay. We are going to be okay. We will work through the things that happened and we will both get better. Don’t worry about me. Let’s just concentrate on us. Deal?” Kurt asked.

Blaine smiled. “Deal.”

They spent the whole day together, talking, crying, laughing. Blaine died of embarrassment when Kurt asked him about the girl he slept with.

“It was awful! It all felt so alien. I was only able to finish because I was thinking about you and those hips of yours,” Blaine admitted, his face a deep red.

Kurt laughed. “No offense, but that is repulsive.”

“None taken. I cheated on you and I’m sorry,” Blaine said miserably.

“I don’t take it as cheating, Blaine. You weren’t you. Besides, I think having sex with a girl is punishment enough,” Kurt said with a giggle.

“No kidding,” Blaine agreed.

They discussed the night they had sex and the punch. Kurt, again, forgave him and reminded him that he wasn’t himself during that time. Blaine told him all the details of the phone call to his parents and Cooper’s support.

As they talked, they were constantly touching. Hands, mouths, stroking hair, sitting with their legs tangled together on the couch. It was like they had to make up for lost time all at once. Twice they gave in to their passion and went into the bedroom.

By the next day, they were both walking a little funny as they got ready for classes. Blaine walked Kurt to his classroom, not caring that he would be late to his own. Taking Kurt’s chin, he kissed him slowly, gently stroking his tongue along his full lips.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too,” Kurt answered, breathless from the kiss.

“Forever,” Blaine said, turning to go to his class.

Kurt took a moment to recover before walking into the room.

 

. . .

 

At Velocity practice, they celebrated the benefit, having raised almost ten thousand dollars. It would not only fund their New York trip, but allow them to get new costumes and sound equipment. They didn’t sing, they just sat together and talked, enjoying their successes. Discussing each other’s performances and giving praise to everyone, Mr. Schue allowed them to take the day off. A tap on the microphone got everyone’s attention.

“I know we’re taking the day off, so to speak, but I have a song I’d like to sing,” Blaine announced.

The group took a seat, facing him. Kurt’s face was red, having no idea what was going on.

“Kurt, this one is for you, as always,” he said and motioned to the sound guy to turn the music on.

 

_Heart beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall_

_But watching you stand alone_

_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow_

_One step closer_

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

Mike and Tina stood up and began dancing to the music. Soon, Santana and Brit joined them. Trent held his hand out to Lauren who took it with a smile. Sam and Mercedes leaned against each other, swaying to the beat. Kurt just sat there, smiling, feeling like his heart was overflowing with love.

_Time stands still_

_Beauty in all she is_

_I will be brave_

_I will not let anything take away_

_What's standing in front of me_

_Every breath_

_Every hour has come to this_

_One step closer_

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_And all along I believed I would find you_

_Time has brought your heart to me_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

_One step closer_

_One step closer_

_I have died everyday waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more_

“Kurt, I will love you forever. A thousand years isn’t even nearly long enough. Could you come up here, please?” Blaine asked, smiling at him brilliantly.

Kurt walked up slowly, wondering what was going on. As he reached him, Blaine suddenly dropped to one knee. Everyone started yelling and whooping. Blaine waved at them with a smile to quiet them down. Meanwhile, Kurt’s mind was swirling. They were just getting to know each other again. Was he ready to wear that ring again? Did he still think they could make a marriage work? Was he past enough of what happened to make this kind of commitment?

“Kurt Hummel, I love you with every cell of my body. I promise to make you happy every day of your life. I promise you forever. Would you honor me by being my husband?” Blaine said, his voice loud, strong, and confident.

Kurt just stared at him, eyes wide and anxious. He stuttered out, “I… I…”

 

. . . . .

 

**Did you enjoy it?  Reviews please! There will be another chapter, obviously.**

**Music: “When I’m Back on My Feet Again” Michael Bolton; “Sorry” Buckcherry; “Forgive Me” Evanescence; “As Long As You’re There” Cherice/Glee; “A Thousand Years” Christina Perri**

 


	14. The Beginning

“Kurt? Earth to Kurt? Damn, dude, I have better fucking things to do than wait here for you to make up your mind, you know.”

“Alright, fine. The blue one,” Kurt said, handing Puck the tie he’d picked out. “And actually, you don’t have anything better to do, so shut up. You’re going to look great, though. Thanks again for doing this.”

“If it was anyone other than you, I would’ve said no. But it’s not every day I get to be bridesmaid and best man all in one,” Puck said with a grin.

“At least I’m not making you wear some awful orange taffeta gown,” Kurt said, smiling at him as he perfected his hair in the mirror.

“Thanks for that,” Puck said. “Do I rate your approval?”

Kurt looked over him with a critical eye. “You’re good to go,” he said. “Will you go check on Blaine and Wes? I think we’re running low on time.”

“I’m on it. You look good, Kurt,” Puck said, giving him a hug.

“Thanks, Puck. Hey, how is Jason?” Kurt asked.

“Three months and going strong. I’m amazed he hasn’t called me yet. He usually doesn’t go this long without the sound of my dulcet tones,” Puck said with an arrogant smirk.

“Uh huh. He’s probably grateful for the silence. Now, get out of here,” Kurt said, shooing him from the room.

Once he was alone, he looked at his reflection and nodded. He was ready to go. The impeccably tailored black Dior Homme suit with thin black tie looked amazing, if he said so himself. It fit his shoulders snugly, emphasizing the fact that he’d gained all his weight back and turned it into muscle. Muscle that Blaine just happened to love. He was no body builder, but he was more lean and fit than he’d ever been and felt terrific. Looking down, he dusted a speck off his silver and black wingtip spectator shoes.

For it being his wedding day, he was surprisingly nerve-free. He wondered if it was the same with Blaine. Though they hadn’t had much time to pull together a wedding, their Velocity teammates had insisted on the silly tradition of spending their last single night apart. Kurt had spent the night in Puck’s room and Blaine had bunked with Wes and David.

Walking to the window, he looked down at the view. Times Square was more magnificent than he could have ever dreamed. The sights and sounds, Broadway, the people, it was magical. He and Blaine had walked through Central Park while holding hands the previous afternoon. Sharing a kiss in the middle of the crowd hadn’t even raised a single eyebrow. The experience only served to confirm that they’d made the right choice to move here after they graduate from college. Smiling at the ant sized people down below, he couldn’t believe how utterly happy he was. When Blaine had proposed all those months ago, he’d been hit with doubts. But in the end, he’d asked himself if he would ever love anyone more than he loved Blaine at that moment and the answer was a resounding no. He’d stuttered before yelling ‘yes’ at the top of his lungs, the excitement making his voice a shrill shriek. Half the team had clapped their hands over their ears before breaking into applause. After much discussion, he and Blaine had decided to get married at the courthouse while the team was in New York for the choir expo. The performances they’d seen from choirs around the country had been amazing. But privately, Kurt thought that the wedding was the most special event of their trip. Every team member had wanted to go, so there would be quite the audience in the tiny judge’s chamber.

“Hey, little brother. You ready? The car is waiting downstairs. And your dad says, and I quote ‘get your scrawny butt down here before he sends Finn to come get you’. Since we all know Finn would just get lost, I figured you’d want to get your scrawny butt down there,” Cooper grinned.

“Alright. I think I’m ready,” Kurt said, patting his pockets and confirming he had everything he needed. “Thanks again for flying out, Coop, it means a lot to me,” he said as they left the hotel room and walked to the elevator. “I know Blaine was ecstatic to hear you were going to be able to make it. I think this whole thing has brought up parental issues he’d rather not deal with.”

Stepping into the elevator and hitting the button for the lobby, Cooper nodded. “Yeah, I talked to him last night and gave him all the lectures I could think of that a parent would give. Then I called your dad and asked him to call him up and give him some more,” he said with a wicked grin.

“That’s low, Coop. Funny as hell, but low,” Kurt chuckled.

“I may be his only blood family, but I’m still his big brother,” he replied.

“Holy shit,” Kurt said, his face suddenly draining of color.

“What?” Cooper said, concerned.

“I’m getting married,” Kurt muttered, dazed.

“Yes, you are,” he said, smacking him hard on the back. “Now you’ll really be my little brother.”

“Great,” Kurt snorted.

 

. . . . .

 

Kurt, Cooper, and Puck went down the hall of the court building to the agreed upon meeting spot for the entire group. Coming around the corner, he came face to face with Blaine. Dressed in an identical suit, his only difference was the bowtie and his wingtip spectator shoes were red and black. The way his jacket hugged so close to his body made Kurt eager for their wedding night. Blaine could pull off a suit like nobody else in the world.

“Kurt,” Blaine gasped. “You look amazing.”

Kurt blushed, hugging his fiancé. “Ditto. You still take my breath away.”

“None of that now, boys, we need to get moving,” Carole said. She expertly corralled everyone into neat lines, Blaine and Kurt at the head and they moved to the appointed judges chambers.

Blaine took Kurt’s hand. “Are you ready for this?”

Kurt beamed at him. “I was born ready.”

 

. . . . .

 

“Ladies and gentleman, may I present, Mr. and Mr. Hummel!” Finn announced. The crowd gathered in the hotel ballroom for the reception cheered as Kurt and Blaine walked into the room. They stood and patiently greeted each and every person, team members and family alike. When everyone had received a hug and a thank you for coming, they took their seats at the head table.

After dinner, Puck tapped his wine glass before picking up a microphone. “I’d like to make a toast. To the grooms. Kurt, I feel like I’ve known you forever. From the days of throwing you in the Dumpster,” this was met with a loud ‘boo’. “I know, I know. But Kurt, you made me proud to be different, to be who I am. And that was before I realized I liked kissing dudes as much as I liked kissing girls. Blaine, you make Kurt happy. That makes you alright in my book,” he said and raised his glass. “To the happy couple, may you always get laid; in sickness and health, richer and poorer. Mazel tov!”

While Burt tried not to choke on his wine, the crowd yelled ‘cheers’ and drank to the couple. Cooper stood up next and walked to get the mike from Puck. Blaine groaned quietly in Kurt’s ear. Kurt smacked his leg and grinned at his husband. Husband! He would never tire of saying or thinking the word.

“To my two little brothers. You are an example to all of us of what love should be. Blaine, I know we both wish things could be different in our family, but look around you. Every person who is here is your family. There are those we’d love to strangle.” At this, people pointed at Puck and some at Rachel. Blaine pointed at Cooper. “There are those we wouldn’t be able to do without.” Kurt pointed at Blaine and his father. Blaine pointed at Kurt. “There are those we only speak to on special occasions.” Nobody pointed a finger, but some looked guilty which got some chuckles. “But all of us are here for you when you need us. And that is what family is all about. I love you guys,” Cooper said and raised his glass. “Salud!”

After many more toasts, Kurt stood up and took the mike. “Blaine. You are my husband, my best friend, my soul mate. From the moment I met you, you have encouraged me to be a stronger, braver person. Encourage means ‘to make courageous’. You do this every day. Every time you tell me you love me, every time you tell me I’ve done well at something, you make me more courageous. I am the luckiest man in the world and I am so proud to call you my husband. I love you. To Blaine Hummel!” Everyone repeated the toast amidst tears and applause.

Blaine was next, wiping his eyes with a napkin before addressing the crowd. “How do you top that? Kurt, you brought color to my life. And I don’t just mean through your fabric swatches and fashion choices,” he said with a grin as people chuckled. “You were a shining beacon among people who dressed and acted the same, inside Dalton and outside. You made me want to be myself more than I wanted to please others and for that I thank you. We all know we went through hell this year. Though I would never, ever want to repeat it, I did learn an important lesson. I am a better person with you in my life and I will love you forever.”

Kurt leapt up and grabbed his husband, slanting their lips together in a hot, wet, passionate kiss. For several minutes, they only knew each other, nobody else existed. As they tasted each other, savoring the feel of their tongues and lips dancing, the entire world was gone. A napkin landing on Kurt’s head broke them apart. Dazed for a moment, Kurt reached up to see what had been thrown.

“Who. Threw. This. On. My. Hair?” he asked, his face a mask of fury.

Everyone pointed at Cooper. “Aw shit. Quick, Blaine, kiss him again!”

Blaine grabbed Kurt and dipped him backward, laying another passionate kiss on his husband’s soft lips. Pulling back, they stared into each other’s eyes. “We’ll get him back later, baby,” Blaine assured him with a smile.

“I know,” Kurt grinned.

“Okay, enough of that. It’s time for the first dance. Kurt, Blaine, if you will,” Wes announced, pointing toward the dance floor.

Rachel, Tina, Mercedes and Santana took their place on the stage. As they began singing, Blaine twirled Kurt around the dance floor.

 

_The first time ever I saw your face_

_I thought the sun rose in your eyes_

_And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave_

_To the dark and the endless skies_

On the stairs at Dalton, neither had any way of knowing that the moment their eyes met, their destinies were decided.

_The first time ever I kissed your mouth_

_I felt the earth move in my hands_

_Like the trembling heart of a captive bird_

_That was there at my command my love_

That first sweet, fervent kiss opened both of their hearts and minds to the power of love.

_The first time ever I lay with you_

_I felt your heart so close to mine_

_And I knew our joy would fill the Earth_

_And last, and last, and last till the end of time_

_The first time ever I saw your face_

_Your face, your face, your face_

That first night together, vulnerable, passionate, life changing, brought two hearts together and made them one.

 

Leaning his head against his husband’s shoulder, Blaine whispered, “Forever.”

“Forever,” Kurt agreed. And even that would only be the beginning.

 

The End

 

 

. . . . .

 

**I had this whole evil plan of having Kurt say no to the proposal, but hell, I couldn’t even do that to myself! I wanted these two together. Forever. Thank you for reading. Please leave a review and let me know what you thought.**


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